What does the philosophy lecturer do when he gets cold feet?
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︎ Dec 09 2020
Lecturer hit us with this one
A duck got a job at a farm, where there was a chicken who ran the place. The chicken was delighted to have the duck join his crew, he personally took the duck around the place and introduced him to all the other farm animals. At the end of the tour the duck asked a question.
Duck: Is there anything I should avoid doing here?
Chicken: Don't cross the road, you'll never hear the end of it.
Bonus: http://blog.rafihecht.com/files/2013/02/chicken-crossing-road.jpg
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︎ Apr 10 2014
Why are ancient history lecturers boring?
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︎ Mar 04 2019
Electronics lecturer dropped this beauty on us
Discussing electrical current and he introduced us to Kirchhoff's current law.
"This is Kirchhoff's current law. I don't know what his previous law was, but this is the current one."
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︎ Aug 07 2014
Dadjoked my lecturer
The whiteboard is always a mess from the previous class and every week my lecturer has been getting more and more annoyed that the previous guy doesn't clean the board after use.
This morning as he begrudgingly stepped towards the board he sighed and asked the heavens, "when will be the day that I stop having to wipe this board?"
I said to him, "I think the writing's on the wall Professor."
I got one cackled laugh amongst many groans
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︎ Apr 16 2014
Dadjoked by lecturer
Talking about particle detectors he asked the audience what gases were used in them. No-one has a clue.
"So... I guess that's hard to gas"
I was the only one laughing.
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︎ Mar 21 2015
My university lecturer said that he gave a seminar to at a local prison last week...
...he then told us how much he enjoyed having a captive audience.
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︎ Nov 27 2013
My Maths lecturer dropped this one during class. Unsurprisingly he is a father of four.
You'll find that a lot of mathematicians tend to be drummers...
because mathematicians really like symbols.
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︎ May 05 2014
Philosophy Lecturer just dadjoked us
Discussing John Locke
Student: But isn't X the case?
Lecturer: Exactly my point, you're Locked in!
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︎ Aug 14 2014
At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, βWhat happened before The Big Bang?β
He said, βSorry. There is no Time.β
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π
︎ Jan 30 2021
What does the plumber say to their child after lecturing them?
ππ¦π΅ π΅π©π’π΅ π΄πͺπ―π¬ πͺπ―...
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︎ Apr 20 2021
I like to lecture about the Cetacean Species by removing whales and dolphins from the equation.
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︎ Apr 29 2021
I was lecturing on the criminal law concept of hot pursuit, and I asked there were any questions.
A student asked "what if you're ugly?'
As an old dad, I was befuddled for a moment before asking "did you just tell a dad joke?" She grinned, and I commissioned her as a dad on the spot.
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︎ Apr 09 2021
After a lecture, a theoretical physicist is asked, "Can you explain what you just said in plain English?"
To which he replied, "It's in the field of possibilities."
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︎ Mar 01 2021
I need help following up with this pun, this is a video about a scientist giving a lecture about fire, I canβt think of any more other than pun-ch line
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︎ Nov 28 2020
A student is arrested and brought to court for carrying a weapon to his morning lecture
Judge: Why did you bring a taser to your lecture?
Defendent: Well you see sir, I have a hard time getting up in the morning. But Iβm not a big fan of soft drinks or coffee, so I thought the next best thing was to give me a good shock.
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︎ May 10 2020
The professor had used the entire blackboard for the lecture
The blackboard is now chalk-full of information
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︎ Jul 27 2020
You know, out West they're started to ban those big round bales of hay you see in that field over there..
.... The cows aren't getting three square meals a day.
(Also, to those who tell dad jokes at every opportunity, I really appreciate you. As a person who grew up without the joy of a pops embarrassing me with terrible jokes, I was always bewildered by the stereotype. Recently though, I've been taking a microeconomics course I was dreading having to take and my professor has "big econ dad" energy. There's a joke every few minutes in his lectures and they give me the energy to keep going. You are appreciated. Even if your kids, spouse, partner, friends, strangers groan at you, undoubtedly someone out there really appreciates your goofiness).
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︎ Apr 14 2021
What do talks, lectures and jokes on Reddit all have in common?
They are all free speech!
https://www.battleforthenet.com/
Stop the FCC from removing net neutrality!
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︎ Nov 22 2017
What excuse did the student use to get away with skipping their zoom lecture?
"My dog ate my computer."
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︎ May 13 2020
My history teacher was talking about mythical medieval creatures
Personally, I think the lecture was starting to drag on
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︎ Mar 26 2021
Why do my university lecture theatres have all this blank artwork on the walls?
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︎ Mar 17 2020
In today's Criminology class we will learn about cannibalism.
It's my Hannibal Lecture.
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︎ Apr 01 2021
My teacher is giving a lecture on the mechanisms of drilling
So far, I find it very boring
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︎ Dec 28 2019
Why was the duck kicked out of his psychology lecture.
He kept calling the professor a quack.
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︎ Jan 05 2020
We were having a biology lecture about Pavlov's dog
We laughed and we laughed then the bell rang and we all went to the cafeteria
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︎ Nov 10 2019
My wife wants me to read Pride and Prejudice, but I refused.
Iβm too good for it, and I have a feeling that the book is going to lecture me.
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︎ Feb 12 2021
I forgot to prepare for my lecture today.
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︎ May 01 2019
That time I beat my dad at his own game. In the middle of a heated lecture about not joining my friends' shenanigans, dad said, "Two wrongs don't make a right."
"Two Wrights do make an airplane."
"I'm proud of you. You're still grounded though."
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︎ Feb 02 2018
How do mathematicians lecture their children?
If Iβve told you n times, Iβve told you n+1 times!
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︎ Jun 01 2019
What do you call someone who learns to draw from online lectures?
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︎ Mar 04 2019
A doctor, who was just newly a dad, decided to give a medical school lecture on the human reproductive system and what he learned throughout his partner's pregnancy. When a student asked what the correct pronunciation of ovaries is, he shrugged and said:
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︎ Mar 17 2019
When I was little, we went to an outdoor lecture featuring the original cast of Star Trek. I was especially excited to see Bones. Unfortunately, we were seated toward the side of the amphitheater, where huge oaks had been planted to frame the stage.
As a result, I couldn't see DeForest through the trees
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︎ Jul 24 2018
I recently gave a lecture instructing people how to give directions by violently thrusting their arm towards the intended destination.
It was a PowerPoint presentation.
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︎ Dec 28 2018
In college, I always fell asleep during my βIntro to Marxismβ lectures.
I found it hard to achieve class consciousness.
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︎ Apr 30 2018
Why isn't there any asparin in the jungle?
Because the paracetamol.
-One of my college lecturers, just now
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︎ Sep 11 2020
In lecture this morning my professor...
My professor was talking about Barbara McClintocks work on corn kernel genetics. He stops all the sudden and says "her work really is not all that a-mazeing." He then proceed to look around to see if we laughed, Which almost no one did, cleared his throat and went back to lecturing.
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︎ Nov 06 2013
My doctor lectured me that drinking too much coffee would make me have to pee a lot.
At first I was really concerned, but then I realized it was just dire rhetoric.
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︎ Jan 08 2017
I attended a psychology lecture by a famous professor today.
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︎ Aug 17 2017
My wife lectured me on how she could improve my tighty whities if she turned them into long johns.
I asked her to keep it brief.
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︎ Jan 27 2018
Listening to an accounting lecture when the professor drops some dad puns...
>Do you know where the smartest and most reasonable people work?
>
At the US mint, because all they do is make cents!
I thought it was over and then two minutes further into the lecture....
>Do you know where else really smart and reasonable people work?
>
At a perfume factory! All they do is make scents!
Now I am just sitting here posting this and trying to think of more puns...
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︎ Oct 09 2013
At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, βWhat happened before The Big Bang?β
He said, βSorry. No Time.β
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︎ Aug 30 2020
At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, βWhat exactly happened before The Big Bang?β
He said, βSorry. No time.β
π︎ 9k
π
︎ Mar 30 2019
At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, βWhat happened before The Big Bang?β
He said, βSorry. No time.β
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︎ Dec 17 2018
When the physics lecture ended, I asked my professor, βWhat happened before The Big Bang?β
He said, βSorry. No time.β
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︎ Sep 22 2019
At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, βWhat happened before The Big Bang?β
He said, βSorry. No time.β
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︎ Jul 14 2019
After the lecture was over, I asked my physics professor, βWhat happened before The Big Bang?β
He said, βSorry. No time.β
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︎ Oct 26 2019
Is a class on cannibalism
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︎ Jan 16 2021
Today's class
Me: What's today's Criminology class on?
Friend: Cannibals.
Me: (gasps) A Hannibal Lecture!
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︎ Nov 04 2020
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