My dog's name is holmes

So when I'm at work he's Holmes alone

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πŸ‘€︎ u/aud_sips
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
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Many people are unaware that Sherlock Holmes is based on Doctor Joseph Bell

In his practice, Dr. Bell sometimes had to treat constipation. That's how he learned to de-deuce.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NathanielleS
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
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My Sherlock Holmes themed Monopoly board is exactly 12 inches

The game is a foot!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vbloke
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
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Why did you find a stoned able Sherlock Holmes applying ketchup to your front yard ??

Because he's a high-functioning sauce-your-path

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pardon_the_panj
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
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Have you seen the movie Enola Holmes?

It's about a girl named Enola, who's name spelled backwards is Alone.

Basically, it's Holmes Alone.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/neverhooder
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2020
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"But Holmes, how did you know the suspect had swallowed the evidence?"

"Alimentary my dear Watson"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/eastville_villan
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
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Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip. ..

After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend.

"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

"I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes," replies Watson.

"And what do you deduce from that?"

Watson ponders for a minute.

"Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?"

Holmes is silent for a moment. "Watson, you idiot!" he says. "Someone has stolen our tent!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
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Detective Holmes: "Watson, what's taking so long in there?"

Watson (constipated): "No shit, Sherlock."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/misterrandom1
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
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Watson and Holmes go out camping.

Holmes noticed that Watson was looking a bit sick for a few days.

"What's wrong, Watson?", he asked. "You seem a bit down."

"Nothing, Holmes. Just having some stomach problems." Watson said. "Constipation, you know. I've suffered for a while."

"Constipation? So you have trouble answering the, ahem, nature's call?" Holmes asked.

"No shit, Sherlock."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ribdunge
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2020
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Holmes and Watson are creeping stealthy along the Street, searching for clues, when Holmes suddenly spots a Bakery shop window and scans it with his magnifying glass. Watson perplexed, says to Sherlock " What are you looking for exactly ? " ...Holmes replies...

" You know my method. It's founded upon the observation of Trifles. "

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2020
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Why did Sherlock Holmes go to the Mexican restaurant?

He was looking for a good CASE-IDEA

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DeletedForSpamm
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2020
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Holmes

Holmes and Watson, investigating a crime, entered a bedroom. Holmes looks and the bed, backs up and says, "There's something wrong with this."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/supercman99
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2020
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Sherlock Holmes: My dear Watson, you have a mole on your right upper thigh. /r/Jokes/comments/fu4m13/…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kookykau
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2020
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When it finally dawned on Watson that it was the limestone he exclaimed β€œBut Holmes, how did you know?!” /r/3amjokes/comments/fmr0…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DenVosReinaert
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2020
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Holmes: "Is that mud on your boots?" Watson: "No, shit, Sherlock"

Holmes: "Is that comforter on your bed?" Watson: "No, sheet, Sherlock"

Holmes: "Is that a long note on your desk?" Watson: "No, chit, Sherlock"

Holmes: "Is that your residence?" Watson: "No, shed, Sherlock"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2019
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Why does Sherlock Holmes love Mexican restaurants?

They give him good case ideas.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BigBoobzz
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2019
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Elizabeth Holmes…

…has already seen "Theranos, End Game"

(Less than a drop of blood was spilled)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lindleyw
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2019
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Why did Sherlock Holmes eat at a Mexican Restaurant?

He wanted a good case idea

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brawhalla_
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2019
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How does Sherlock Holmes ask his assistant what he is thinking about?

John, Watson your mind?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WeAreGrootUnite
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2018
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Sherlock Holmes'partner asked "how's your son?"

Sherlock said, "I have a daughter" Watson?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hotsprings1234
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2019
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I say Holmes....What kind of rock is this?

It's sedimentary my dear Watson.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/catonmyshoulder69
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2019
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Why did Sherlock Holmes get angry at the airport?

He cracked the case.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2018
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Sherlock Holmes comes home with a box of lemons...

Watson asks where he got them.

Holmes replies, "A lemon tree, my dear Watson."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GaiusAurus
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2014
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"But, Holmes, what kind of rock could be formed by deposition and consolidation of mineral and organic material and from the precipitation of minerals from a solution?"

"Sedimentary, my dear Watson."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2017
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What do you call it when Sherlock Holmes is the servant of Oxygen and Boron?

OB-servant

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chalaheadchala1
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2018
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Sherlock Holmes and John Watson are stranded on a deserted island

Sherlock says: We need to get off of this island!

Watson says: No ship, Sherlock!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FwostBytee
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2018
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Watson is heavily constipated. Holmes, for once, is stumped.

He asks Watson what the problem is.

Watson replies: "No shit, Sherlock!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hootanahalf
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2018
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My dad told me that back in the day, there was a silent movie parody of Sherlock Holmes called β€œCoke Ennyday”.

And I said, β€œIsn’t that a bit on the nose?”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Torley_
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2018
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Whay school does Sherlock Holmes' kid go to?

"Elementary" dear Watson "Elementary"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Simple_name_guy
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2018
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If sherlock Holmes was to get with your mum, and be elected to the house of Commons

He'd be a motherfucking PI MP

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πŸ‘€︎ u/danarchist
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2016
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Sherblock Holmes Lego Movie imgur.com/gallery/qZRWbqa
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JesterJLW
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2014
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Do you know what Sherlock Holmes' favorite hobby is?

Taking the two's out of decks of cards.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/robotreader
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2013
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Why did Sherlock Holmes not want a second cup of tea in the emergency room?

Because it was more ER tea.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Reynzo
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2016
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Comedian Pete Holmes talks about being a "fun dad"
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πŸ‘€︎ u/awhitesuit
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2013
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What did Watson say to Sherlock Holmes after peeing?

No shit, Sherlock

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shity_redditor
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2020
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What do you call a constipated Sherlock Holmes?

The no-shit Sherlock!

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sg1ooo
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2019
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Why did Sherlock Holmes go to the mexican restaurant?

He was looking for a good case-idea.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GhostPotency
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2019
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Why did Sherlock Holmes visit a Mexican restaurant?

Because he was looking for a good case idea.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WatchItBuster
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2018
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Sherlock Holmes enters a room carrying a box of lemons

"Where'd you get those?" asks Watson. A lemon tree, my dear Watson. A lemon tree.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CaptainAsberger
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2018
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Sherlock Holmes

Sherlock Holmes is inspecting a bed. He says to Watson "this bed is missing something". Watson replies "no sheet sherlock".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ReeferChiefer29
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2017
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Sherlock Holmes: doctor, i i have severe constipation.

Doctor: No shit Sherlock?

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2014
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