So I’m at dinner with the fam, telling the joke about what the kid with no arms got for Christmas (we still don’t know because he hasn’t opened them yet)...I set it up...a friend of mine at work has a kid...no arms...and deliver the punchline...

And my 10 year old son, completely deadpan, tells me

β€˜Dad, I knew that story wasn’t real because you don’t have any friends’

πŸ‘»πŸ‘»πŸ’€πŸ’€β˜ οΈβ˜ οΈ It took me a solid 5 minutes to stop laughing.

I have achieved Dad level 10 at raising my kids

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/themeatspin
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
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*Sitting around the campfire with the fam, roasting hotdogs* You'd better eat that hotdog before it gets cold.

Me: Because then it would be ..... a chili dog.

πŸ‘︎ 58
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pmia241
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2019
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got wife driving home with fam from a fall festival

Me: "That was fun. I used to be addicted to these things"

Wife: "Addicted?"

Me: "Until I tried the pumpkin patch"

Wife: *silent no-u-didnt stare

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xstreamly
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2016
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Dadjoked the fam fairly well this morning...

Mickey's Clubhouse is on. Mickey and friends walk up to Donald's door.

Mickey: "Hi Donald, Pluto told us to come over to your house!"

Me (Akroyd voice): "We're on a mission from Dog."

The groans echoed.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KneeDeepThought
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2014
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New to reddit. How do I flip the orientation to where everything isn't upside down?
πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2019
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Walking through East London, I asked my friend: β€œWhy is there a bull in that charity shop?”

He replied, β€œThat’s an Ox, fam”

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/eormada
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2020
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My dad is a social distancing champ !

I haven't seen him since 2005

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2020
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Gotta sea this.
πŸ‘︎ 319
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πŸ‘€︎ u/alyfish126
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2019
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Not bragging but I made six figures last year...

....so they named me the year's worst employee at the toy factory.

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/UriahPeabody
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2017
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I've been a limo driver for 25 years and haven’t had a single customer.

All that time and nothing to chauffeur it...

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2017
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A joke about a suit that doesn’t fit?

Hey fam... My grandpa passed away yesterday and as I’ve been reflecting on old memories I vaguely remembered this old joke he used to tell me. I was hoping maybe someone in this community could help. I don’t remember much about it other than that it was about a suit that didn’t fit and the person in the joke had to keep getting it tailored. And maybe it was just the way my grandpa told the joke, but he’d always make this really theatrical voice and yell β€œhey! what did you do to my new suit?!” If anyone can help a grieving girl out that would be swell. :)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/missjayelle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2020
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Helping the economy one job at a time
πŸ‘︎ 527
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sescala
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2018
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Why are Dad jokes unfunny?

Cuz u ain't lit enough to be woke fam dabs

daughter cringes in the background

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2019
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How many millennials does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's already lit, fam.

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/C4NDL3J4CK666
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2018
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I have just one thing to say to my new Asian son-in-law.

Welcome to the fam, Lee.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HiddedNinja
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2018
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It's 'family field trip' day at a small Wisconsin school...

Some of the kids attending are:

Sally Buckteeth and her family of farmers,
Larry the Lefty and his fam of circus freaks,
And Johnny no-feet and his family of midgets.
They were all excited for their tour of the dairy farm, and the CEO himself stood up to speak: "OK, everyone, a few ground rules: due to the industrial nature of the farm, mandatory steel-toed boots and a minimum height requirement are in effect."
The assistant pipes up- "Sir, one of the kids can't attend the trip!"
CEO- "Oh no, which one?"

The assistant replied, " Little Johnny, the one that lacks toes and taller aunts."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/StretchSmiley
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2017
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Step-dad joked just now

Whole fam sitting at the table playing Pictureka having a blast. My mom gets a card where she needs to find a jungle animal and points out a rhino.

Me: Mom, rhinos don't live in the jungle, they live in plains.

Step-dad: Ben, they're too heavy to live in a plane.

My laughs ensued.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/benso411
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2014
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