I went to the doctor because my arm hurt. He took an Xray and told me I have a humerus fracture.

Personally, I didn't find it funny at all.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GrendelBlackedOut
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
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My mate works in Dublin hospital’s fracture clinic. The pay's crap....

....but she enjoys the craic.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tuna_Stubbs
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2020
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TIL: Humans are born with four kidneys

When they grow up, two of them becomes adult knees

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Not_obnoxious
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
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Needed a rest, so I went to the fracture clinic.

Turns out it was a good place for a break.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mattgibbo
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2018
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The general physician wanted to focus mainly on fractures and spent a lot of money advertising for them.

She wanted to go for broke

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2018
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As an EMT you don't see a lot of open spinal fractures...

...But you always C-spine on longboard accidents.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PyrosEnjoyPieHW2
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2016
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The chemistry teacher broke her leg.

Turned out it was a compound fracture.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2020
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Dad joking at the ER after a clavicle fracture

Doctor: Do you want any painkillers? Have you got anything at home?

Me: We've got some paracetamol

Doctor: Would you like anything a bit stronger?

Dad chimes in: I'm sure it couldn't hurt...

He was a bit dismayed the doctor didn't catch it until I started laughing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Charata
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2014
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If a plane has a small dent, does that make it an...

Airline Fracture?!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ClutchSaddles
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2020
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Todays forecast.. imgur.com/GSDwTR1
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dhalsimballskin
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2017
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Did you hear about the fella who tried to cut his own hair?

He was rushed to hospital with a hairline fracture

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wholesome_cream
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2020
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My wife pointed to a dent on the side of the plane and said, β€œShould we be worried?”

I said, β€œNo. It’s just an....Airline fracture.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2019
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What do you call the first sign of baldness?

A hairline fracture!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CaptainLongsack
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
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All that starts well ends well?

Girlfriend's grandmum fractured her hip Saturday and got out of hip replacement surgery earlier today and has been given the green light that all is good!

I really want to tell her family "Hip hip hooray" but I think it will end up with me having one less person in my life.

We will see how that goes!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WatashiwaSohaides
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2018
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I don't know about you guys... but I found this pretty humerus imgur.com/qTWvps9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/eternalfantasi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2014
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My SO sprained her ankle last night. After a few hours waiting in the emergency room we were sent to the radiology for an X-Ray!

I told her to break a leg.

^(I just had to share this. For what it was worth, I made her smile, like an upset "I don't want to laugh at this moment, but I can't help it" kind of smile, and that's what counts. Luckily there were no fractured bones.)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Patrick_the_Saint
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2018
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I was talking to a guy at work. The conversation got around to wives, and he said he had been widowed three times. I said "Three wives, all dead and buried?" He said "Yes."

"What happened to the first one?" "Poison Mushrooms." "What happened to the second one?" "Poison Mushrooms." "And the third?" "Fractured skull." "How did that happen?" "She wouldn't eat the bloody poison mushrooms."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LordDobbington
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2018
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Which Star Wars character is accident prone?

Boo-Boo Fett

(Taken from Dad Jokes & Fractured Fables Volume One by Eric Dugan--me)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ergmr
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2018
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My sister was in a pretty bad car accident a few years ago

Hit head-on by a drunk driver, she broke her right wrist and forearm (compound fracture), and broke her right femur. The doctor came to talk to us after the surgery and told us she was okay. My dad asked, "will she be able to play the trumpet?" And the doctor assured us that she would make a full recovery and be able to play after the cast came off. To which my dad replies, "Wow, you're one hell of a doctor. All she could play before was the piano!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/omaha_shanks
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2013
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Got the wife.

So I fell and either sprained or broke my ankle this morning chasing my son around.

Told my wife I had been assaulted, so she better get me some pepper for balance.

The eye roll was epic.

Edit: hairline fracture on my ankle

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πŸ‘€︎ u/giorgioisright
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2016
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Old doctors never die they just lose their patience

I had just taken a fall down a flight of stairs and hit my head the week before so my dad and I went to visit the radiologist to gets some scans done to monitor the damage. After the scans were finished the radiologist went to talk to my dad about the results. When they had finished talking my dad came to talk to me with a grave look on his face. Dad: bleedingllamadance I'm sorry to say, they found something on the scan... Me: What did they find? Am I going to be okay? Dad: I'm sorry but.... they found a brain! (laughs until he starts wheezing) Dad: But actually you do have a hairline fracture on your skull

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πŸ“…︎ May 29 2014
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Go For Broke

Fractured my collarbone a few weeks back in a motorcycle accident and had to have surgery. Got some good results in a follow up appointment.

My parents and I talked about it afterwards, one of the big questions being "Will he be able to drive soon?" by my Mother.

My Father responds with "No, but I bet he can putt."

Thanks for the smile, Dad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pomum
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2013
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Inadvertently Dad-Joked Myself...

I've recovering from a bad road bike crash where I fractured my hip and was in the hospital a few days after surgery (about 4 weeks ago). I was knocked unconscious in the crash, but my helmet probably saved my life and I was diagnosed with post-traumatic amnesia.

A few days later I was talking to a friend and he was asking about the crash and I said, "The doctor told me a name for the type of amnesia it is, but I don't remember it..."

He replied with a laugh, "Did you mean to make that joke?"

I didn't. It's hilarious.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Horse_Glue_Knower
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2015
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Dadjoked my wife at lunch yesterday

Last week my wife fractured her tibia while we were on vacation. She is now in a boot up to her knee and confined to a wheelchair for a couple weeks as she can't put any weight on it.

Yesterday, we were having lunch at a fast food restaurant and she asked me to get her some ketchup. I looked right at her and said, "Why? Is your leg broken?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ImmortalityLTD
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2014
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Dad joked by my doctor

"Well, your X-rays show you fractured your humerus.......well that's not very funny is it!?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wrestler135
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2015
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Apparently I am a bad influence.

So a couple days ago as I was leaving work I get a phone call from a friend of mine who I shall call k during this story

Now K never calls people so I was surprised that he was calling me, and was even more surprised when the first words he said when I picked up where, β€œAcriloc you’re a bad influence on my brother.”

I was shocked at such an accusation, wounded even and asked why. K then proceeded to tell me how when he was at work he slipped on a recently mopped floor and fractured his arm. A coworker of his dropped him off at the ER where he decided to text his brother C, someone whom I’m friend with as well, while he waited.

C asked if K was ok, and how since K works in a kitchen what’s he going to do if he can’t use his right arm for a while. K then told C how he tends to practice using his left arm just in case anything like this would happen, and though he won’t be able to do everything he did in the kitchen he’ll still be able to work and help out.

C responded with, β€œI guess all that practice came in....handy.”
Causing K to burst out in laughter in the middle of the ER waiting room, filled with people who are in pain and not having a pleasant day. The amount of death stares he got from people as he was laughing while trying to point at his phone and explain he’s laughing because of a lame joke his brother sent him was quite the sight to behold apparently.

Apparently I am to blame for all this because C used to never make jokes like that until he met me since I try to find any excuse to make a dad joke.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Acriloc
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2014
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Dadjoked a friend at practice

He showed up to one of our practices with a soft cast on his wrist. He told our coach, "I won't be able to play for a few days, I have a hairline fracture."

I gently ruffled my hand through the front of his wavy hair and said, "Oh my god, will you be okay?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ItsRatherWindy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2014
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