I sometimes think about stuffing figs with Tic-tacs for dessert, but never actually tried it

It's just a fig mint of my imagination

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2020
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Figs
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πŸ‘€︎ u/birofunk
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2018
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I saw a beautiful drawing of a fig last week and I just realised why I haven't been able to stop thinking about it,

It was a fig meant for my imagination.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Arctikavanian
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2019
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Some context: so some guy thought that a close up picture of a fig was the inside of a vagina and then some dude told him that and this guy on Reddit made a nice little pun
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ilovemcyoutubers
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2019
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Fig Newtons are Smart Cookies
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SnappyDragon61151
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2019
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What’s the difference between a fig and a date?

I could get as many figs as I wanted in high school.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/finbar17
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2018
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Eve wore a fig leaf

If Eve wore a fig leaf in the Garden of Eden...what did Adam wear?? A hole in the fig leaf.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Garyfromtucson
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2019
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I met this beautiful girl last night and we used a fig roll to get to a restaurant...

We went on a date.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BeardFM
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2016
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Finally came up with a name for my sour, fig-flavored candy.

Fig Puckers

I earned an arm punch from my girlfriend with this one

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πŸ‘€︎ u/panthermilk
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2016
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Guy running freshman interests groups (FIGs) at my uni is obviously a dad
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πŸ‘€︎ u/catshit69
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2013
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My son just told me his first dad joke. He's 8, so go easy.

Son: what did the fig say to the table?

Me: I don't know, what did the fig say to the table?

Son, angry voice: Hey! I'm asking the questions here. You FIG-ure it out.

Edit: thanks for the silver, I'll tell the boy in the morning!

Edit 2: explained to my son about the up votes and awards. When he heard that someone spent real money to congratulate him for the joke, he said he bets it was his grandparents. He's excited y'all enjoyed it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RicoCat
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2020
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The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested.

I hear they're gonna give him a really tough sentence.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/_kefir
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2020
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What do calendars eat?

Dates

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JohnnyPiccone
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2019
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Dad passes daughter a fruit tray

dad: Pear with fig make a great pair *wink wink*

daughter: go figure

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TinkererJim
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2020
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A reverse gif.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheBowlerHatter
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2013
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They're not cookies... imgur.com/jFKhpuU
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Asmor
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2015
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What's worse than spreading lychees?

Telling a big fig!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mattrition
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2019
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My grandpa had a date...

My grandpa had a date with an old prune. He said it was really sweet.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/crs10
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2015
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Isaac Newton was a kewl guy, with his invention of gravity...

But his brother Fig was kinda fruity!

My 32-year-old son just came up with that joke! Proud moment happening right there!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2019
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Isaac Newton is sitting under a tree one day...

... when something falls out of the tree and hits him on the head.

He picks up the fallen object and examines it, then declares, β€œWhy, some invisible force must have pulled this apple to the ground!”

A passerby overhears the famed scientist, then mutters, β€œFucking idiot doesn’t know one fruit from another,” before shouting, β€œHey! That’s a fig, Newton!”

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2018
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I had a date tonight. It was pretty sweet. (x-post /r/jokes)

Next, I’m going to try a fig.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/I_love_seinfeld
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2018
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half-baked pastry puns

Coming up with pastry puns is easy as pie. Seriously, it's a cakewalk. Carrots and nuts can loaf around but figs are barred. I'm on a roll here, but I gotta stop, turnover a new leaf. One cannoli hope. Scone be pretty hard, dough.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SumGai984
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2015
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Why am I seeing fruit everywhere?

They must be a fig-ment of my imagination.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/woefulStargazer
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2016
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In the garden of Eden

Adam and Eve were spending time together, and it started to get hot and heavy. When Eve tells Adam to stop, he asked what's wrong? She sits up and pulls a fig from behind her back and says I don't wanna have sex on the first date

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πŸ‘€︎ u/King_Sized
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2017
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"Dad, how does a stud finder even work? Does it just beep at the wall or what?"

"Oh, Alcoholicia, I have a hell of a time with them - they just keep going off every time I pick one up." - Dad.

"Oh well maybe I shouldn't buy one if I can't fig... Wait. Oh my God, Dad, you're so embarrassing." - Me

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Alcoholicia
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2017
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I can't even watch football with him anymore.

Me "I can't stand Cam Newton."

Dad "What about his brother Fig?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SigilOfStark
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2014
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Caught my dad off-guard with this one.

My dad was watering a few young fig trees and wondered why some of them weren't growing as fast. I responded with, "I guess it's something you really should FIGure out." A chuckle was had by my dad, which is all that counted.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/INSANESCOTT
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2016
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