A list of puns related to "Don't Ask Me"
That's where I draw the line.
I mean well.
I have been milking that excuse for weeks now.
Acacia haven’t noticed I’m all out.
I don't have 20/20 vision
PS: Expect a lot of these sort of jokes today.
It's a tinder subject
Had potential to misfire but worked perfectly.
Also, the other day my wife left a Monster energy drink under her bed, and we waited for her to come and ask "ok who put this monster under my bed?"
Wife says “Because I don’t like calling you when you’re at work”
It runs in my genes.
I don’t have 2020 vision.
I don't roll that way.
[removed]
Either daughter: Dad, make me a sandwich.
Me: Poof! You're a sandwich!
I’m not a fan.
So I took her to dinner and a movie then dropped her off at her parents’ house...
...talking to the wine."
I must have left my phone in Airplane mode.
He laughed and shouted, "Pilgrims!"
I only tell edgy jokes.
He replied: "No fatty. Just don't eat anything."
I told him, “Turn right at the next corner.”
I don't have 20/20 vision.
I said: Why knot
And I told them it's because I just wanna relish it.
It's genetic. I come from many generations of dads.
I answered: "What's the point, you always come back."
It’s pretty hard to write on sand...
I couldn't if I tried
... I said: “No, it’s a math problem.”
He said “I think they can. You just need to be watered properly.”
And I said "No dad, why?" And then he said "Because they are stoned all the time"
I told him: "If i'm already playing WoW i'd be more inclined to continue WoW, but if i'm not, i'm not inclined to start - it's the law of conservation of MMOentum"
apparently "An allowance?" wasn't the answer she wanted.
'Yeah, they're a bit forced.'
Sew what?
A horse's ass.
Whilst I was making crumpets it told me to wake up, asked why I don't put on a little makeup, why did I leave the keys upon the table..
Me: the reason why I'm asking is that you are a member of the Police
Officer: please, Don't stand so close to me
Johnny and susie are working in a factory, and Susie says “this is a nice day I don’t wanna work anymore” and little Johnny says “well maybe see if he will give you the rest of the day off” and then the boss comes in and Susie is hanging upside down on the chandelier saying “I’m a light bulb” and the boss says “maybe you should talk the rest of the day off. So Susie goes out the door and Johnny follows her and the boss asks “where do you think you’re going?” And Johnny replies “you expect me to work in the fucking dark?”
A giant list of puns
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.
Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.
Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!
I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.
What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.
How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.
I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.
Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.
I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.
My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.
Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.
How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.
What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.
Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.
What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.
What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.
Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.
Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.
How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.
The shovel was a ground breaking invention.
A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."
A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."
Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.
What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.
I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.
What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.
I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.
Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.
Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"
Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.
What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.
Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.
A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.
After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.
I used to be afraid of hu
... keep reading on reddit ➡The tigers were having a great time, roaring, baring teeth and in general having a great time. The cats were sitting quietly off to the side. The tigers asked the cats, “Why so quiet ? Don’t you like to have some boisterous fun ?” The cats replied, “Oh yes, we used to be tigers too. Until we got married.”
PS. (This sounded way better when my friend told me in the original Malayalam language slang poocha-pulee)
So I took her to dinner and a movie then dropped her off at her parents’ house...
So I took her to dinner, then a movie and dropped her off at her parents' house
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.