My wife said she's gonna leave me if I don't change and stop reading erotic novels

I decided to turn over a new leaf

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πŸ‘€︎ u/19BlackHeart99
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
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A man buys a lie detector robot

That slaps people who lie, and be decides to try it out on his son during dinner.

β€œWhere were you during school hours?” He asks.

β€œAt school!” His son replies.

The robot slaps the boy.

β€œOk I was at my friends house....” His son says.

β€œWhat were you doing there?

β€œReading comics!”

The robot slaps the son again.

β€œOk ok!! We were watching an erotic movie...”

β€œWhat?? I didn’t even know erotic movies existed when I was your age!” The dad exclaims.

The robot quickly slaps him.

His wife laughs and says, β€œWow, he really IS your son-β€œ

The robot slaps the wife.

πŸ‘︎ 364
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bot_10
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2019
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The Oscar Meier Weiner mobile was pulled over by the police.

charge: driving erotically

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pumpdawg88
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2019
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Lotions.

My girlfriend was trying some lotion out and apparently it's all nice and smooth and organic and erotic.

"Honey, it's like it's not even lotion!"

"Wow, you're right. It must be odd lotion."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/toke81
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2014
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Circus act

This guy I work with has been talking to this girl who does this erotic acrobatics stuff, and he was describing her routine to us. Another co-worker goes "That sounds like Cirque-de-Soleil." I immediately followed with, "Yeah, and Greg is going to get Cirque-de-SO-LAID!" My inner dad urges outweighed my self-control.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2015
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