Why didn't the chef graduate culinary school?

He failed the main course.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zsm1994
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2021
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When my kid graduates high school I want him to go to Indiana for college.

Then I can have a β€œHoosier Daddy” bumper sticker.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/damscomp
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
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What do you call a boat full of high school graduates

A scholarship

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πŸ‘€︎ u/It_was_me_hanzo
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2019
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How did the pirate manage to graduate high school?

He wasn’t the top of his class, but his grades here in the high C’s...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mistermajik2000
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2018
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Why don't farts ever graduate high school?

Because they always end up getting expelled.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/abnormis_sapiens
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2019
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You know what I wanna do once I graduate from nursing school?

Be a midhusband

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πŸ‘€︎ u/anxiouscuke
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2019
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What's the best way to graduate from train conductor school?

By making sure you stay on track...

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rbasham08
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2018
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Dad Joke, graduate school edition

I recently got accepted into Virginia Tech's graduate program. For those who don't know, their mascot is the "Hokie". This past Sunday, Dad looks at me and states, "Well at least they have a really well known fight song." "Um...I'm not sure what it is, haven't heard it yet." He then proceeds to start singing the Hokie Pokie, and begins laughing hysterically, to the groan of the whole family.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/onlytounsubscribe
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2014
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When I graduate from vet school, I want to care for the pets of former nazi soldiers.

Basically, I want to be a veteran aryan veterinarian.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RussIsAnOkayGuy
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2015
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What do they call the person in medical school who graduates last in his class?

Doctor.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/grammascookies
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2015
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I wrote a card for my friend who just graduated high school and wants to study geology and/or paleontology in college. She also likes puns :)
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Neutrinoccino
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2020
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I'm surprised to find myself working at NASA even though i never graduated high school.

Someone had to clean the toilets and keep the place clean.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Slymood
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
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When I graduated culinary school my parents gave me a gold-plated spoon.

It was a stirring tribute.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/emjay144
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2020
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After graduating from high school, my daughter moved away from home to study at university. She sent this letter home to me…

Dear Dad,

University i$ really great.

I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard.

With all my $tuff, I $imply Β’an't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.

Love, your $usie.

I immediately replied back…

Dear Susie,

I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy.

Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.

Love, Dad

πŸ‘︎ 361
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2019
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At my sister's high school graduation, one kid threw his cap in the air too early.

My dad turns to me and says, "Oops, Premature Ecapulation."

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RayInRed
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
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I just took my last exam before graduating out of culinary school.

The final was a piece of cake.

πŸ‘︎ 57
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2019
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My daughter just graduated from law school...

now she's my daughter in law

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rwolfe1999
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2019
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I would have graduated ninja school

But nobody ever knew I was in the class

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πŸ‘€︎ u/I_sell_phones_ama
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2017
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My wife was surprised to see me wearing a sombrero in all my high school graduation photos.

I had to explainβ€” it was my Senor year.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2018
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Missed my school's graduation toast, so I made my own

http://imgur.com/gallery/pm5eOfk

edit: I'M NOT A FATHER BTW

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πŸ‘€︎ u/scuba_steve94
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2016
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Did you hear about that guy who graduated terrorist school?

His career really blew up!

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wsychang
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2016
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The high school choir was singing badly during graduation last night

Dad: Something is wrong with that song.

Me: Lauren says it is from Rent.

Me: It's about AIDS she says.

Dad: They ought to return it.

http://i.imgur.com/7lsPNQZ.jpg

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tickthegreat
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2014
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Why's it hard for Americans to go to Canadian colleges?

Because... you must graduate High School with all Eh's.

πŸ‘︎ 46
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MyLatestInvention
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
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I will never have the audacity to choose a career path for my children

It's their responsibility to choose which Medical School they'll graduate from

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2020
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My career counsellor keeps encouraging me to drop out.

Thanks to her, I’m graduating from Sky diving school.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
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I hate it when kids these days write β€œangle” instead of β€œangel.”

They are just trying to be edgy.

πŸ‘︎ 83
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2019
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I dadjoked my students today, pretty proud of it actually.

I am a teacher, I teach history first semester and economics second semester.

One student was upset about having so many graphs to understand and learn how to use.

St: I'm ok with memorizing everything about history, I'm ok figuring out how wars started and ended, but graphs...

Me: graphs is where you draw the line huh?

A five on the sighsmograph. Beautiful!

Edit: spelling

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sal6a
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2015
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[REQUEST] I need roast jokes for middle schoolers.

Mods, if this is against the rules, I apologize. Feel free to remove and I'll try and find better luck on Google.

I'm a middle school teacher and my 8th graders are graduating on Thursday. They've been a great, wonderful class to have, but they always complain about lame my jokes are. I feel that the most suitable way to send them off would be, either on the last day of class or at their graduation ceremony, would be to send them off with their own individual dad roast from me. (Think Norm MacDonald at the Bob Saget roast).

If anybody has any good dad roast jokes that won't get me fired nor get misconstrued for bullying, I'd greatly appreciate it. Thanks!

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2018
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My parents came down to visit me this weekend. Dad pulled a quick one.

So I'm in undergrad right now, on track to apply to dental school and whatnot. My parents came down to visit me and bring me some home cooked goodies. They got hungry so we decided to hit up a BBQ joint. In the car, my mom is scolding me for something (I forget what for) but my reply was that I don't have any patience to do it. She says "Why don't you have any patience?" when my dad chimes in and says "Well, he has to wait until he graduates from dental school before he gets any patients".

Baduhm-tss

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrwongme
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2013
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Got DadJoked by my next-door neighbor's dad.

Whenever I'm in town, I'll play my next-door neighbor's dad in a couple games of chess. We've been doing it for nearly 15 years.

Yesterday, I visited him and was telling him about my future plans. I said, "Yeah, I think I'll take the GRE and go to graduate school. I just really want to go back to school."

He replies, "Skip the GRE. I can school you right now. Let's play some chess."

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dingledog
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2014
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The story of a boy named Bonnie

There was a boy in high school named Bonnie. As you can imagine, he was bullied and picked on because of his strange name. This lead to social anxiety and a few other issues, but there was one girl who helped him through all of his pain. He had a huge crush on this girl, and after weeks of psyching himself up, he asked her to the school dance coming up.

Much to his delight, he said yes, and off to the dance they went. They had a great time and shortly after, started dating. They spent a lot of time together, calling, texting and always hanging out. They were meant for each other. They continued dating after high school, into college. On their graduation day, he proposed to her on the stage. He was nervous about asking her in public like this, but as he got down on one knee, her face lit up, tears formed in her eyes. He asked her to marry him, she said yes and the crowd cheered.

Fast forward a few years, they've bought their own house, and she's now pregnant with their first child. In the delivery room, Bonnie is standing by her side, their newborn child in her arms.

"I love you so much, hon." Bonnie told his wife, holding one of her hands. "You can name our baby girl anything you wise." he told her.

"Love. I want to name her Love." she replied, looking into his eyes. Bonnie was surprised by the strange name, and at first hesitant to agree, but he told her she could name their daughter anything. He nods in agreement and they carry on with their lives.

Fourteen years later, as with what happened with Bonnie, Love was picked on in high school for her strange name. One day, Love came home crying.

"What's wrong, Love?" Bonnie asked her worriedly.

"I hate you! Why did you give me such a stupid name?!" she screamed at him. She was furious. She was tired of the teasing and the mockery in high school. In a fit of rage, she pulled out Bonnie's handgun she had found in his night stand. She pulled the trigger and a bullet passed into Bonnie's chest.

Love panicked and ran away, and Bonnie's wife came after hearing the gun shot. She ran to Bonnie's side, picking his head up in her hands. She asked him what had happened.

"Shot through the heart... And you're to blame..." He said, weakly. "You gave Love... A bad name."

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πŸ“…︎ May 06 2016
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My dad laid this one on me at lunch today...

Talking about my upcoming graduation from grad school, I told my dad that getting a master's degree is nothing compared to how many degrees he has. To which he replied,

"Well, then I guess you can just call me Dr. Fahrenheit!"

...I love that guy.

πŸ‘︎ 46
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Leviajonathan
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2013
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Bar pickup

Girl says to me: I just graduated from school and now I work for a nonprofit called "The Panther Club".

Me: in ten years will it be "The Cougar Club?"

Didn't work.

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2015
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Fatherly Career Advice

Talking to my dad about going to graduate school and studying neuroscience and such,

Dad-You should be an electrician instead

Me-Why?

Dad-So you can check girls' shorts

EDIT:Formatting

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πŸ‘€︎ u/stepsforawesome
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2013
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College Advice

I'm a senior in high school, on the homestretch to graduation, then college.

>I've got one piece of advice for you when you go off to college. Choose your friends wisely. You are judged by the people around you. . .and I wouldn't want you to give any of those idiots a bad name.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PlaidDragon
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2014
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Subs from a Sub

So my dad substitute teaches at my old high school. When graduation parties came around last year, he was invited to one (the kids really like him).

He handed the kid a card and asked him to open it then. It was a Subway gift card. The kid looked confused, but thankful, and my dad said;

"Subs from a sub!"

Both the graduating kid and I groaned loudly.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/forensikat
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2014
🚨︎ report
After graduating from high school, my daughter moved away from home to study at university. She sent this letter home to me…

Dear dad,

University i$ really great.

I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard.

With all my $tuff, I $imply Β’an't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.

Love, your $usie.

I immediately replied back…

Dear Susie,

I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy.

Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.

Love,

dad

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2017
🚨︎ report
I just took my last exam before graduating out of culinary school.

The final was a piece of cake.

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2019
🚨︎ report
After graduating from high school, my daughter moved away from home to study at university. She sent this letter home to me…

Dear dad,

University i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply Β’an't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.

Love, your $usie

I immediately replied back…

Dear Susie,

I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.

Love, dad

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a student who graduated last in medical school?

Doctor

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2018
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After graduating from high school, my daughter moved away from home to study at university. She sent this letter home to me…

H

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2017
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My academic advisor keeps encouraging me to drop out.

Thanks to him, I’m soon graduating from the Sky Diving school.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2019
🚨︎ report

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