I had a dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram.
Everyone knows about the Boston Marathon, but few people know about the less-famous Boston Cream Pie Marathon.
Past participants have said it's actually a piece of cake.
For Christmas my wife asked me if we can finally get something that can do 0 to 100 in less than 3 seconds.
So I got her a scale.
I have been sleeping on the couch for one month now.
So my dad complained that the range on his plug-in hybrid car was less than expected..
I told him to buy a longer lead.
Why is the ocean less honest whenever a seal swims in it?
Because there’s a sea lion.
Star Wars dad jokes seem to be getting less popular.
I have a bad feeling about this.
Bad news, Christmas carolers! Turns out one of our most sacred songs was communist propaganda all along, a hymn to nothing less than Karl Marx’s “The Communist Manifesto”!
Now don’t you feel bad for singing “O Commie, Commie Manual” all those years?
I once defeated our local chess champion in less than three moves.
My karate lessons finally paid off.
What weighs less? A gallon of water, or a gallon of butane?
Butane, of course. It’s the lighter fluid
Did you hear the jokes grandma made about her boobs while being bra-less?
They were real knee-slappers!
What gives you more bedroom and less bedroom at the same time?
I burned 6000 calories in less than 2 hours today!
That’s the last time I take a nap with brownies in the oven.
A man offered me a free 72 ounce steak if I could finish it in 30 minutes or less. I politely declined...
Upon further thought, it was a huge missed steak.
Why do French teeth weigh less on average than English teeth?
Because they're les dents
Who is that arm-less guy that who worked in the bell tower?
No idea but his face rings a bell.
My wife asked me if she got BOTOX would people think less of her
I said “it’s generally not frowned upon”.
Small rocks are less bold
That’s why the big ones are boulder
Girls named Casi have been shown to gamble less than other girls.
Buildings where gambling occurs very often have a sign prohibiting entry to her.
Casi No
What's superman's less famous, powerless, brother's name?
What's the name of that leg-less man in the pool?
Not to brag, but I beat Magnus Carlsen in less than 10 moves without cheating and without Hans
My kick boxing lessons were finally useful
This actually happened early this morning. Our dog,which weighs less than 10pounds, climbed up onto the kitchen counter and ate an entire goddamned loaf of bread while we slept.
On the plus side, for the next few hours at least, we now have a dog that’s certifiably pure bread.
Father of six here… my kids love dad jokes at the dinner table. Mom is less enthusiastic. Today, my eleven year old decided to get in on the action: “what are twins favorite fruits?”
Pears… And then he proceeded to fall out of his chair laughing. Meanwhile mom wants to know how she could’ve tested for this before getting in too deep.
I’m not sure the best sub to put this on but I just have to brag on myself. I just defeated the local chess champion in less than five moves!!!
Finally, my high school karate lessons paid off.
I decided I need less negatively in my life...
...so from now on I'll only measure temperatures in degrees Kelvin.
What's the name of that leg-less women over in the corner?
Eileen.
(and her legless Chinese friend? ...Irene)
I was asked to describe my lifestyle in 4 words or less
I said “I like to be rebellious”
Less than 1% of households in the US have a security system
It's quite an alarming statistic...
What type of house weighs less than all others?
While less dramatic Hamlet's cousin, an orchestral composer, had similar conflicts
We need less long jokes and more one liners in this sub
I’m really going to try to be less condescending to people.
Condescending means to talk down to someone.
What medication makes you less productive?
I trust escalators even less than stairs…
Because, unlike stairs, they are automatically up to something.
My friend is terrified snakes. I asked him if he'd be less afraid of them if they evolved to grow legs.
He said no, regardless of the serpent's stances.
No less than 8 girls asked me to go out today
Perhaps I need to visit women's bathroom more often
I know you have less than 90 degrees.
Last night I had a dream I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram.
I had a dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram....
I had a dream where I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram
Last night I had a dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram.
Last night I had a dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram.
Not to brag, but yesterday I beat our local chess champion in less than 5 moves.
Finally my high school Karate lessons came to some use.
Not to brag, but I defeated our local chess champion in less than five moves.
Finally, my high school karate lessons paid off
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
