What does Henry the Eighth and Kermit the Frog have in common?

The same middle name.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sventhedropbear
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2019
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Proof that priests break the eighth commandment all the time imgur.com/I2ny6zu
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JewInator
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2017
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Studies show that 55% of North American adults will fail eighth grade math.

For the remaining 55% of us, it is a piece of cake.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2018
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Between the First Amendment's freedom of assembly and the Eighth Amendment's no cruel and unusual punishment, the US Constitution is basically saying "some assembly required, battery not included."
πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sylvanussr
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2017
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I only believe in 12.5% of the Bible.

I guess that makes me an eighth-theist.

πŸ‘︎ 798
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kikasphalt
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2020
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Believing only 12.5% of the Bible

Makes you an eighth theist.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/avigyan_33
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2019
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β€œPoor old fool.” thought the well-dressed gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. So he invited the old man inside for a drink. As they sipped their whiskeys, the gentleman thought he’d humor the old man and asked, β€œSo how many have you caught today?”

The old man replied, β€œYou’re the eighth.”

πŸ‘︎ 135
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2020
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When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it...

The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave.

Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.

When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment and said, "Ah, yes, that's Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards."

He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling."

So the magistrate kept listening, "There's the Seventh... the Sixth... the Fifth..."

Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate.

He stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Beethoven decomposing."

πŸ‘︎ 365
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2019
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The Lord told John to come forth and he will receive eternal life

He came fifth and got a toaster

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sarinreach-L
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2019
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A mathematician goes into a bar.

He orders a pint. Then half a pint. The a quarter pint. Then an eighth, and so on. Eventually the barman hands him 2 pints and says ,”You mathematicians. You just don’t know your limits.”

πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_normski
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2019
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Research shows that six out of seven dwarfs aren't Happy
πŸ‘︎ 205
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πŸ‘€︎ u/youworryaboutyou
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2018
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Batman

On our eighth date together myself and my wife went to see the new batman film. Previously all our other dates were meals out. So it went Dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner Batman!

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/matc7884
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2019
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A guest at the restaurant I work at told me the daddest joke I've ever heard

I was walking by with a jar of olives when he told me: "You know that was Santa's eighth reindeer, right?" Me:"Umm, Olive?" Him:"Yeah, you know the song! ..and olive the other reindeer laughed and called Rudolph names!"

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πŸ“…︎ May 30 2017
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The Greatest Infidelity Joke My Grandfather Ever Told Me.

Recently, Joe has been under the slight suspicion that his wife is cheating on him. So, one day he comes home early from work, to his crap-shoot apartment on the eighth floor, and hears her scurrying around when he enters. Almost as if there's another person in the house. When he calls out her name she hollers back that she just ran into the shower. So he investigates the bedroom and encounters a shocking surprise... a pair of hands dangling from the other side of the window sill! Those of a grown man, hanging on for dear life. Infuriated at the sight of the man who's sleeping with his wife, Joe takes the bedside lamp and starts bashing the guy's fingers until he falls eight stories onto the sidewalk. Only he's still alive, writhing and broken. So Joe hauls the refrigerator from the kitchen out the window, sending it down onto the poor sucker, killing him instantly. Now the hysteria of the moment induces a fatal heart attack and Joe himself, dies. So now, as he's up at the pearly gates, St. Peter is telling all the incoming souls that in order to gain access into heaven, they need to provide a solid account of how they died. After hearing Joe's story, St. Peter allows him in. The next man in line says that he was tanning in the sun, drunk, on the roof of his apartment building when he fell off, only to catch hold of a window sill that could have saved his life, until a crazed bastard beat his fingers and threw a refrigerator onto him. St. peter tells him that he's a shoe-in. And when he asks the next guy in line how he ended up deceased, the guy replies, "...So I'm naked in a refrigerator, right?"

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jazzinassazzin
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2015
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I only believe in 12.5% of the bible

I'm an eighth theist

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/touchmybackwalls
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2018
🚨︎ report
When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it...

The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave.

Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.

When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards."

He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony, and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling."

So the magistrate kept listening, "There's the Seventh... the Sixth... the Fifth..."

Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate.

He stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Beethoven decomposing."

πŸ‘︎ 252
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2019
🚨︎ report
I only believe in 12.5% of the Bible...

That makes me an eighth theist.

πŸ‘︎ 73
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πŸ‘€︎ u/t3chnophile
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2019
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I only believe in 12.5% of the bible..

Guess that makes me an eighth theist.

πŸ‘︎ 570
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ACKenway
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2016
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