Do you know why Ed doesn’t have a girlfriend?

Sheeran away

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πŸ‘€︎ u/legend_of_petey
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
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Patel was teaching a boy named Ed basic geometry, which he was failing to grasp even on the most basic levels. He mistook squares for triangles, circles for hexagons and so on...

So Patel tried to go to the lowest level and put a dot on the paper.

"What this, Ed?"

"A line?" the boy replied.

"I... I expected more from you. I'm... This a point, Ed."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/alkaath
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
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Respect is urn-ed.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OverSpeedClutch
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2020
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Why did the boy fail his license test even though he took driver's ed?

It was a crash course.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vitaefinem
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2020
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Dealing with ED

Isn't that hard

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hotsprings1234
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2020
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Why did Mr Ed’s girlfriend only come out at dark?

She was a night mare 🐴

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2020
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Mr Ed just moved next door to me a few days ago.

We’re neighbors now.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KoolaidPower
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2019
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Sometimes we take game spin-offs for grant-ed
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thisismyfirstday
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2019
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How do you teach sex-ed to a terrorist?

You use a blow-up doll

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πŸ‘€︎ u/-CrestiaBell
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2020
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I didn't think my friend's MacGyver-ed flashlight contraption would work until he provided a detailed description.

It was very illuminating.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2020
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Someone got the coal-ed shoulder.
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2019
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My friend Ed had a brain transplant.

Now he’s brained Ed

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πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2020
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I teach elementary special Ed, and my co-teacher and I joke back and forth all day. This is our most recent best.

Co-teacher: "Students name" came in and said he lost his throat.

Me: Oh no! Did he check where he last remembered having it?

Co-teacher: He couldn't say.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/penigmatic
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2019
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Ed Gein has been a huge inspiration for killers in movies. I don't get it.

He was honestly just Ed G.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Butterbrodui
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2020
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ED...What is it short for?

It's not a question, that's just the process.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Went to an Ed Sheeran concert at Arrowhead in KC. We parked in the red parking lot.
πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sheik718
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2018
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My girl left me because she found out I was the lunatic brother of Ed

Sheeran away

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2019
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My girlfriend told me that she was tired of ED ruining our sex life.

I finally put a lock on the door to keep him from barging in.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JackFunk
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2019
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What does ED stand for?

Nothing, it stands for nothing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2019
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A police officer was chasing a murderer named Ed

Ed had been running for a while and wouldn't have the endrurance to run for much longer. The officer realised this and yelled: Stop! You have to get arrested!"

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jannehirsimaki
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Tend[pun]ed
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sum_buddy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2017
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Ed has no girlfriend.... *this is a crosspost
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gulledge_candi
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2019
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A man and his wife are walking down the street when they see Police Officer Ed up the street.

It's a small town so they know Police Officer Ed well enough to know that he can be pretty curt and rude. As they pass him, they exchange pleasantries. The husband tips his hat and Officer Ed does the same. The wife says, "Hello Officer Ed, it's a beautiful day isn't it?" Officer Ed looks at the sky, grunts, and says, "It looks like rain." The wife looks at the sky and says, "But there isn't a cloud in the sky." Officer Ed doubles down, "It's definitely going to rain."

The husband doesn't want to start any problems so he bids the officer good day, takes his wife's arm and leads her along. Once they were out of earshot, the husband said to his wife, "Listen, Rude Officer Ed knows rain, dear."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/salawm
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2018
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Sex ed?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dz959
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2019
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6 years ago today on my birthday. The Baltimore Ravens have won two Super Bowls, both on February 3rd. All a Baltimore boy would like for his cake day is some purple fever! I believe #20 intercepted Colin's ball hence "Ed Reads". I crack myself up.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/717to321
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2019
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The perfect name for cheesy pasta endorsed by Ed Gein?

Macaroni and Cheeks.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SnapshotHeadache
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2019
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Hopefully I'm not Fin'ed for this (from r/hockey)
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πŸ‘€︎ u/akup11
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2018
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Someone p'ed on my box.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/alyssarenee213
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2018
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Cross(ed) post(s)
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wrinkleNtime
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2018
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I dadjoked my niece today. She was wondering why they don't have dances in co-ed prisons.

I promptly burst out singing: "Cause guilty feet have got no rhythm!"

I got a full-on facepalm out of her. It was excellent.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/grimfel
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2018
🚨︎ report
Why did the Nazi fail his driver’s ed test?

He made two successful left turns but missed the third Reich

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RoyTheShip
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2018
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What do Mr Ed the talking horse and President Donald Trump have in common?

Both claim to be Stable Geniuses

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GEEZusChristman
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you say when Ed Sheeran tends to you?

'Sheeran' is Caring

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ritwiky_dicky
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2019
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Found this in my local paper about Ed Sheeran playing in New Zealand.
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2018
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I just listened to one of Ed sheeran's songs.

It was perfect.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BrokenKingDav10
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2019
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Do you know if Ed Gein ever designed a coat of arms?
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2019
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Man 1: "Is your name Grant?" Man 2: "No, Im Ed."

Man 1: "I'm sorry I took you for Grant, Ed."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vaxis2113
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2018
🚨︎ report
Right before his concert, Ed noticed that a crazy fangirl took off with his favorite hat.

He asked the security guy, "Did you see a girl walk out with my favorite hat?" He responded, "No Ed, shee-ran."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheLastJoe
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2018
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You in lambed-ed in the baaad end of town
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2018
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Why does Ed Sheeran have so many love songs

Because every time he asked a girl out she ran.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tintinthefirst
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2018
🚨︎ report
Why doesn’t Ed have a girlfriend

Because Sheeran away

πŸ‘︎ 79
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πŸ‘€︎ u/drip_lit
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the ex of Ed Sheeran do?

Sheeran away.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lenamymy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Why Doesn’t Ed Have A Girlfriend?

Because Sheeran.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hana-Chi
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Why doesn’t Ed have a girlfriend anymore?

Cause Sheeran away.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cthejewel
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2019
🚨︎ report

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