When Donald Trump dies...

He's gonna lie still...

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/reddit10x
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Where do you bury asphalt after it dies?

The cementary.

πŸ‘︎ 40
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Where does a suicide bomber go when he dies ?

Everywhere.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Frank: ...girl dies in a tragic blimp accident over the Orange Bowl on New Year's Day.

Jane Spencer: Goodyear? Frank: No, the worst. (Courtesy of Naked Gun)

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shumumazzu
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you say when water boils and dies?

You'll be mist

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kahan_hoe
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2020
🚨︎ report
My dad told me that when he dies, he wants his ashes to be made into fireworks so he can go out with a bang.

I said, "Ok, boomer."

πŸ‘︎ 218
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/misterrandom1
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Where does sporting equipment go when it dies?

Ballhalla

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FreeTuckerCase
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Which body part dies last ?

The eyes, because they dilate.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2020
🚨︎ report
If Snoop Dogg dies before pot becomes legal in the US, he will be rolling in his grave.
πŸ‘︎ 13k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jarl_draven
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2019
🚨︎ report
If Morgan Freeman pledges to donate his organs after death, his name after he dies will be M Freeman.
πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/eshareth
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you do when a chemist dies?

Barium

πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/speedyeddie
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2020
🚨︎ report
When a planet dies...

...does it get an orbituary?

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2020
🚨︎ report
My grandfather keeps telling us that when he dies, we should try to convert his ashes into a diamond.

That’s a lot of pressure.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you know that if a morgue worker dies...

They still show up for work one last time.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/karma-enigma
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the guy who dies from eating spaghetti ?

He pasta away

πŸ‘︎ 43
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2020
🚨︎ report
When a male honey bee climaxes during sex, his testicles explode and he dies

Gives a new meaning to "busting a nut"

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Terrarialord9013
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2020
🚨︎ report
When my father dies he wants his ashes pressed into a record

It's his vinyl request

πŸ‘︎ 37
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/alliswellinnz
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2020
🚨︎ report
What’s going to happen when Queen Elizabeth dies?

Charles becomes the King formerly known as Prince.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/throw63105
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2020
🚨︎ report
If someone dies in a living room...

Is it still a living room?

πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/King_Pinn
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when someone dies from drinking insect spray?

Insecticide

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Cosmic_Kitten
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2020
🚨︎ report
If someone dies from the Corona Virus, I guess you can say their death was...

Made in China

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MattBatz1991
πŸ“…︎ Feb 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Where does the evil calculator go when he dies?

1134

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bach563
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2019
🚨︎ report
My favorite scene from any star trek movie is the one where Spock dies...

It's so i-khan-ic.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/midas_1988
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Boss: "what's that?", Me: (with much enthusiasm) "it's a SPACE BAR!!!!!" *wets myself laughing*, Boss: "...................." *delivers withering look* "are you allowed to stick things on your laptop?", Me: *dies inside at another badly landed pun*
πŸ‘︎ 106
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HumusGoose
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2018
🚨︎ report
I killed the guards for internet to post this,they are coming soon,1 upvote= 1 dies
πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/swaggymelon
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2019
🚨︎ report
What happens when night dies?

Mourning

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Henhen21
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2019
🚨︎ report
One day a guy dies...

...and finds himself in hell. Walking around, he runs into the devil.

Devil: Why are you so sad?

Guy: Why do you think? I'm in hell.

Devil: Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinkin' man?

Guy: Sure, I love to drink.

Devil: Well you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, Diet Coke. We drink until we throw up and then we drink some more.

Guy: Gee, that sounds great.

Devil: You a smoker?

Guy: You better believe it.

Devil: All right! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from around the world and smoke our friggin' lungs out. If you get cancer, it's okay -- you're already dead.

Guy: Golly!

Devil: I bet you like to gamble, too.

Guy: Yes, as a matter of fact I do.

Devil: Good, because Wednesday is gambling day. Craps, blackjack, horse races, you name it. You like to do drugs?

Guy: Yes, I love to do drugs. You don't mean...?

Devil: That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack. Smoke a doobie the size of the Titanic. You can do all the drugs you want, and you'll never die -- you're already dead.

Guy: Neat! I never realized hell was such a happenin' place!

Devil: You gay?

Guy: No.

Devil: Oh, you're gonna hate Fridays

πŸ‘︎ 54
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DylanTheG999
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2019
🚨︎ report
What Do You Do When A Scientist Dies?
πŸ‘︎ 481
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mattjb1994
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2018
🚨︎ report
If I have 26 sheep and one dies, how many are left?

. . . Get it? 20 sick sheep.

Told to me by my 10 year old daughter. She's going to make a great dad one day.l

πŸ‘︎ 716
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rarebit13
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you say when boiled water dies?

R.I.P boiled water. You will be mist.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/typical_guy1
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2019
🚨︎ report
A wizard dies and they lock up his ashes in a lamp

The lamp is then fastened by the sea, just so none of the townsfolk get into trouble. One day, an inquisitive young chap opens the lamp and the wizard starts wreaking havoc upon the town. All the scientists gather and decide to chemically dissolve the lamp. But all the chemicals they have fail to work. They try to burn it, melt it and what not but nothing works. Finally one scientist says β€œI know exactly what we should do. Pour excessive chemicals and try to dissolve it. I know we’ve tried it before but let’s give it another shot.” They bring in acids and other corrosives from the neighbouring cities and pour it on the lamp and it successfully dissolves and the wizard disappears. Everyone is amazed and asks the scientist β€œHow did you know about the extra chemicals?” The bald, black scientist looks at them and says β€œOh that’s easy. Moored urn problems require more darn solutions.”

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lordoflethargy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Do you think Snoop will go to heaven when he dies? Of course, because all dawgs go to heaven.
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Hairlusbalz
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2019
🚨︎ report
If someone dies while you’re tickling them, would you be charged with murder…

or man’s laughter?

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jaggington
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2018
🚨︎ report
Dy-son
πŸ‘︎ 38
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Billyb0bj03
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2019
🚨︎ report
When the person who invented the USB drive dies...

They’ll lower the coffin into the grave, realize they put it in the wrong way and have to do it again.

πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DCCXXVIII
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2019
🚨︎ report
A boy says to his mother, "Mom, why is it everyone in our family dies so young?"

"Mother?"

...

"Mother?"

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/atomantic
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2019
🚨︎ report
What should you do when your car dies under suspicious circumstances?

Order an auto-topsy

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ZoinkBoinkYoink
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2019
🚨︎ report
TIL: There’s a long lost episode where Superman nearly dies because of an ill-fitting costume.

He had a narrow S cape.

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2019
🚨︎ report
A man is diagnosed with a rare condition where if he stops talking about his life experiences, he dies. Not to worry though the doctor said ...

Looks like he's going to tell the tale to live.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2019
🚨︎ report
A man cheats on his girlfriend Lorraine with a girl name Clearly. Lorraine suddenly dies.

At the funeral the man sings 'I can see Clearly now that Lorraine is gone'.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Brock_a_boo22
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2019
🚨︎ report
This pun is dan-dy
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Eben_Marco_K
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2019
🚨︎ report
What part of your body dies last ?

It's the eyes, because they can die-late!

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dadjokeretailer
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2020
🚨︎ report
If Snoop Dogg dies before pot becomes legal in the US,

He will be rolling in his grave.

πŸ‘︎ 19k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2018
🚨︎ report
When you die which body part dies the last?

Your pupils, they dilate.

πŸ‘︎ 86
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/-_-STRANGER-_-
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2019
🚨︎ report
If Snoop Dogg dies before pot becomes legal in the US, ....

He will be rolling in his grave.

πŸ‘︎ 91
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2019
🚨︎ report
A man is cheating on his wife, Lorraine, with another woman named Clearly. Suddenly, Lorraine dies.

As the man leaves her funeral, he sings, "I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone"

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/danocurrygravy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2019
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.