HOLMES 2 Puns

So when I'm at work he's Holmes alone

It's about a girl named Enola, who's name spelled backwards is Alone.

Basically, it's Holmes Alone.

After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend.

"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

"I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes," replies Watson.

"And what do you deduce from that?"

Watson ponders for a minute.

"Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?"

Holmes is silent for a moment. "Watson, you idiot!" he says. "Someone has stolen our tent!"

Holmes noticed that Watson was looking a bit sick for a few days.

"What's wrong, Watson?", he asked. "You seem a bit down."

"Nothing, Holmes. Just having some stomach problems." Watson said. "Constipation, you know. I've suffered for a while."

"Constipation? So you have trouble answering the, ahem, nature's call?" Holmes asked.

"No shit, Sherlock."

Holmes and Watson, investigating a crime, entered a bedroom. Holmes looks and the bed, backs up and says, "There's something wrong with this."

Holmes

Holmes and Watson are about to go out on an investigation. Before leaving, Watson says he needs to use the restroom. He goes in and 5 minutes pass, 10 minutes pass, 15 minutes pass. Finally Holmes goes to the door and asks if he's feeling constipated. Watson replies, "Yeah, no shit Sherlock!"

His name was Sherlock, holmes.

Because that’s where he was told he could find Holmes.

Holmes: "Is that comforter on your bed?" Watson: "No, sheet, Sherlock"

Holmes: "Is that a long note on your desk?" Watson: "No, chit, Sherlock"

Holmes: "Is that your residence?" Watson: "No, shed, Sherlock"

“Ah yes, Sherlock fancies himself quite the chef. You really must come visit us for dinner Friday at old 221B! There’s no place like Holmes’ for the hollandaise!”

I think his name was Sheer luck Holmes

He Sherlocks his Holmes well.

She didn't think it was very Christmassy until I sang that "I'll be Holmes for Christmas..."

I think they need good Holmes.

Watson asks where he got them.

Holmes replies, "A lemon tree, my dear Watson."

My wife and I purchased a car last night and since she would be using the car the most, I said she could name it. It is a VW Passat station wagon.

She decided on "Watson the Wagon" as she is a huge Sherlock Holmes enthusiast.

This afternoon she said, "If the A/C goes out in the car you can say 'It's a bit warm in here Watson'".

If Sherlock Holmes was constipated, would that be "No shit Sherlock"?

Fucking dad

At Holm-school

Patty theft.

(Disclaimer: Stolen from Pete Holmes, but he's the daddiest non-dad on TV)

Holmes

Sherlock Holmes is inspecting a bed. He says to Watson "this bed is missing something". Watson replies "no sheet sherlock".

Holmes and Watson are about to go out on an investigation. Before leaving, Watson says he needs to use the restroom. He goes in and 5 minutes pass, 10 minutes pass, 15 minutes pass. Finally Holmes goes to the door and asks if he's feeling constipated. Watson replies, "Yeah, no shit Sherlock!"