I called the Incontinence Hotline number.

The voice said, "Please hold."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2020
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Yesterday I called the suicide hotline, and they didn't pick up

Way to leave me hanging guys

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jessetdg4
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2019
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Mental health hotline.

Hello, welcome to the mental health hotline.

If you have obsessive compulsive disorder, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personality syndrome, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you suffer from paranoid schizophrenia, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mothership.

If you are hearing voices, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic depressive, it doesn't matter which button you press. No one will answer anyway.

If you are dyslexic, press 96969696969696.

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound button until a representative comes on the line.

If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's and grandmother's maiden names.

If you have post traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 911.

If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep. Or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short term memory loss, please try you call again in a few minutes.

If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All our representatives are busy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2020
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You have reached the pregnancy hotline...

If you'd like to speak to a physician, dial 1... if you are currently in labor, dial 8...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/profgarden
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2019
🚨︎ report
I called the tinnitus hotline

It didn't stop ringing

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Assfrontation
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2019
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I called the paranoia hotline.

A guy answered β€œHow the hell did you get this number?”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2018
🚨︎ report
The telephone book listing read Suicidal Hotline, which I thought was a typo, so I called it.

The line was dead.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2019
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Chicago's Field Museum has launched a hotline where your child can text-message with a "dinosaur" that answers their questions.

Great, now parents have to worry about their kids getting ghosted by a velociraptor? "Hey Timmy, it's Ronny the Raptor. U up? Don't you hate it when you send an eggplant emoji to a Triceratops and they be like: who dis?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GeoffPlitt
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2019
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My friend had an unpleasant experience with the suicide hotline

They both hung up that day

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rebelz3r0
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2018
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Gambling addiction hotlines would do so much better

if every fifth caller was a winner

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Paladium9999
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2019
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β€œHi, is this the rejection hotline?” β€œNo! Go away!”
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jc123ucme
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2018
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Never leave a message at the Sea World hotline.

They might use your call for training porpoises.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2018
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Why couldn't the man call a sex hotline?

His provider was Virgin Mobile.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Duskario
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2017
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What do you call donating to a trans charity?

A trans-action!

If you want to this is a link to a trans health hotline https://www.translifeline.org/

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nandoah
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2019
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How do Scientists communicate with Amoebas?

Why, call them on their cell phone, of course.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chaosmonkey
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2016
🚨︎ report
Ring ring... ring ring...

"Incontinence hotline, please hold."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cryptozoophagist
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2019
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How do you contact the fire department?

call the hotline.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2018
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In one ear and out the other

Me: -Talking on the phone-

Dad: "That better not be one of those sex hotlines"

Me: "It's not, why"?

Dad: "I don't want you to get hearing aids".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/quenterror
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2014
🚨︎ report
"Incontinence hotline. Please hold!"
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Robot-Downey-Jr
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2019
🚨︎ report

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