Wet martinis please
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlexxFruit
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2021
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A German guy walks into a bar and asks for a Martini. The barman asks "dry"?

The guy says "no, just the one"

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2020
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Drinking vodka martini's won't make you James Bond.

But it'll make you Roger Moore.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/theGamingDad123
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2020
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ImPeachMint Martini
πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nothinsevereasy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2019
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What do you call a vodka martini with a sausage garnish?

The Absolut wurst combo.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pongoid
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2019
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How does Elvis like his Martini?

All shook up

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Twigsnapper
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2019
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Two Germans are a bar in London

"Two martinis, please."

"Dry?"

"NEIN, ZWEI!"

πŸ‘︎ 63
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Clbull
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2020
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A Roman walks into a bar and says β€œI’ll have a martinus.”

The bartender asks β€œDon’t you mean a martini?”

In response the Roman says β€œIf I wanted a double I’d have asked for it!”

πŸ‘︎ 253
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πŸ‘€︎ u/James-Kinley
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2020
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My grandfather is 85 and he still doesn’t need glasses.

He drinks straight from the bottle.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2018
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What's the difference between a velodrome and a palindrome?

For one, you have to use a bicycle. For the other, you can use a race car.

πŸ‘︎ 61
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bigpaulycolini
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2019
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Today's Drink Special: Quarantini

It's just a regular martini, but you drink it all alone in your house.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dynamic367
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2020
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I went into a Roman bar and asked for a Martinus.

The bartender said, β€œdon’t you mean a Martini?” I glared at him and said, β€œI only want one!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZonieDrew
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2019
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Topical Puns at the restaurant I bartend at i.reddituploads.com/cdb1c…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/durhWhen
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2017
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when two german agent walks into the pub in London during WW2

, and one of them said to the waiter:

- Two martini please.

The waiter:

- Dry?

- Nein! Zwei!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Adromawan
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2019
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I walked into a bar with my gay friend!

I asked the bartender if he knows how to make a Martini? He said "Don't come here with your queries!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/B-man44
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2019
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Adam Smith and Rene Descartes walk into a bar...

The bartender asks Smith if he wants a martini; he says "I think so." The bartender then asks Descartes if he'd like a martini as well, and Descartes says "I think not"...

...and then he disappeared

(Courtesy of my history teacher)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Offscreen6
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2018
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A German walks into a bar and orders a martini

The bartender asks, "Dry?" He replies, "Nein, just one."

πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FuzzySparrow
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2019
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Charles Dickens walks into a bar and orders a martini. The bartender asks...

The bartender asks, "Olive or twist?"

πŸ‘︎ 219
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πŸ‘€︎ u/perezgc
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2017
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How do you make a Dickens martini?

Same as any martini but with no Olive or Twist.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/YouMeAndPooneil
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2017
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Julius Caesar walks into a bar...

He says, β€œI’ll have a martinus.”

Bartender asks β€œYou mean martini?”

Julius Caesar replies β€œIf I wanted more than one, I would have asked for it.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/devnodegree
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2018
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Charles Dickens walks into a bar..

And asks for a martini

.

.

.

The barman says "Olive or Twist ?"

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Emmanuell89
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2015
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