Today, while hanging Halloween lights, my 3 year old made his first pun:
Wow, that blue spider is so beautiful! It’s Blue-tiful!
I’m so proud.
The first pun ever told
I didn't know this but the first pun ever was in a fairy tale. A woman living in a tower threw down her hair so her suitor could climb up and she said "Hair you are!". Not the best, but good to know how Rapunzel got her name.
My first pun;
I am terrified of words that contain no vowels.
I live in consonant fear of them.
Not my first pun but second pun here. Don't WINE about my Photoshop skills.
Baby's first pun
My first born is due soon and so to prepare it for life with its father I wanted the first words it hears from me to be a pun. We don't know the sex yet so I need to have a back up plan.
Currently is if is male I am thinking of "It's aboy-t time you showed up". I am fairly happy with this but I am also open to suggestions. I still need either a genderless pun or girl based pun though.
My first pun on here. I really hope it takes off.
Larry Bird catches the worm (first pun :p)
In Colorado for work, had some free time, and animated my first pun.
imgur.com/MCThxnS
Tattoo pun. [My first pun post.]
If I get my face tattooed on my body, I'd get AHEAD of myself.
Participating in my first pun competition soon- advice?
The first round is 90 seconds to come up with as many puns as possible. Second round is teams, round-robin style. Any pro punners out there with tips?
I got my friend once. It was my first pun.
We were in class and my friend saw my eraser on the desk. He then takes out his own eraser.
Friend: Look at your eraser, so dirty and old whereas mine is so clean and pure.
Me: Don't be e-racist
Friend: ...
I was so happy that day.
Dadjoked my kid, it's the first pun he understood.
He wanted kelp flakes on his pasta (don't ask). I said "I don't have the shaker, ask mom to kelp you."
He immediately got a big grin on his face, just as mom rolled her eyes.
The genie asked, "What’s your first wish?" Steve replied, "I wish I was rich!" The genie nodded and said, "What’s your second wish?"
Rich exclaimed, "I want lots of money!"
The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve.
It was an Apple with limited memory; just one byte. Then, everything crashed.
Special moment: giving my sun his first bath.
In laughter the 'L' comes first.
The rest of the letters comes 'aughter' it.
I've just made a list of the top 10 dad jokes I know. The first 9 are alright but the last one is absoutely briliant.
- alright
- alright
- alright
- alright
- alright
- alright
- alright
- alright
- alright
- absoutely briliant
You are lost in winter but find a cabin. You find it has a fireplace, a kerosene lamp and a stove, but you only have one match. What item in the cabin do you light first?
FIRST DATE: Her dad: "I want her home before midnight."
Me: "But you already own her home."
Dad: -turning to daughter- "If you don't sleep with him, I will."
Credit to u/psybermonkey15
I can’t wait till my Wife and I have a our first baby.
I’ll hand them to her and say “Here’s the fruits of your labor.”
When I first started learning how to drive, I used to be afraid of speed bumps.
But slowly, I got over it.
When I was first learning Photoshop I got a bit creative. I could hear my friends roll their eyes.
Guys, today was my first day in the navy and I felt so lost!
At first I thought breaking up with an egg would be hard...
We just bought our new dream house and as I was showing our daughter around for the first time, she asked excitedly, "What's upstairs!?" I chuckled and replied, "Awwwww sweetie...."
If I ever had identical twin daughters, I'd name the first one Kate....
....and the second one Duplikate.
today is my first cake day so I decided to give you guys a joke
What do you call an Irishman bouncing off the walls?
Rick O Shea
My son asked me if I knew any good chemistry jokes as he'd just had his first chemistry class. I thought about telling him one about alkalinity...
But then I thought; 'Nah, too basic...'
I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
My wife asked me, “Why don’t you treat me like you did when we were first dating!?”
So I took her to dinner and a movie then dropped her off at her parents’ house...
What did Yoda say when he was first shown in 1080p?
I'm really into the first row of a csv.
You could call me a header-row sexual
What's the first thing the taxi driver said to the wolf?
Me: What is the first letter of the word “yellow?”
Kid: Y
Me: Coz I want to know.
A woman is on trial for beating her significant other with a guitar. “First offender?” the judge asked.
“No” she replied. “First a Gibson , then a Fender”
Who invented the first plane
I quit my job as a postman when they handed me my first letter to deliver.
I looked at it and thought, “This isn’t for me.”
My 4 year old just told her first dad joke, and I've never been more proud.
My pregnant wife is wearing a white shirt that has a pumpkin painted over her belly, for Halloween. We are having another little girl, and have set on the name Ellie.
My daughter comes home, and is greeted by my wife.
4yo: "I like your shirt mama!
Wife: "Aww thank you! Do you like my pumpkin belly?
4yo: "...I like your pumpkin Ellie!"
At first I wasn't going to get a brain transplant,
but then I changed my mind.
Cow #1: Remember the first time we were milked by the farmer?
Cow #2: This brings back mammaries.
An old woman flew overseas for the first time.
She said it was an uplifting experience
First tattoo i ever did, it was pretty “hard” wink wink
My buddy Linux would always lead the lineup with a bunt and steal second shortly after. And no matter how bad I wanted to swing for the fences, if the batter before me didn't make first; coach would turn to me and say......
I went to the shooting range for the first time, but I couldn’t get my gun to fire
I had to read the trouble shooting section in the manual
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