Not mush room
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AdityaKonsta
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2019
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Not mush room
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πŸ‘€︎ u/inthesilentwave
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2018
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What did the edible fungus say when it ate too much food

I haven’t got mush-room in my stomach.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wassup369
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
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Police have arrested the world tongue-twister champion.

They said he'll be given a tough sentence.

πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Degtyrev
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2020
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Why did the fungi farmer turn down the job offer at a new farm with higher pay?

There wasn't mush-room to grow there.

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2019
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I crack myself up sometimes. I went grocery shopping earlier today and when I got home the wife asked β€œwhere are the mushrooms?” ... without missing a beat, I said

β€œI couldn’t get them, there wasn’t β€˜mush room’ in the trolley. β€œ

She threw things at me

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DannyGere
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2019
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My mom's been cackling at this bad pun for three days.

So my front yard has a lot of weeds and crappy grass I've been trying to get rid of for years. They're mutants, so nothing will kill them. This year, one of the decorative rocks has turned out to be covered by a giant shroom as well. This thing is enormous. It has about a hundred different canopies, but as far as I can tell it's all one organism.

So I was talking with her about things I might be able to use to get rid of all this stuff, shroom included, and after she suggested a mixture of various household products I asked if it would work on fungus as well. She said it was worth a shot and asked why I wanted to know.

I replied, "Because that thing's just taking up way too mush room."

I was over it in a few seconds, but she's been randomly cracking up for days now. Send help.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Batshit_Betty
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2018
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I was fired from a very serious farming job

They told me they dodnt have mush room for a fun-guy

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mo_stacheos
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2019
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Why do Smurfs only live one Smurf per house?

Because despite their houses' appearance, they don't have mush room

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πŸ‘€︎ u/errsta
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2019
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Do you wanna know why I like mushrooms so much?

Because they’re fun guys

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cloudsarehats
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2018
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My Son said to me the other day that he thinks he's allergic to horses

I said it mush be Neigh-fever

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πŸ‘€︎ u/geemannz
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2019
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My professor just dedicated an entire 2-hour class to make ONE dadjoke.

Today was the first day of his class, Special Topics in Poetry. We walk in and there is a guest with some ceramic art. We thought we were gonna write poems about it or some shit, but then the professor says, "Welcome to special topics in pottery."

The whole class is like wat...?

Then the guest lady starts showing a powerpoint of some of her work and then we literally spent the whole class mushing clay and making bowls and shit.

To make things even dadder, he chuckled "poetry pottery heh heh heh" like we didn't get the joke and he had to explain it to us.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ITasteLikePurple
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2016
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We had a dad joke competition in the car...

Son: β€œwhat kind of bear never gets hot?” ... Son: β€œ-a kool..alla β€œ

Daughter: β€œwhat do you call a witch you’ve never met?” ... Daughter: β€œhermione stranger”

Wife: β€œwhat do you call a squishy collection of domiciles?” ... Wife: β€œmush room”

Daughter: β€œwhat do you call a Canadian cow?” ... Daughter: β€œmoooooose”

Me: β€œwhat beverage do you get when you remove a baby cow from its Mom?” ... Me: β€œdecalf”

I also submitted my joke about the earthquake, like a letter gone international (it’s in another post) or a wayward string gone rogue (in another thread)

I have the best family.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/onejdc
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2018
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Have you ever thought about living in a fungus?

There is so mush room

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Matthiasagreen
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2018
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What kind of house does Toad from Super Mario live in?

A Mush-Room.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/quadbump2000
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2018
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Help with a coffee pun?

I've just finished my final paper on Starbucks, Diversity, and Excellence Theory. My professor loves witty titles, but my brain is mush. Suggestions? I can't espresso how much it will help me. Thanks a latte.

Thanks everyone! I loved all of your responses. I titled my paper Brewing Effective Public Relations: Excellence in Diversity at Starbucks.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hollish
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2012
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I ordered pizza and they got the order wrong...

I ordered pizza from dominos. All I wanted on mine was BBQ sauce and meatballs. When I opened the box, there was mushrooms on it!

I turned to the wife and told her; 'All I wanted was BBQ sauce and meatballs, there wasn't Mush-room for error'.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/9DAN2
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2016
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What did the fungi say about his New York apartment?

There isn't mush-room

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SpartaFC
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2017
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I read an interesting article recently...

Apparently, Alaskan racing dogs perform optimally when they consume non-meat products mid-run; needless to say, this has caused a great change in tactics. A lot of it is untested, but a few dogs are going through trials to see how various types of fungi impact their speeds. The training facility was just built; they call it the "mush room."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FKDSOfficial
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2014
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My nephew is going to be a great father someday...

The other night, my wife made a fantastic peach pie. It was the best one she has been ever made (she even put my initials in it with a heart around it). As she was showing off her handiwork, the pie slipped out of the pan and splattered everywhere. The wife started crying, the kids started complaining. My 23 year old nephew walks into the room and looks at the ensuing chaos. He grabs a handful of the mush, eats it, and says to my wife, "I think the pie turned out just peachy."

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2014
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I never know how to respond.

The other day I made lasagna for my family. Half of us love mushrooms while the other half hates them, so I usually make two.

Me (pointing to the individual ones): "That one has mushrooms and that one doesn't"

My dad got a sad look on his face when looking at the one w/o mushrooms and said, "Awh, this is terrible. I can't get the spatula in."

Me: "Why not?"

Dad: "There's not mush room in there"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/coachz1212
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2013
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After being on an episode of Say Yes To The Dress...

We left without buying anything. Later at dinner: Friend to Bride: "Do you want to go over any dress in particular so they don't all mush together? Kind of a like a debrief?" Me: "Yeah, you don't want to get post-traumatic dress disorder!"

Groans.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WhistlingSausages
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2014
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She's not a dad, but my coworker cracked this one the other day

How many mushrooms can you fit in a mushroom?

A lot because there's so mush-room!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/adelaideanne
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2014
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Why do Smurfs live alone?

Because despite the appearance of their houses, they don't have mush room.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/errsta
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2018
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