Hotline Puns

The voice said, "Please hold."

Way to leave me hanging guys

Hello, welcome to the mental health hotline.

If you have obsessive compulsive disorder, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personality syndrome, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you suffer from paranoid schizophrenia, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mothership.

If you are hearing voices, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic depressive, it doesn't matter which button you press. No one will answer anyway.

If you are dyslexic, press 96969696969696.

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound button until a representative comes on the line.

If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's and grandmother's maiden names.

If you have post traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 911.

If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep. Or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short term memory loss, please try you call again in a few minutes.

If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All our representatives are busy.

If you'd like to speak to a physician, dial 1... if you are currently in labor, dial 8...

It didn't stop ringing

A guy answered “How the hell did you get this number?”

The line was dead.

Great, now parents have to worry about their kids getting ghosted by a velociraptor? "Hey Timmy, it's Ronny the Raptor. U up? Don't you hate it when you send an eggplant emoji to a Triceratops and they be like: who dis?"

They both hung up that day

if every fifth caller was a winner

They might use your call for training porpoises.

His provider was Virgin Mobile.

A trans-action!

If you want to this is a link to a trans health hotline https://www.translifeline.org/

Why, call them on their cell phone, of course.

"Incontinence hotline, please hold."

call the hotline.

Me: -Talking on the phone-

Dad: "That better not be one of those sex hotlines"

Me: "It's not, why"?

Dad: "I don't want you to get hearing aids".