Why wasn't the scuba diver invited to the company's executive beach party?

Because he was below C-level.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRockingDead
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2021
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Why wasn't RBG a business executive?

You have to be ruthless.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mikeme5
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
🚨︎ report
Sbarro pizza company charged with violating state COVID executive order

They are expected to make an appearance in Food Court next week.

Good evening. I'll see my self out...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ldeweyjr
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
🚨︎ report
If Pete Buttigieg wins the election, he'll be the first person to move from the judicial branch to the executive.

(Booty Judge)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/powermad47
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2020
🚨︎ report
My executive assistant has long hair.

I call him my mane man

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2019
🚨︎ report
I was in a meeting with five executives from Tencent.

It felt like I was speaking to 50 Cent.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kuroha_zone
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2019
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Dadjoked the executive board room today

Got quite a few groans I was pretty proud of today!

We were talking about hiring a new manager for a field team, and it turned out the guy we liked the most had several felony convictions for gun possession.

COO: I'm not sure we can take the risk, despite his valuable experience.
Me: Well guys, at least we know he'll stick to his guns.

I'll make a very good dad one day.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tombodadin
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2014
🚨︎ report
I got in trouble at work for damaging an executive's Microsoft tablet.

I defended myself saying "I've barely scratched the Surface"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RutabagaJoe
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a chemistry executive who loves coffee?

A chem ex

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dd0sed
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Our company VP just hit the executive suite with this one...

You know how you can tell the difference between an alligator and a crocodile? ...One will see you later, the other will see you in a while.

Me being the only other dad in the room silently chuckled while the other 3 non-dad executives let out an audible groan.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ih8YourCat
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when a group of business executives start a band?

Linked’in park

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotVeryPolitical
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2018
🚨︎ report
How did Microsoft executives advertise back then?

Via Billboard.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pun-isher42
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2019
🚨︎ report
The executive sat on his katana after his proposed new corporate structure was rejected

Apparently, the board didn't approve of the bottom-up harakiri

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πŸ‘€︎ u/boganic-alcoholic
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2018
🚨︎ report
What do Apple executives eat?

Macaroni.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Le_Groundhog
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2018
🚨︎ report
Hope I get that sweet executive job at Hanes...

I hear the benefits package includes sock-options...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cosmolegato
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2017
🚨︎ report
Met a guy who told us he was an executive coach.

"Oh, is that one of the ones with TV screens and a toilet?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SalamanderSylph
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2013
🚨︎ report
French revolution puns?

I only have one.

The Americans supported the cause of the French Revolution, but not the execution.

Puns off the names Robespierre, Saint Just, etc especially requested.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/iggypopstesticle
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2014
🚨︎ report
A man is being taken to the gallows for his execution. The executioner asked if he had any last requests, and he asked for a high five.

The executioner left him hanging.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/themeatspin
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2020
🚨︎ report
In Ancient Greece, people who had beliefs contrary to the worship of Poseidon were executed for Heresea
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
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Jokes about murders aren't funny

Unless they're properly executed, that it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Such-Fig-3879
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2021
🚨︎ report
The Harry Potter films were really good, but I think nearly headless Nick was poorly executed
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jasoneill23
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2020
🚨︎ report
It's just a pun, honest
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AspiBoi
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I was going to make a joke about capital punishment

But I wasn't sure how to execute it

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2021
🚨︎ report
Awful taste but great Exeggutor (Execution)
πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mikehosy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2019
🚨︎ report
My 3 year old's first joke

What's wobbly in the sky A jellycopter

Not the best execution, but I'm happy he's joining the tradition of bad jokes

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rushpig
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Nearly Headless Nick had such potential to be a great character

But he was so badly executed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PeevesPoltergist
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm sad I didn't get to see how my execution ended...

I was left hanging.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mitochondria420
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2019
🚨︎ report
My four year old: Daddy, what is Alexa scared of?

Me: She's just a robot, I don't think she ever feels fear.

My son: She's scared of getting Alexa-cuted.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TalornCeleron
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Wanna hear an ISIS joke?

It has poor execution .

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2021
🚨︎ report
I knew everyone on my cruise

guess it was a pretty good relation-ship

please don't execute me

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πŸ‘€︎ u/John_Deere_9400
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
DROP YOUR BEST PUNS FOR HISTORY DRINKING GAME

I'm creating a drinking game where every important event equals to drinking, but I am nowhere close to NAMING my drinking game. A friend of mine recommended this subreddit, saying that people drop some really punny puns here. Give your ideas for a title, I think up to 6 words would be okay.

Let's see what you can do!

What you need to know about the game:

  • You can create your timeline based on packages (ages, countries, continents, etc).
  • Every important event has a normal action and drinking action.
  • You never know in which year you are located but get an estimate year. You can either guess the year (or date) and get a free pass or you have to execute the action or drinking action. When you guess wrong, you'll have to double it.

That's basically it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tyounr
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Awful taste but great execution
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mooshi_
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2018
🚨︎ report
What’s the 9 letters of the pirate alphabet? (CORNY ALERT)

R, I, and the seven c’s

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ImStayingForNow
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2019
🚨︎ report
How are bottles executed?

Decapitation

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bomemeianrhapsody
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2018
🚨︎ report
I knew a guy who got executed via guillotine

He really lost his mind.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lunalaxthegod
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Special Report: Execution Botched Today Due to Hangman's Absence During Knot Tying Seminar in his Youth

Breaking Noose

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πŸ‘€︎ u/joeywithanr
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the Pope execute the fleas?

Because they were hair-ticks

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πŸ‘€︎ u/e_vaneck98
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2018
🚨︎ report
The guilloutine is apparently a relatively painless method of execution.

Heads will roll if word of this gets around.

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you hear the one about the secret agent that was captured behind enemy lines with a sheepdog as part of his disguise?

When he was put to death, his captors ground him up and baked him in the oven covered in gravy and mashed potatoes.

When questioned as to why such a cruel and unusual punishment was administered, they stated that this was the only way to correctly execute a shepherd spy.

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the guy who tried to fistbump a man who had been executed on the gallows

Yeah he just left him hanging

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/STRaYF3
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2017
🚨︎ report
Are you a CEO in Silicon Valley?

Yeah, I surf on executive boards.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheDudeWalterEgo
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a disease affecting crows?

CROW-VID-19

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anonymous8776
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a death sentence gone wrong?

Good concept, bad execution.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ElephantsAreHuge
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2020
🚨︎ report
A couple is divorcing in court, and they are fighting for custody of their only child:

The woman tries to pity the judge: -Judge, I carried this child 9 months in my belly, it is the flesh of my flesh and it comes directly to me! The judge is moved and says: -Right mam, but now, lets listen to your husband's arguments. The man prefers to use his pragmatic side, and says: -Judge, when I put my coin in the vending machine,Is the can mine or is it to the machine?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/elouan_lrch
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Girlfriend executes perfectly.

While I was reading Game of Thrones, I stopped and closed the book and said to my girlfriend "That's one way of punishing someone. Chain them up and tie you to a horse. Keep up and you're fine. Don't keep up and you're gonna hurt.

She replies (in her best southern draw)

"And they said there was no dragn in it"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/biblicalsin
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2014
🚨︎ report
My dad was flawless with the execution of this zinger...

Me on the phone with my dad - "I got a cat!"

Dad - "What's it's name?"

Me - "Susan."

Dad - "So it's a girl?"

Me - "Of course...her name's Susan. Do you think I'd name a boy cat Susan?"

Dad - "No...I suppose that if it was a boy, it would B. Anthony."

Good one, Dad...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Diiiiirty
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2014
🚨︎ report

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