BAH fest presentation on the adaptive benefits of dad jokes
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πŸ‘€︎ u/digoryk
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2020
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Because I was late to a cannibalism fest

They gave me the cold shoulder.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GoliathTheTitan
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2019
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My friends and I had a six day pun-fest with nothing but hair jokes. imgur.com/a/DocF1
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2015
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Some friends invited me to Rooster Fest this weekend

We’re going to rock out with our cocks out

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fill-Chapo
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2019
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At A Culture Fest

We're a thoroughly American family with German/Danish roots. For fun we went to a Greek culture festival as a different kind of Friday night. As soon as we're through the gate, he turns to my youngest brother and mutters:

"Everything seems so...foreign."

He was so pleased with himself that he repeated it to each one of us separately.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/voodoo_stingray
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2016
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Co-worker sent e-mail w/ cute photo "Puppy therapy outside, part of wellness fest"

Office manager replied: Why are those puppies in therapy?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zijital
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2014
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Rob Zombie told my dad's favorite joke at Mayhem Fest last night...

A man goes to see his Doctor β€œDoc” he says, β€œI’ve got a problem, every minute of every day, I’ve got that song Delilah running through my head! I catch myself humming it, and sometimes singing it in public places. My wife even says I sing it in my sleep, and it’s driving her nuts. What is the matter with me?”

The Doctor replies β€œwell, it sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome to me”.

β€œIs it a rare disorder?”, the guy asks, to which the Doctor replies β€œWell, it’s not unusual…”

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2013
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What do you call a gay cookout?

An LGBBQ

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chrisvskris
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2021
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Found this on r/cursedcomments - the post (by u/Atom596 ) was removed for some reason so I couldn't crosspost but wanted to give the op credit
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RedLeader11037
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
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I asked my brother how his date went. He said he found out she was an anesthesiologist.

Talk about a snooze fest.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
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Trees celebrating this month as

Oak-tober fest

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OshriM
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
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What is the difference between a hippo and a zippo?

One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CUB4N
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2015
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Almost got fired for this one

I work at a pretty busy spot in New Orleans, the French quarter to be exact. People coming in and leaving an item they brought with them happens a lot after a few beers. This one guy leaves a chair and in half an hour he comes back for it.
Chair Guy "Excuse me sir, did I leave a chair here?"
Me "What do you think this is pal?? Some kind of CHAIR-ITY??"

If his eyes could roll anymore then they already were, they would have rolled out of his head.
Chair guy "get me your manager right now"
Me "Now that's not very CHAIR-ITABLE of you either"
Edit: Thank you for the gold kind stranger, you are very CHAIR-ITABLE, for popping my gold CHAIR-Y

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SendMeASmile
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2015
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I was going to make a joke about a large collection of wild pigs...

But that'd just be a huge boar-fest.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2020
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President Obama's 2016 Turkey-Pardon Dad Jokes: The Definitive List

[from NPR-- this sub doesn't allow link posts]

The annual turkey pardon is a silly tradition, and President Obama knows it. On Wednesday, before pardoning turkeys named Tater and Tot, Obama summed up his feelings about this particular duty.

"It is my great privilege β€” well, it's my privilege β€” actually, let's just say it's my job to grant them clemency this afternoon," Obama said.

Not in attendance for the president's final turkey pardoning ceremony were first daughters Sasha and Malia Obama, who gamely laughed alongside their father last year. So instead, the president's nephews Austin and Aaron Robinson stood by for what Obama called his "corny-copia of dad jokes about turkeys."

And thus began a pun-fest for the ages. Here's a list of President Obama's groaners from this year's pardoning ceremony:

"Actually [Sasha and Malia] just couldn't take my jokes anymore. They were fed up."

"What I haven't told them yet is we are going to do this every year from now on. No cameras, just us, every year. No way I'm cutting this habit cold turkey."

"Tater is here in a backup role just in case Tot can't fulfill his duties. So he's sort of like the vice turkey. We're working on getting him a pair of aviator glasses."

"I want to take a moment to recognize the brave turkeys who weren't so lucky. Who didn't get to ride the gravy train to freedom. Who met their fate with courage and sacrifice and proved that they weren't chicken."

[After touting positive economic indicators and the low uninsured rate] "That's worth gobbling about."

"We should also make sure everyone has something to eat on Thanksgiving. Of course, except the turkeys, because they're already stuffed."

"When somebody at your table tells you that you've been hogging all of the side dishes, you can't have any more, I hope that you respond with a creed that sums up the spirit of a hungry people: 'Yes, we cran.' "

"Look, I know there are some bad ones in here, but this is the last time I'm doing this, so we're not leaving any room for leftovers."

"And now from the Rose Garden, Tater and Tot will go to their new home at Virginia Tech, which is admittedly a bit hokey." (The Hokies are the Virginia Tech mascot.)

"And so let's get on with the pardoning. Because it's Wednesday afternoon and everyone knows that Thanksgiving traffic can put people in a foul mood."

[from NPR -- http://www.npr.org/2016/11/23/503178220/president-obamas-2016-turkey-pardon-dad-jokes-the-definitive-list?utm_source=facebook.com

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/see2keroppi
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2016
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Han Solo was a great Dad.

He's Ben through a lot.

http://m.imgur.com/gallery/aoSbU (Ep7 spoiler-related dadjoke fest)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/andrei178
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2016
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I went to Lollapalooza....

I went to Lollapalooza last year, and there was an incident. I got into a fight with two of the biggest bands at the fest, and they were really kicking my butt. Fortunately, a few Kurdish doctors intervened and saved my life.

I guess it's true what they say: Styx and The Stones may break my bones, but Kurds will never hurt me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Saith_Cassus
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2016
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Did you guys hear how boring the annual gathering of reddit mascots turned out?

It really turned into a huge Snoo's fest.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CaptainPatent
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2018
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A group of snails got into a really heated fight. They took their shells off and went at it.

It was a real slug fest.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/3Dbabble
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2018
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Hit me with your puns for a folk festival shirt!

My friend is designing a t-shirt for Folk Fest and needs a witty, all-ages-appropriate pun to go on it, but neither her, nor I or my fiancee can come up with one. The image on the front is of a beardy man playing the tuba, with a bird (Cardinal, I think?) coming out of it that's playing the drums. Out of the bass drum is crawling a cracked-out-looking dude wearing flannel, who's playing the guitar-looking instrument, with arms coming out of that playing the triangle. A great pun for the shirt with the word "Folk" in it would be much appreciated, and I know you guys are good at making puns, so fire away! Reddit, lend me your puns!

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2012
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Got my fiancee good today!

We were driving through town and the annual festival was going on.

Fiancee: Corn Fest is back to being down town? What happened to it being at the airport?

Me: Not that many people went when it was held at the airport. I guess you could say, it never really took off.

I got the biggest groan and eyeroll ever.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MurphyRobocop
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2014
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Embarrassed my wife out in public again.

So my wife and I went to Great Floors looking for tile and generally getting an idea of what we want to finish our basement bathroom and family room with.

The saleswoman points us to this vinyl plank stuff I've never seen before that you just lay down with no glue or anything that is somehow completely waterproof and lifetime guaranteed and all that jazz. She shows us how you need to use a plunger to pry them back up once they are all tight together.

Me. "Wow, I never would have thought this could work.... I'm floored."

In the ensuing groan fest the saleswoman claims to have never heard that one before, I jested that she sounded knowledgeable for someone who obviously hasn't been working in the business very long.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ToadShortage
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2016
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Don't dad joke a dad joker.

A few weeks ago my wife and I were at a festival called "The Banjo-b-que Fest". On Saturday afternoon we stopped at a convenience store and upon noticing my concert wristband the clerk gave me a smirk and asked "How's the festival, did you eat any good banjos while you were there?" I replied, " I tried one, a bit stringy for my tasty. " His smirk disappeared after that.

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2014
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Got dad joked by the wife

While driving by a sort of "dog fest" at a nearby park I told my wife how they had "Weiner Dog" races and made note that they didn't call them Dachshund Races.

She just said that she guessed that they would all be "Weiners" anyway.

I gleefully groaned.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/primeight
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2014
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President Obama's 2016 Turkey-Pardon Dad Jokes: The Definitive List

[from NPR-- this sub doesn't allow link posts]

The annual turkey pardon is a silly tradition, and President Obama knows it. On Wednesday, before pardoning turkeys named Tater and Tot, Obama summed up his feelings about this particular duty.

"It is my great privilege β€” well, it's my privilege β€” actually, let's just say it's my job to grant them clemency this afternoon," Obama said.

Not in attendance for the president's final turkey pardoning ceremony were first daughters Sasha and Malia Obama, who gamely laughed alongside their father last year. So instead, the president's nephews Austin and Aaron Robinson stood by for what Obama called his "corny-copia of dad jokes about turkeys."

And thus began a pun-fest for the ages. Here's a list of President Obama's groaners from this year's pardoning ceremony:

"Actually [Sasha and Malia] just couldn't take my jokes anymore. They were fed up."

"What I haven't told them yet is we are going to do this every year from now on. No cameras, just us, every year. No way I'm cutting this habit cold turkey."

"Tater is here in a backup role just in case Tot can't fulfill his duties. So he's sort of like the vice turkey. We're working on getting him a pair of aviator glasses."

"I want to take a moment to recognize the brave turkeys who weren't so lucky. Who didn't get to ride the gravy train to freedom. Who met their fate with courage and sacrifice and proved that they weren't chicken."

[After touting positive economic indicators and the low uninsured rate] "That's worth gobbling about."

"We should also make sure everyone has something to eat on Thanksgiving. Of course, except the turkeys, because they're already stuffed."

"When somebody at your table tells you that you've been hogging all of the side dishes, you can't have any more, I hope that you respond with a creed that sums up the spirit of a hungry people: 'Yes, we cran.' "

"Look, I know there are some bad ones in here, but this is the last time I'm doing this, so we're not leaving any room for leftovers."

"And now from the Rose Garden, Tater and Tot will go to their new home at Virginia Tech, which is admittedly a bit hokey." (The Hokies are the Virginia Tech mascot.)

"And so let's get on with the pardoning. Because it's Wednesday afternoon and everyone knows that Thanksgiving traffic can put people in a foul mood."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/see2keroppi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2017
🚨︎ report

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