And my 10 year old son, completely deadpan, tells me
‘Dad, I knew that story wasn’t real because you don’t have any friends’
👻👻💀💀☠️☠️ It took me a solid 5 minutes to stop laughing.
I have achieved Dad level 10 at raising my kids
Me: Because then it would be ..... a chili dog.
Me: "That was fun. I used to be addicted to these things"
Wife: "Addicted?"
Me: "Until I tried the pumpkin patch"
Wife: *silent no-u-didnt stare
Mickey's Clubhouse is on. Mickey and friends walk up to Donald's door.
Mickey: "Hi Donald, Pluto told us to come over to your house!"
Me (Akroyd voice): "We're on a mission from Dog."
The groans echoed.
He replied, “That’s an Ox, fam”
I haven't seen him since 2005
....so they named me the year's worst employee at the toy factory.
All that time and nothing to chauffeur it...
Hey fam... My grandpa passed away yesterday and as I’ve been reflecting on old memories I vaguely remembered this old joke he used to tell me. I was hoping maybe someone in this community could help. I don’t remember much about it other than that it was about a suit that didn’t fit and the person in the joke had to keep getting it tailored. And maybe it was just the way my grandpa told the joke, but he’d always make this really theatrical voice and yell “hey! what did you do to my new suit?!” If anyone can help a grieving girl out that would be swell. :)
Cuz u ain't lit enough to be woke fam dabs
daughter cringes in the background
It's already lit, fam.
Welcome to the fam, Lee.
Some of the kids attending are:
Sally Buckteeth and her family of farmers,
Larry the Lefty and his fam of circus freaks,
And Johnny no-feet and his family of midgets.
They were all excited for their tour of the dairy farm, and the CEO himself stood up to speak: "OK, everyone, a few ground rules: due to the industrial nature of the farm, mandatory steel-toed boots and a minimum height requirement are in effect."
The assistant pipes up- "Sir, one of the kids can't attend the trip!"
CEO- "Oh no, which one?"
The assistant replied, " Little Johnny, the one that lacks toes and taller aunts."
Whole fam sitting at the table playing Pictureka having a blast. My mom gets a card where she needs to find a jungle animal and points out a rhino.
Me: Mom, rhinos don't live in the jungle, they live in plains.
Step-dad: Ben, they're too heavy to live in a plane.
My laughs ensued.
