Ever heard the joke of the egg that rolled down the cliff?

The ending just cracks me up!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rpdaca
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2020
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How do you make an egg roll?

You push it down hill!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hossamus
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2020
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An unsatisfied chicken lays in bed smoking a cigarette next to an egg that rolls to its side embarrassed

Chicken: Well I guess we solved that riddle

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RKO-Cutter
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2019
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What do you call 1000kg of egg rolls?

Won Ton

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πŸ‘€︎ u/plumpyboii
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2019
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My wife was telling someone where the egg roll wraps were at the grocery store...

She said,"You'll also find wonton wraps there," and I said,"Those things are soo heavy!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrmeanmustid
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2017
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What happens when chickens lay eggs at the top of a hill?

Egg rolls

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πŸ‘€︎ u/flippantteacup
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
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True story: eggcellent yokes

My son and I love good egg pun Dad jokes. We got it going the other day and my wife rolled her eyes. He asked her, "which joke didn't you like?"

She replied "all ovum"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/erleichda70-
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2020
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How many egg puns can I fit into a few sentences?

Well, I can roll out dozens of eggscruitating egg puns in just the first sentence alone. But the second one is where I start to crack you up from the amount of egg puns that were in the first sentence. By the third sentence your brain will be scrambled from the amount of egg puns that I cracked while just simply talking.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dream0nforever
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2020
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Fast food.

What do you get when a chicken lays it's eggs on the top of a hill?

Egg rolls.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/capngloval
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2019
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Dad teaching me culinary skills.

"Let me show you how to make an egg roll, son."

Picks an egg

"Take an egg, put it on the table, and just push it!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/steelpan
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2016
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Got my wife while buying groceries in Maui...

I have been holding onto this one for quite some time and got to use it today, while on vacation. When selecting eggs, which were about $9.80, I said "Wow, would you say these are...EGGspensive?"

She responded with a big eye roll. I was super happy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fernaceman
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2016
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Still in the shadow of the master dad.

My parents are in town for a visit. Keep in mind that I have a 3 year old, so the dad jokes have doubled around here lately.

We go eat and I'm sharing a big burger with my wife. It has a fried egg on it, which I don't like, so I gave her the half with the yolk in it. She bit into it and the yolk broke and dribbled all over her hand. Before I could say anything, my dad mumbles, "Looks like the yolk's on you".

I said, " NOOOOOOOOO you beat me to it!" as my wife and my mom rolled their eyes and groaned. I'm pretty good at the dad jokes, but my dad has the grandfather buff or something.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ArtaxNOOOOOO
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2016
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The Book

My Dad was the worst. And by that, I mean the best. He had a Dad Joke for everything.

I accidently left my wallet in my pants and they went through the wash?

"Don't you know it's illegal to launder money?" He would crack.

We would drive by the cemetery and he would always remark.

"That place is so popular, people are dying to get in"

Many groans were had.

I would ask him, "Dad, where do you get all these awful jokes?" and he looked square in the eye and said.

"Son, on the day you were born - your Grandfather - my father gave me a book. '1001 Dad Jokes' and that where I get them from"

And life continued. Any opportunity to crack wise he would take it. Even when I moved out and got my own place it didn't stop. I had my Dad over to help me repaint the walls from cream to white.

"Boy" He whistled. "This wall sure pales in comparison to that one"

My eyes rolled and he just shrugged. "It's the book!"

He couldn't even help himself at my wedding and broke out a Dad Joke during the toast.

"If this is the toast, where are the eggs?"

"Sorry son, it's the book!" He said with a devilish grin.

So months pass and my wife is in labor at the hospital with our first child. I'm sitting in the waiting room with my dad for support. Suddenly, a nurse comes out beaming with glee.

"Congratulations, sir! It's a girl!"

Me and my dad jump up and whoop for joy, hugging. I can't wait to go in and see my wife and child.

"Wait son" My dad says and pulls a little book out of his jacket pocket. "This is for you"

I look at the little book and sure enough, it's "1001 Dad Jokes"

I tear up instantly.

"I...I.." I stammer.."I'm touched.."

My dad gets the world's biggest shit-eating grin on his face.

"Hi touched...." He pauses for effect.

"I'm Dad"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/extraflux
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2015
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Puns for Kids

The funniest and shortest puns for kids, you always remember while teaching children puns, try to choose the short ones because they are easy for them to remember and register.

Puns for Kids

Why are teddy bears never hungry? They are always stuffed!


What do you get when you cross a snake and a pie? A pie-thon!


Where do polar bears vote? The North Poll.


What did the judge say when the skunk walked into the court room? Odor in the court!


Two silkworms had a race. They ended up in a tie.


Why are fish so smart? Because they live in schools.


The streets in the capital of Afghanistan are paved with Kabulstones.


How does a lion greet the other animals in the field? Pleased to eat you.


What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn? An egg roll!


No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationery.


Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove he wasn’t chicken!


What musical is about a train conductor? β€œMy Fare, Lady”.


A man drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.


What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.


What animals are on legal documents? Seals!


Why did the lion spit out the clown? Because he tasted funny!


Why did the bumble bee leave the house? It heard the school was having a spelling bee.


Being struck by lightning is really a shocking experience!


How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans!


Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!


Dockyard: A physician’s garden.


What did the angry mother say to the boiling pot of spaghetti? Simmer down!


The lights were too bright at the Chinese restaurant so the manager decided to dim sum.


β€œWhat’s purple and 5000 miles long?” β€œOoh! I know! The Grape Wall of China!”


Every calendar’s days are numbered.


This duck walks into a bar and orders a beer. β€œFour bucks,” says the bartender. β€œPut it on my bill.”


I used to be twins. My mother has a picture of me when I was two.


What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? Ouch!


When does a well-dressed lion look like a weed? When he’s a dandelion (dandy lion).


Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a-salted.


A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2017
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Making omelettes with a friend...

Friend: Why don't the eggs roll on to the floor even though they're round? They stop after like two rolls.

Me: it's cause they're counter-balanced.

counter-balanced

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πŸ‘€︎ u/YellowishWhite
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2015
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Went shopping with my mom yesterday...

...and they had a sale on eggs. So naturally I go:

 Look, shouldn't we buy some? they're selling them egg-stra cheap!

She just rolled her eyes and had the "where did I go wrong with him" look on her face.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PropellerKid
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2014
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I told my brother my egg hatched into a Bellsprout in Pokemon Go

"Sounds like you had a seed, not an egg."

It took me a few seconds to understand the joke, then I respectfully rolled my eyes

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DwelveDeeper
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2016
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Some nice dad jokes at Benihana last night

I was looking forward to all the dad jokes at Benihana last night, and I was not disappointed! (Also, epic onion volcano!)

  • Our chef says "Who wants egg roll?" and then rolls an egg across the cooking surface.

  • When the chef added butter to the cooking vegetables, he threw his bowl of butter into the air a couple times and said "Look! Butterfly!"

  • While prepping the shrimp, he put all the tails on his spatula and asked the 6-year-old at the table "You ordered just tail, right?"

  • He put one sesame seed on his spatula, showed it to the 6-year-old and said "Japanese diet!"

  • Our chef checks with everyone who ordered steak to see how they want it cooked, then says to the people who ordered chicken "For chicken, everyone want rare?" and then he laughed when one of the girls at the table got really confused.

I'm sure there were more that I can't remember once the sake kicked in.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/msim
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2015
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Just had these gems dropped on me by my father and brother in law

Dad - what kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Me - idk dad Dad - SNEAKers

Brother in law - how do you make and egg roll Me - how? Brother in law - you push it.

They high five and laugh for about five minutes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ahhvinnie
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2013
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Breakfast at work

So I brought in kolaches to the office this morning for breakfast. For those that don't know, they're basically bread rolls filled with egg, cheese and whatever else you want. One of my coworkers started talking about how they reminded him of some kind of cake "with M&Ms in it."

Except English isn't his first language, so he was saying it a little weird.

Him: "You can't bake a cake with M&M in it."

Me: "'Cause you'd kill him."

There was absolutely no reaction whatsoever, so I can't tell if people were just ignoring my awful joke or if just nobody heard me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pickelsurprise
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2015
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Dad joked at the theater [GotG after credits spoilers]

After the credits rolled in typical Marvel fashion, we had an easter egg, of Howard the Duck.

"Looks like the easter egg hatched, otherwise we wouldn't have seen Howard"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/aybaran
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2014
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How do you make an egg roll?

You push it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chicken-of-Wisdom
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2019
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How do you make an egg roll?

You push it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RaveConnoisseur
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2018
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How do you make an egg roll?

You push it!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KrazyCameron
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2019
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How do you make an egg roll without frying it?

Roll it down a hill.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Eskelsar
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2014
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The ultimate Dad recipe

Do you know how to make Chicken Egg Roll?

Put it on an inclined plane.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rickthecabbie
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2016
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