**Genie: I will grant you 2 wishes** **Me: I want to be rich.** **Genie: Okay granted, second wish?** **Rich: I'd like loads of money.**

Taken from fb

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πŸ‘€︎ u/XDG-Diggz74
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
🚨︎ report
A man came home from the pet shop with loads of geese.

He only went for a gander

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/maccer20
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2021
🚨︎ report
Graveyards have loads of security...

People are dying to get in!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PolskiHussar548
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I found a load of batteries washed up on the beach.

I was collecting C Cells on the sea shore.

πŸ‘︎ 90
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Gabe had a heavy load this semester

Math, physics, comp sci. The only easy class was "The American Century." Open book midterm and final, so he wasn't going to do any of the reading all semester.

β€œIt’s a huge waste of time, Dad,” he laughed when I objected. β€œI’m not learning a damn thing in the class.”

β€œWell, then you’re just going to have to take that class over again,” I snapped at him.

β€œWhat are you talking about?” he yelped.

β€œYou know why, Gabe,” I said. β€œThose who don’t learn from history are condemned to repeat it.”

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cja1968
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
A lorry load of wigs has been stolen

Police are combing the area

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tiger7971
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2020
🚨︎ report
This load bearing tree.
πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/5_Frog_Margin
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
🚨︎ report
A truck ahead of me spilled its load of cabbage all over the highway...

I never slaw it coming.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I just gave a sick burn to a load of hedges shaped into a pattern.

It was amazing.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kimenon001
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
🚨︎ report
My family was doing the dinner dishes together and our mum was washing the dishes in the sink. She asked β€œcould you guys load the dishwasher please?”

So my dad brought her a glass of wine.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mossata
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend dumped a five hundred pound load of pig intestines on his boss's desk in protest...

That took a lot of guts!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Had to remove a load of German names and stuff from my pre-owned iPhone..

..It's Hans free now.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2020
🚨︎ report
I created a new post earlier but received loads of hateful comments...

Now I've got post traumatic stress

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Daedalus-95
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I Just opened a card and a load of rice fell out the envelope

It’s was from my uncle Ben

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoelandLouise
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Gonna go load this bowl....
πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MandyMakesIt
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2020
🚨︎ report
"A truck loaded with thousands of copies of Roget's Thesaurus crashed yesterday losing its entire load.

Witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, stupefied, confused, shocked, rattled, paralysed, dazed, bewildered, mixed up, surprised, awed, dumbfounded, nonplussed, flabbergasted, astounded, amazed, confounded, astonished, overwhelmed, horrified, numbed, speechless, and perplexed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/always-paranoid
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Coach Butt pushed his team The Doodies into the Toilet Bowl. But, his team was playing like crap after a heavy load. And even though Coach knew his #1 was flushed, he pointed at him and said...

Urine.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Buschman98
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I know loads of jokes about cash machines

I just can't think of one atm

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HeartBreakKid99
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call the burnout experienced 3/4’s of the way through hand-washing a particularly large load of dishes?

Post-Traumatic Stress Dishorder.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Colorblindbass
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2020
🚨︎ report
BREAKING NEWS The M6 has become blocked after a truck shed its load of brightly coloured writing paper and envelopes...

Police say the traffic is pretty stationery.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a semi driver rocking out to 80s music while carrying a load of grain?

Haulin’ Oats... πŸ€¦πŸ»β€β™‚οΈπŸ€¦πŸ»β€β™‚οΈπŸ€¦πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ I’ll show myself to the door. -dad

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bradb717
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2019
🚨︎ report
On what side of the cargo ship do they load all the USB charging cables?

The Port side.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GotMyOrangeCrush
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm a trucker. My dispatcher texted me to ask if I'd picked up a load of frozen toast. This was my response...

20,000lb of frozen bread so clearly I'm loafing along and a gluten for punishment.

Bad puns are the yeast of my problems. This load takes me to the upper crust, but if I don't get it in on time I'm toast!

Sorry about my rye sense of humor...

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JimMarch
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2019
🚨︎ report
I went to what I thought was a christening but halfway through the vicar tipped a load of pish tasting lager over the poor baby.

Turns out he was being fostered.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ElMel77
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2020
🚨︎ report
I used to make loads of bad jokes back in the day

Once a pun a time

πŸ‘︎ 60
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GaryTheKnight
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2019
🚨︎ report
A truck driver with a live load of penguins in the back crashes and injures himself

A bystander helps him and calls the ambulance for him, The transport driver tells the man to take the penguins to the zoo then man says okay. Later when the truck driver was released from the hospital he sees the man walking out of the movie theatre with a line of penguins behind him, he asked what the hell hes doing and the man said, well you told me to take them to the zoo, i did, then i took them to the mall and now the movies.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/max69well
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2019
🚨︎ report
My daughter tried doing her first load of laundry by herself. All the colors bled and intermixed.

"Well," she said. "It did say on the clothing labels to wash in, like, colors."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2019
🚨︎ report
I went fishing with my friend and he caught loads of fish and I didn't

I said is this net working?

He said no its fishing

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Richardbaconaise
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Lock and load
πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Musical-Comic-69
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2019
🚨︎ report
What a load of
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/greengo122
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a film about loads of del boys taking over the world?

Day of the triffics

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/maccer20
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2019
🚨︎ report
When I was a single man, I had loads of free time.

Now that I listen to full albums, I rarely leave the house.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2019
🚨︎ report
A delivery boy was carrying a heavy load to the prosthetics factory..

.. an employee offered to lend him a hand

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/waddupmanitsjohn
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2019
🚨︎ report
I once had to play a psychopath in a play. I thought I could come across as crazy if I huffed a l load of women's body spray before I got on stage.

But in hindsight, I was just acting on Impulse.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tattyead
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2019
🚨︎ report
In one version of a poker game players must put away a load of laundry before they start.

This variation is called Texas fold 'em.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pun-isher42
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2019
🚨︎ report
My luggage got searched while I was trying to smuggle a load of sausages out of Germany...

It was the wurst case scenario.

πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Orlen86
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2018
🚨︎ report
I have a load of dead batteries if anyone wants them. They’re all free of charge.
πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/digdilem
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2018
🚨︎ report
Doodled these on butcher paper with loads of other people, so sorry it's a bit messy imgur.com/gallery/p2jvff7
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WllWtts
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2018
🚨︎ report
I was speeding while towing a load of donkeys.

Naturally I got pulled over. When the officer asked me "Do you know why I stopped you today?" I replied....

"Because I was hauling ass?"

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Inarus06
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2018
🚨︎ report
I managed to break even at Vegas this weekend. I lost a load of money on the blackjack table.

But then won it all back on the ATM machine.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/monkeyupbirch
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2018
🚨︎ report
Her: You only half-listen to me! You are in a boat load of trouble!

Me: Why would we buy a boat?

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2018
🚨︎ report
You hear loads of jokes about white sugar, but brown sugar

Demerara

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Avacadont
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2018
🚨︎ report
So a full long truck load was stolen from outside the cookie factory yesterday...

If it was the Italian job, they'd bi-skittering half over the drink right now.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2018
🚨︎ report
Don't know what to say...just get a load of this one.

1

πŸ‘︎ 157
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BtothaILLY21
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2015
🚨︎ report
The local motorway has become blocked after a lorry shed it's load of brightly coloured writing paper and envelopes.

Police say the traffic is pretty stationery...

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2019
🚨︎ report
I opened my birthday card and a load of rice fell out...

I know exactly who sent it.

It was my Uncle Ben.

πŸ‘︎ 72
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PeakSaren
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2018
🚨︎ report

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