Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
After being holed up in the house due to Covid, my wife has started having this weird nightmare that our house is made of celery.
Doctors are calling it stalk home syndrome.
Edit: You folks are way too generous. Thanks a lot.
I just got glasses due to myopia and now everything looks clear and 4K.
Guess that's my New Year's Resolution
All the hair dressers all closed due to covid, so I start looking to the black market for a haircut
But I heard they were under cutting everyone
I really hope Santa can figure out how to make all his deliveries this year due to Covid-19......
I hear he just ran out of santa-tizer
Due to my flatulent habits my daughters have started calling me "Farther"
They didn't like it when I retaliated with...
"Daughturds"
Due to all the COVID restrictions this year, a maximum of only 6 of the 7 dwarves could meet up
None of them were Happy :-(
CDC just announced that due to COVID people over 5’5 shouldn’t be getting together for the holidays.
I guess only small gatherings are allowed.
What do you call a young adult who can’t leave her house due to a pandemic?
Due to COVID-19, the German government is advising that people stock up on sausages and cheese.
They are preparing for a wurst käse scenario.
My dad was demoted to part time as orchestra conductor due to budget cuts
Now he's a semiconductor.
Wife is pregnant, due any day.
Suddenly the contractions Start.
"Can't, won't, I'm, haven't, don't, isn't" she said.
Sometimes the contractions gets so strong, she shouts "y'all'd've"
Due to the pandemic, we should all avoid buying butter.
Together we can stop the spread.
Due to covid most exotic dancers have been furloughed.
Basically, they’ve been stripped of their source of income.
Due to the Covid crisis, the Indian bakery in my neighborhood is going through some tough times.
They fired all Naan essential staff.
Due to the quarantine
I’ll only be telling inside jokes
This is the first year I'm not taking a vacation to Hawaii due to Covid.
Normally I don't go because I can't afford it.
A Chinese kid was born before the due date
Parents named him “Sudden Lee”
Sadly due to a neurological condition, I have a permanent hand tremor..
Good side is that when I do a handshake, I do it literally.
(Condition is inoperable brain tumour)
Well we can't use tables due to lockdown.
My uncle died due to drinking furniture polish...
...it was a slow death, but a beautiful finish
Pumpernickel never gets its due.
It’s my birthday today and no party is planned due to pandemic. And my daughter said this to cheer me up.
“You will have your cake and eat it too.”
PS: this is the best gift I can get today.
Dad told me to wear my pants very high due to the pandemic
He said the best way to not get infected is to practice proper high-jeans
Due to the Coronavirus, there is a huge shortage of maternity ward staff.
I have a friend who owns a yachting business, but had to work from home due to the pandemic...
Now his sails are through the roof.
Our birth coach just cancelled, my wife is due any day now, and we're freaking out!
We're having a midwife crisis.
Hey everyone, thanks for keeping this community awesome, but due to several reasons, I've decided to stop making dad jokes, here's why
Due to social distancing, everyone is asking Kim Jung Un how far six feet is Exactly!
Because he is the supreme ruler.
Iron man yielded infinity stones and after the snap, due to stones’ immense power, he died!
Apparently, it turned out to not be his strong suit!
After getting a lot of negative reviews due to their rather poor string section, the LAPD Police Band decided to lose all the strings from their performances.
It was finally the long-awaited end of police violins.
My wife and I are currently due our third, and I don't remember the other pregnancies being this long.
This one seems to be lasting a maternity.
This year due to COVID19, we could not go on a vacation....
Usually its due to lack of money.
Due to the state of the pandemic I decided to move to my house boat for a while
News broke today that due to salmonella concerns, there is a national recall on just about every type of onion in the united states...
To be honest, I'm not shedding any tears over it.
I have had a decorator in this week. Turns out he is normally a Pilot for BA, but has been furloughed due to Corona.
He did a lovely job of the landing.
Due to the current economic climate, our Diner menu for Profiteroles was renamed to..
I heard all the hair stylists are suffering from depression due to unemployment.
They just want to like, dye.
(OC)
Sign outside strip club shuttered due to COVID-19:
Due to covid-19, finland closed its borders to international marathon runners.
The racers ran anyways but unfortunately no one crossed the finnish line
Due to COVID, the King of Spain is in quarantine primarily aboard his private jet.
The reign in Spain stays mainly in the plane!
Due to the state of quarantine i wont be posting regular jokes
Itll be only inside jokes from now
People in Germany were hoarding sausage and cheese due to the pandemic,
It was the wurst käse scenario.
I used to work in a restaurant abnd my specialty was to make the icecreams and cakes, due to my busy schedule I had to quit...
Nonetheless they all call me a deserter
Due to covid my chiropractor sent most of his staff home.
His office is run by a skeleton crew.
“Due to the rising number of dolphin attacks, we’ve had to outlaw any overnight camping on the beach.”
“We hope the new rule will help, for all in tents and porpoises.”
If the seas are rising so much due to climate change
We should start calling them B-‘s
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