It said bear left, so we went home.
It’s a Minnie marathon.
Murder in the first deergree
... and stumbled across a naked woman. She started flirting with me, so I asked her if she was game.
She replied yes, so I shot her.
It’s for legal porpoises
"Doe!"
2 guys went duck hunting. They were out there all day and didn't get a single duck. One turns to the other and says I don't understand why we haven't gotten anything yet. The other guy says I don't know, maybe we're not throwing the dog high enough.
I recommend a pair a normal jeans.
He answered, well i went to the camo store and this was the only thing that stood out.
Therapist: I’m glad that you are finally battling your Damons.
I didn't bother because i thought the steaks were too high
By shooting stars
shoulder this bird, hun.
Cheese and quackers
So I went home.
"That was fowl," I told my son.
Tractor
They’re very well orca-strated
I'm aiming for where to start. All of my resources are shot. I'm gunning to go soon. Please be a deer and let me know.
I've herd the animals go out with a bang.
He wanted to get the biggest bang for his buck.
Because if you encounter a deer who has a shotgun, it's best to just leave them alone.
It was Whiskey business
It was cutting edge technology
Son: Wow that stream is really rush'en.
Me: oh good that is so much better than German.
I just had to pick a country real quick not trying to make any statement....
The airline only permitted one piece of carrion.
Their method for hunting polar bears was the most interesting. They would start a fire out on a deep snow bank, and essentially melt a hole in the snow. Once the hole was big enough they would stop feeding it firewood and let it burnout on its own. Once the fire had gone down and was nothing more than smoldering ashes with a little bit of smoke, they would line the edge of the fire pit with snow peas.
All they had to do from there is hide and wait. Once a bear caught scent of the smoke and starts to investigate, the bear would eventually start eating some of the peas. Then they sneak up behind it and kick it in the ash-hole.
Lawyer, chemist and a statistician are out in a forest hunting for deer. After one hour of patiently waiting lawyer finally spots one. The lawyer shoots at a deer and misses half a meter to the left. The chemist takes a shot and misses half a meter to the right. Both are furious and dissapointed as they see the deer escape.
Chemist asks statistician - "why you didn't shoot ?"
Statistician replyes - "I didn't need to, we already shot him !".
Suddenly one of them spots tracks.
"Deer tracks" says the first hunter.
"Moose tracks, I know moose tracks when I see them" says the other hunter.
They keep arguing over the type of tracks they're looking at, until they get run over by a train.
A stock broker
The only thing I managed to shoot was a feral cat. Great shot though, tore the thing in half and the front half was nowhere to be seen. Filled with pride, I picked up the feline's hind quarters and thought I'd have a go at taxidermy to make a plaque for above the mantle. What a catastrophe.
That's when my little sister screamed to me, "Don't eat it, it's an asshole."
This is my dad's favorite dad joke.
A teenage T-Rex named Maynard and his father were out looking for dinner.
"Oh hey, dad! Look! A stegosaurus! That'd be good!"
"My Maynard son, no. That would be so hard to chew. There's so much armor there."
A little while later:
"Dad, check it. A big old nest of Pteranadons! Chicken tonight!"
"No, my Maynard son. They would fly too fast, and we cannot reach up there with our arms."
Finally, "Dad! Dad! Check it out! A herd of brontosaurus! It'd be so easy!"
"No, my Maynard son. Brontosaurus ribs take a long time to properly age before they're good eating. Everyone knows this."
The teenage T-Rex stomped and roared, "Daaad, what are we doing? There's stuff right here to eat! What the hell are you looking for, anyway?"
The elder T-Rex shook his head and said, "Carrion, my Maynard son."
[removed]
It was quite pheasant
But I didn't Habanero.
“More bang for your buck.”
So we went home.
Good camouflage is hard to find.
I finally battled my Damons.
She said, “Finally! You are battling your Damons.”
Good camouflage is hard to find.
