What does the director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases say when he stubs his toe?

Fouchy!

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
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Competitor of Ace Institute of Management be like: Don't be an Acehole!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/saujanyanepal
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2019
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The American Ladder Institute has an annual meeting in October. They have several safety seminars and so on.

It’s their fall meeting.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/segfaulting_again
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2019
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If you are an outrageous lunatic, a mental institute is where you should get in! Oops, meant to say cret in.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/losmi443214
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2019
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Drove past a sign on the freeway that said, "Southern California Institute for the Deaf"...

...I heard that was a great school."

My wife groaned the rest of the drive to her parents house. Also, I'm not a dad but I think I'm ready.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jacoboxsi
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2017
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What kind of learning institute is in a hallway?

A foyer college.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/clifwith1f
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2018
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The National Institute of Father's database was hacked into last night and all their jokes were stolen...

...it was the worst dada breach in its history.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KingJohnHenry
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2017
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Helen Keller Institute

Coworker A: β€œ... then I was at the Helen Keller Institute.” Me: β€œThe Helen Keller Institute? I’ve never seen or heard of it.” Coworker B: β€œThat was horrible.” Me: β€œbut necessary”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/paladdin
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2017
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National Institute of Health decided to get cheeky this week. nih.gov/news/health/may20…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/juniperwak
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2015
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We were driving one night and, as we passed the Braille Institute

my dad asked, "Why do they have the lights on in there? "

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πŸ‘€︎ u/n6jah
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2014
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I met my wife at a mental institution...

We are crazy about each other.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
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Which cultural institution is the funniest?

A museum

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JumpinJaccFlash
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
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If you get released from a mental institutional, and then get committed again-

is that re-psychoing?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/guavacadus
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
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Since the government's instituted shelter-in-place orders, lions have been roaming main street...

It's a Pride Parade.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2020
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The O.Henry Pun-Off is back β€œON!” - Tongues of puns linger
  • Like all cherished things in this covid-crazy world, the O.Henry Museum’s famous free, family friendly celebration of the wit-in-word will take place virtually in cyberspace this year. With an awesome live cast of lively wits and tortured tongues, the online audience will be treated to all the linguistic twists, dramatic turns, and surprise endings they’ve groan to love. Expect to witness wacky word butchers and voracious verbivores from around the globe, all worming their way into your ears. Tongues of tradition, tension and camaraderie make this the premier event for the world's competitive wordplay community
  • Brought to you this year by the City of Austin, Brush Square Museums Foundation, and co- sponsored by Austin's very own Fantastic Magic Camp, as well as the internationally renowned podcast, Pun Intensive, The O. Henry Museum Pun-Off World Championships Punslingers Competition: Online Edition will commence Saturday, November 21, 2020
  • Preliminary live rounds begin Saturday, November 21, 2020, at 11:00am CST, lasting about 2 hours. Later that evening, live competition resumes at 7:00pm CST with head-to-head prime time heats. - See Pun-Off.com for schedule details, links, and more.

[Austin, TX, November 1, 2020] - Although traditionally held outdoors on a single day in the spring, the first portion 2020 the O. Henry Museum Pun-Off competition known as Punniest of Show was conducted via video in October. Now on Saturday, November 21, 2020, PARD will bring you their most popular second segment, O. Henry Museum Pun-Off World Championships Punslingers Competition: Online Edition

This free, fun, and family friendly event will take place online this year, but with special twists, turns, and surprise modifications to make it the perfect 2020 event for the world's competitive wordplay community.

The O. Henry Museum Pun-Off World Championships have been an Austin institution for 43 years. As usual, the contest will feature a cavalcade of word-class wordsmiths from across the globe, all worming their way into your art. Join and enjoy us as they compete to spontaneously spit out the most absurd words you’ve ever heard.

The event will be live streamed at PunIntensive.com.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bpcombs
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
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I tried dating a woman in a mental institution...

Unfortunately it didn't work out because I wasn't committed. :(

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sir_bastard
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2019
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I took a tour of a mental institution the other day

It was insane

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PdawgUltimate
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2019
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If mental institutions started making hiking trails

We could call them β€œpsychopaths”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/iamflexx
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2019
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Financial institutions need your business

In fact, they're banking on it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2018
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I heard they pay construction workers who build financial institutions a higher wage.

Those guys really make bank.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/unclemerle1775
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2018
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y'know if mental institutions had walking trails...

We could call them psychopaths.

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2017
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How did the tree feel in spring?

Releaved

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πŸ‘€︎ u/captainkrinking
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2018
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So Donald Trump (or "the Don" as some call him) has realized that illegal immigrants must be deported at night so that no one will see them leaving and complain...

The problem, however, is that there isn't enough light for the immigrants to find their way back to Mexico. Because of this, the Don institutes his "Early Light" plan in order to give the immigrants a way to see. One immigrant, Jose, is partially blind, so they are wondering if the "Early Light" program will still allow him to see. The ask him: Jose can you see by the Don's "Early Light."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoahTheProtozoa
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2018
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My dad made me groan with this

These two guys from Canada founded a new college. They called it The Canada Institution. The first guy says to the second guy, "We need to think of a shorter name, can you think of one?" The second guy says, "I don't know, Can I?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bluejay314
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2018
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My girlfriend asked me for a bank statement.

I said, "It's a financial institution licensed to receive deposits and make loans."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2018
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This sub needs flairs.

You know, in case we get lost at sea.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Sven
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2014
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My dad has all the options ready

So I'm discussing with my dad what I want to study this fall. I let him know that I like working with people in one way or another.

Me: In the end I think I stand between socionomy and sociology. If I study socionomy, I'll learn about social services and laws related to devolpment of society. If I study sociology, I'll learn about various social behaviour, relations and institutions.

Dad: How about studying sociopathy? Then you'd be great at annoying people!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cammorecruit
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2015
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Got an eye roll from my girlfriend for this...

Me: Have you ever thought about committing a murder?

Her: Yes! glares

Me: But don't you think it would be hard to get a mental institution to accept a group of crows?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/icewewe
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2015
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