Because it was a chili dog.
Yeah, apparently it was the first ever serf face to heir missile.
The Russians were Finnished
True dad that man!!
Witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, stupefied, confused, shocked, rattled, paralysed, dazed, bewildered, mixed up, surprised, awed, dumbfounded, nonplussed, flabbergasted, astounded, amazed, confounded, astonished, overwhelmed, horrified, numbed, speechless, and perplexed.
He spilled the beans!
Onlookers were shocked, astounded, agape, flabbergasted and taken aback.
Enraged, he raises the pistol into the air and shouts, "which one of you bastards had sex with my wife?!"
The bar falls silent. After what seems like an eternity, a man in the back replies:
"You don't have enough bullets!"
A cheesey pickup line.
cantaloupe
"What did Washington say to his men before they crossed the Deleware?" "What dad?" "Get in the boat, men!"
They're full of li 's
So I happen to be grocery shopping along with my dad in a Target store. Not much to pick up but two of the items we needed were thyme and milk. They happen to be within a few feet of each other in the same cooled location. We both see the thyme first, but I am the one who happens to grab it. I reach for the first one in a long line of cases of thyme and something must have happened where it was too tightly loaded in the spring rack so that when I grabbed the one, the spring shot and about five more flung out, some landing on the floor, some breaking open on the shelves. I see the mess made and, admittedly selfishly, said "Not my problem" and walked over the get the milk (2% organic for context). I grab the milk and walk back over to see my dad picking up the mess. I walk closer. I look at him, he looks at me and he ignites the funny bomb that was rummaging through his brain for the last 20 second waiting for me to arrive:
"Well, now you know how thyme flies."
I have only my shelf to blame.
A friend gave me a load of cooking ingredients but no recipe.
I thought "I don't know what to make of this"
The cashier asked if I wanna box for it. I had to tell him wrestling was more my sport.
I can't believe he tried to pull this shit!
It's a loaf hat diet.
I thought "That's a turtle disaster".
Baaa rain 🇧🇭
It was a large scale celebration.
...he ordered all flare guns to be loaded with an action figure in his likeness. That's right: the Very model of a modern major general.
I was collecting C Cells on the sea shore.
Well, I’m not going to spread it
With friends like that, who needs enemas?
And we were passed by a large semi hauling a load of cattle. I pointed to it and remarked "Well, if that's not fast food, I don't know what is..."
He only went for a gander
Police are combing the area
People are dying to get in!
Last month, a guy in Cincinnati stole a salt truck and led police on a 30 minute chase. (true story) At one point he tried to dump the load of salt on a police car. I told my teenage daughter this and she looked at me with a straight face and said “I guess they’re going to arrest him for assaulting an officer.” 😁
Never been prouder of my daughter. 😎
Math, physics, comp sci. The only easy class was "The American Century." Open book midterm and final, so he wasn't going to do any of the reading all semester.
“It’s a huge waste of time, Dad,” he laughed when I objected. “I’m not learning a damn thing in the class.”
“Well, then you’re just going to have to take that class over again,” I snapped at him.
“What are you talking about?” he yelped.
“You know why, Gabe,” I said. “Those who don’t learn from history are condemned to repeat it.”
She's so good at dealing with loads of semen
Once Upon A Time....
A guy asked a girl to marry him.
She said, "No"
And the guy lived happily ever after, fishing, hunting, riding motorcycles, skiing, gambling, had loads of money in the bank, played a lot of golf, and left the seat up.
THE END.
I never slaw it coming.
What a load of bologna.
So my dad brought her a glass of wine.
It was amazing.
But it was a load of rubbish.
They are real Marx-men
That took a lot of guts!
..It's Hans free now.
I just can't think of one atm
I have got loads of back issues.
Whenever I have to sign for paperwork when picking up a load, occasionally I am asked to sign and date the bills. Whenever I'm asked to sign and date them I say "I can't date these, I'm married!"
