I got caught up in a Fire Ant's Nest....

It was Ant-Agonizing.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/aWayCup
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 17 2021
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
How did the fire ant feel after the rain storm flooded his home?

Very put out, indeed!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 6
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/pippingigi
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
What do you call a confident and stylish, male fire ants?

Flamboyant

๐Ÿ‘︎ 7
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Doorbell28
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 18 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
What do you call stupid ants that put out fires?

Fire-retard-ants

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/PenguinGuy14
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 06 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
There was a fire in the ant hills today

Luckily, fire ants came to the rescue.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/kaushik_220601
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 27 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
TIL: You can know an antโ€™s IQ by seeing how it reacts to fire.

If it burns, itโ€™s a smart ant. If it does not, itโ€™s retardant.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 16
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 05 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
What do you call a dumb ant that can put out a fire?

A Fire-retard-ant

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/PenguinGuy14
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 06 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
What happens if you eat fire ants?

You have to take an ant-acid.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/orangeyf23
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 11 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Two friends Bob and Frank are lost in the jungle when they are surrounded by a group of blood thirsty cannibals.

They are surrounded by dozens of the fierce blood thirsty warriors armed with clubs and spears. The leader of the warriors approaches the two friends and informs them they are trespassing on sacred land and unless they can prove they are descendants of the Gods they will be killed and eaten.

Bob and Frank realize they have little choice but agree they will attempt any test to try to save their lives.

The chief warrior brings them a bowl full of angry fire ants and drops one small seed into the bowl. He informs them they must put their lips in the bowl and suck as hard as they can. If they manage to suck up only the seed without sucking up an ant then the tribe would know they must be sent from the Gods.

Bob looks wearily at Frank but knowing they have no other options he puts his lips in the bowl and sucks hard. He immediately gets a mouth full of ants and screams in pain as they bite away at the inside of his mouth. Frank now even more nervous takes his turn and to his dismay also receives a nasty mouthful of the viscous buggers.

The warriors leap to their feet and surround the friends, โ€œNow you must dieโ€ declares the chieftain. Just as the first spear is raised to Franks throat he screams โ€œTria-Gan!โ€ The warriors stop dead in their tracks. โ€œWhat did you sayโ€ asked the chief. โ€œTria-Ganโ€ yelled frank again. Immediately the chief and his warriors turned and fled into the forest.

โ€œHoly shitโ€ said Bob โ€œWhat did you just say and how did you know it would work?โ€

โ€œWellโ€ said Frank, โ€œmy Mother always told me if at first you donโ€™t suck seed try Tria-Gan.โ€

๐Ÿ‘︎ 6
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/usernamemispeled
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 26 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
At the zoo today my wife and daughter were sitting on a bench. My daughter asks me to help her up...

So I look intently and say, โ€œIs that fire-ants crawling around on that bench?โ€ It definitely helped them both get up. ๐Ÿ˜‰

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Texntodd
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 25 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Nihilist Dad Jokes

Why did the scarecrow win a prize? Because he stood alone in his field! He stood there for years, rotting, until he was forgotten.

I tell my kids, youโ€™re allowed to watch the TV all you wantโ€ฆ Just donโ€™t turn it on! This way they will begin to understand the futility of all things.

How does a penguin build a house? Igloos it together. Like all animals, it is an automaton, driven by blind genetic imperative, marching slowly to oblivion.

Why donโ€™t skeletons go trick or treating? They have no body to go with them! The skeletons are like us: alone, empty, dead already.

I donโ€™t really like playing soccer. I just do it for kicks! Like all of humanity, I pretend to enjoy things, and others pretend to care about my charade.

You hear about the moon restaurant? Good food, no atmosphere! If you eat there, you forfeit your life, which would make no difference to the universe as a whole.

Why did the blonde focus on an orange juice container? It said concentrate! She realized that societyโ€™s depictions of her were like the juice: formulaic, insipid, fake.

My wife told me to put the cat out. I didnโ€™t know it was on fire! By the time I could act, it was incinerated, a harbinger of the path we all must take.

How come the invisible man wasnโ€™t offered a job? They just couldnโ€™t see him doing it! This man stands for all of us: unseen, misunderstood, irrelevant.

Today I gave away my old batteriesโ€ฆ Free of charge! No one wanted them, so I became angry and threw them in the yard. The battery acid now leaks into the soil, killing a colony of ants. A sparrow eats their bodies and is poisoned. Somewhere in the Serengeti, a lion devours his rivalโ€™s cubs. Then the lion is shot by a poacher and sold to an unloved rich man whose father was an unloved rich man. In five billion years, the Sun will become a bloated giant, boiling the oceans and consuming our pointless cruelties with flames. I wake sweat-drenched and screaming, staring at the visage of a faceless god. โ€œWHAT HAVE I DONE?! HOW COULD I BRING A CHILD INTO THIS WORLD!?โ€ But this god, like all gods, is nothingโ€”just my sonโ€™s Wilson baseball mitt, sitting on my dresser, mocking me.

Will February March? No, but April May! Soon we become ash, and time forgets us.

Source: https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/nihilist-dad-jokes

๐Ÿ‘︎ 8
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/vorschlaghammer
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 03 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.