He was a Serial Kaler
Cattlecattle
Sorry, may not be a dad joke, my wife actually laughed.
I call them the morel majority.
No, they hunted with clothes on.
I'm the main stake holder.
It ensures I get a good bang for my Buck.
Does anyone know how to grow bacon ?
It said bear left, so we went home.
It’s a Minnie marathon.
Murder in the first deergree
...she was an LPN.
We had a Don't Bother Checking account.
My first pet only had 3 legs, and it was a centipede.
Mom had one bra, and it was a lease.
For breakfast we ate Lieutenant Crunch.
My first spoon was monogrammed though ("1/2 TSP").
We were too poor to even say "awesome." We had to say "awefew."
We sat at the campfire and made S'Lesses.
My pillow only had one side.
Repossession was 9/10 of the law.
Five kids had to share one shoelace, and instead of toenails we grew toe staples.
Our scotch tape was scots-irish.
(I'm allowed)
My first shower came with sound effects and a lightshow.
One year Santa had to bring stockings.
The next year he filled them with nooses.
I did have a jumprope with a rattle on the end. And fangs on the other.
Other kids hunted eggs for Easter but we just died.
... and stumbled across a naked woman. She started flirting with me, so I asked her if she was game.
She replied yes, so I shot her.
It’s for legal porpoises
Therapist: I’m glad that you are finally battling your Damons.
2 guys went duck hunting. They were out there all day and didn't get a single duck. One turns to the other and says I don't understand why we haven't gotten anything yet. The other guy says I don't know, maybe we're not throwing the dog high enough.
Once Upon A Time....
A guy asked a girl to marry him.
She said, "No"
And the guy lived happily ever after, fishing, hunting, riding motorcycles, skiing, gambling, had loads of money in the bank, played a lot of golf, and left the seat up.
THE END.
"Doe!"
I recommend a pair a normal jeans.
He answered, well i went to the camo store and this was the only thing that stood out.
How do the Orcas know how to hunt together?
They must orca-strate it.
Groans from around the room.
I didn't bother because i thought the steaks were too high
By shooting stars
Cheese and quackers
shoulder this bird, hun.
So I went home.
"That was fowl," I told my son.
You have my word.
(My dad put wrote this on the fridge, pls don't kill)
They’re very well orca-strated
“It’s a pleasure to serve you, Mr. Hasselhoff”, said the bartender.
“Just call me Hoff”, he replied.
“Sure”, said the bartender, “no hassle”.
Tractor
He wanted to get the biggest bang for his buck.
Because if you encounter a deer who has a shotgun, it's best to just leave them alone.
It was cutting edge technology
I said, “That’s Heinz sight for you.”
(Five-year-old) I'm a fun guy, so they would eat me.
It was Whiskey business
A sea captain hunted for his white whale for decades. When he finally came upon it, a storm roared to life and began to toss his ship to and fro. A cannon came loose and crushed his leg.
He got the whale, and left behind a legacy.
((Work in progress. Just came to me during a conversation over a game of cards. Feedback welcome.))
Son: Wow that stream is really rush'en.
Me: oh good that is so much better than German.
I just had to pick a country real quick not trying to make any statement....
Their method for hunting polar bears was the most interesting. They would start a fire out on a deep snow bank, and essentially melt a hole in the snow. Once the hole was big enough they would stop feeding it firewood and let it burnout on its own. Once the fire had gone down and was nothing more than smoldering ashes with a little bit of smoke, they would line the edge of the fire pit with snow peas.
All they had to do from there is hide and wait. Once a bear caught scent of the smoke and starts to investigate, the bear would eventually start eating some of the peas. Then they sneak up behind it and kick it in the ash-hole.
I'm the main stake holder.
I am now the main stake holder.
So we went home.
