As a single Dad, I tried flirting with the check-in girl at the airport while loading my kids' suitcases.

But she just kept saying I had too much baggage.

πŸ‘︎ 161
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RedditAndWept-
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2018
🚨︎ report
Remember when loading the dishwasher meant getting the wife drunk?
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/xwhy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Two men went fishing one day. They sat in the boat all day, drinking beer and trying different baits. But they caught nothing worth writing home to mom about. So at the end of the day as they were loading up their boat, the first fisherman, whom I'll call John said,

"I bet I reeled in a lot of the redditors looking for a punchline, eh?"

The other fisherman said, "yeah, the reel joke is usually in the comments!"

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
🚨︎ report
On my first day as undertaker, I managed to drop the coffin as I was loading it onto the car.

My boss was supportive and told me I just had to rehearse it.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Berd89
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2019
🚨︎ report
My dad tried to prank me by loading the furnace with regular rocks that were painted black.

Totally uncoal, dude.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Djental
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2018
🚨︎ report
Had a friend loading up those large poster-sized post-it notes for a meeting...

Told him he should stick with it.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ponderingfox
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2018
🚨︎ report
Loading...please wait. gfycat.com/LegalCloudyChe…
πŸ‘︎ 69
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SapperInTexas
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2015
🚨︎ report
I just finished loading the dishwasher.

Me: Welp, should we run it?

Wife: We can, but I don't think the leash is big enough.

Got a huge laugh out of me.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mapguy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2015
🚨︎ report
I keep loading paper into my printer, but it keeps telling me it "just can't get enough."

I think it's stuck in Depeche Mode.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/queen_frostine
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2017
🚨︎ report
"Progressives" are just apologists for Playstation 2 loading screens.
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/klingers
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2017
🚨︎ report
**Genie: I will grant you 2 wishes** **Me: I want to be rich.** **Genie: Okay granted, second wish?** **Rich: I'd like loads of money.**

Taken from fb

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/XDG-Diggz74
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
🚨︎ report
A man came home from the pet shop with loads of geese.

He only went for a gander

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/maccer20
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2021
🚨︎ report
Graveyards have loads of security...

People are dying to get in!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PolskiHussar548
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
🚨︎ report
When the White Death loaded his rifle...

The Russians were Finnished

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MrLazyTiger
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I found a load of batteries washed up on the beach.

I was collecting C Cells on the sea shore.

πŸ‘︎ 88
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Gabe had a heavy load this semester

Math, physics, comp sci. The only easy class was "The American Century." Open book midterm and final, so he wasn't going to do any of the reading all semester.

β€œIt’s a huge waste of time, Dad,” he laughed when I objected. β€œI’m not learning a damn thing in the class.”

β€œWell, then you’re just going to have to take that class over again,” I snapped at him.

β€œWhat are you talking about?” he yelped.

β€œYou know why, Gabe,” I said. β€œThose who don’t learn from history are condemned to repeat it.”

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cja1968
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
A lorry load of wigs has been stolen

Police are combing the area

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tiger7971
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2020
🚨︎ report
This load bearing tree.
πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/5_Frog_Margin
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
🚨︎ report
A truck ahead of me spilled its load of cabbage all over the highway...

I never slaw it coming.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I’m a delivery driver that delivers bread products, whilst on my round today a gentleman dropped this on me.....”looks like you have the best job” he says, β€œwhy is that?” I ask, because you must be loaded with dough!!!

True dad that man!!

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bunny_2121
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I just gave a sick burn to a load of hedges shaped into a pattern.

It was amazing.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kimenon001
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
🚨︎ report
My family was doing the dinner dishes together and our mum was washing the dishes in the sink. She asked β€œcould you guys load the dishwasher please?”

So my dad brought her a glass of wine.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mossata
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do Cows wear the bells

Because their horns don't work. Β―_(ツ)_/Β―

πŸ‘︎ 63
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JNaik14
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend dumped a five hundred pound load of pig intestines on his boss's desk in protest...

That took a lot of guts!

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Had to remove a load of German names and stuff from my pre-owned iPhone..

..It's Hans free now.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2020
🚨︎ report
NASA scientists say it may be possible to live on Mars.

What a load of rubbish, I tried it and now I'm five stones heavier and diabetic.

πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PanixATK
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
🚨︎ report
At the company picnic, my co-worker said he had some juicy gossip. He loaded up his plate but tripped on the way to my table...

He spilled the beans!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2020
🚨︎ report
I created a new post earlier but received loads of hateful comments...

Now I've got post traumatic stress

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Daedalus-95
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I Just opened a card and a load of rice fell out the envelope

It’s was from my uncle Ben

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JoelandLouise
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Gonna go load this bowl....
πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MandyMakesIt
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2020
🚨︎ report
"A truck loaded with thousands of copies of Roget's Thesaurus crashed yesterday losing its entire load.

Witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, stupefied, confused, shocked, rattled, paralysed, dazed, bewildered, mixed up, surprised, awed, dumbfounded, nonplussed, flabbergasted, astounded, amazed, confounded, astonished, overwhelmed, horrified, numbed, speechless, and perplexed.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/always-paranoid
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2020
🚨︎ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Coach Butt pushed his team The Doodies into the Toilet Bowl. But, his team was playing like crap after a heavy load. And even though Coach knew his #1 was flushed, he pointed at him and said...

Urine.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Buschman98
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I called up Weight Watchers, told them there was an emergency and asked for them to send someone round!

Turns out they’ve got loads of them!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DantheMan350V2
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
🚨︎ report
Why are communists good at archery?

They are real Marx-men

πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wspoons5
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call the burnout experienced 3/4’s of the way through hand-washing a particularly large load of dishes?

Post-Traumatic Stress Dishorder.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Colorblindbass
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2020
🚨︎ report
A truck loaded with thesauruses crashed, spilling its contents over a large area...

Onlookers were shocked, astounded, agape, flabbergasted and taken aback.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2020
🚨︎ report
BREAKING NEWS The M6 has become blocked after a truck shed its load of brightly coloured writing paper and envelopes...

Police say the traffic is pretty stationery.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a semi driver rocking out to 80s music while carrying a load of grain?

Haulin’ Oats... πŸ€¦πŸ»β€β™‚οΈπŸ€¦πŸ»β€β™‚οΈπŸ€¦πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ I’ll show myself to the door. -dad

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bradb717
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2019
🚨︎ report
On what side of the cargo ship do they load all the USB charging cables?

The Port side.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GotMyOrangeCrush
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2020
🚨︎ report
I accidentally swallowed a bunch of Scrabble tiles.

My next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Konamicoder
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2020
🚨︎ report
How much fun is doing laundry?

Loads.

πŸ‘︎ 47
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Anyone want my old copies of Chiropractor Monthly....

I've got loads of back issues.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you know the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?

One you see later the other you see after a while.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ajkulick
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm a trucker. My dispatcher texted me to ask if I'd picked up a load of frozen toast. This was my response...

20,000lb of frozen bread so clearly I'm loafing along and a gluten for punishment.

Bad puns are the yeast of my problems. This load takes me to the upper crust, but if I don't get it in on time I'm toast!

Sorry about my rye sense of humor...

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JimMarch
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2019
🚨︎ report
I know loads of jokes about cash machines

I just can't think of one atm

πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HeartBreakKid99
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2018
🚨︎ report
A man walks into a sperm bank

The doctor says "would you get a load of this guy?"

πŸ‘︎ 197
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/baconlover09
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
A man walks into a sperm bank.

The doctor says, "Would you get a load of this guy?"

πŸ‘︎ 78
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wmd1234
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
🚨︎ report
You can never trust your gut

It’s always full of sh!t

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MasterPrize
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Guy walks into a sperm bank

Doctor says "will you get a load of this guy?"

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/QuellinIt
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2020
🚨︎ report

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