My kid keeps forgetting to flush the toilet after he takes a dump.
"That shit is getting old," I told him.
PS: Do I get any extra credit if this is a real story?
My wife wanted to buy a ceiling light. She said, “this one comes with a hanging chain but I think we should just mount it flush with the ceiling.”
I said, “that would be off the chain.”
Why did Captain Kirk flush the brand new toilet?
Because William Shatner
For those hoarding mouthwash: Remember that you should never flush Listerine® down the toilet.
It's an anti-septic.
What did the pregnant mare say when she gave birth upon being dealt a royal flush?
"I foaled."
Some people stand up off the toilet before they flush, but I don’t
I don’t want to see that shit
Bob Dylan bought a watch made of a toilet flush and Bombay Sapphire.
The times they are a chain gin.
Why did the soldier flush the toilet?
Because it was his duty.
I should have known better than to flush my wooden shoes down the toilet.
Now it's clogged.
I suppose a flush can beat a full house if...
...one is a plumber.
Never flush a snake down the toilet.
It’ll just come back to bite you.
As a plumber, I often have nightmares about the dripping faucet I can't fix and the toilet that will not flush (good horror movie titles, btw)...
It's plumb crazy, but I have pipe dreams!
Why did the superhero flush the toilet
Because it was his doody!
How does Chuck Norris flush the toilet?
He doesn't, he scares the living shit out of it
Every time I flush the toilet...
Shit goes down
I got a pear stuck in my toilet. All I needed to do was flush and it was gone.
Because a flush always beats a pair.
What do you get when bloods and crips don’t flush the toilet?
a whole lotta gang shit
Somewhere in my head I apologize to the people at the water treatment plant every time I flush...
I mean that's a... crappy job.
I only buy the really good toilet paper when I'm feeling flush.
