Deeply Puns

They got encaged

EDIT: We plan to place it on the mug as a gift, so it should be relatively short

They went to a site where rumor states a rare dinosaur bone was there

So the man said to his wife.. "I've got a bone to pick, with you~"

(Correction: they are not archaeologists they are paleontologist!)

It's probably her menstrual sigh call…

It was a match made in heaven.

First thing, she asked the doctor about her baby.

Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl. They’re both fine. And, your brother named them for you.

Justine: No, no, no, not my brother! He’s an idiot! What did he name the girl?

Doctor: Denise.

Justine: Ohh, that’s actually not bad. What about the boy?

Doctor: [sighs deeply] Denephew.

His friends described him as a round and pulpy man who loved his wife and penguins. He will be deeply pooped.

SILLYcone

Deeply Dippy

I was deeply touched.

A graphic designer.

Because they are deeply rooted in math.

It's a deeply rooted issue.

My dad and I were moving some furniture for donation out of my grandparents house to get it ready for sale. We were on the last heaviest item which happened to be an old electronic organ when he laid this one on me.

Dad: I will be glad to be rid of this thing.

Me: Me too!

Dad: I've always wanted to be an organ donor.

We both had to set it down and laugh for a good 2 full minutes.

I hope this is the right sub.... I'll never forget the day we lost my grandmother. It was a deeply difficult time. But it turns out she had just slipped between the couch cushions.

...one of them is inhaling deeply from a large bag of cement, he was on the hard stuff!

I grew up in Vermont. Around my town were plenty of dairy farms, inviting the always wonderful manure aroma. An aroma that nearly forced my father to inhale deeply through his nose, saying, "Ah, fresh Vermont air!"

That's an excellent Dad one liner, as are most dad jokes, but he had another great one that I'm getting to.

You see, the hay bails we saw growing up in Vermont were mostly the cube variety. Hay bailing technology at the time created cubes of hay, so that's what dotted the fields they'd graze in.

As we grew older, we starting noticing the now more common round bails of hay. Dad was not pleased.

I asked him what the problem was or, at least, what his problem was with the round bails. The best jokes are set up when you ask for them.

So, he tells me. New farming technology allowed the round bails to be created more efficiently. They used less fuel in the bailers, took less passes on the field to gather the hay. They used less twine, and even though they didn't fill a truck as well as square bails, there was still a net monetary gain from the efficiency gained elsewhere.

However, studies were done on the bails. The cows approached them differently due to the different alignment of surface area. The way the rain hit the bails and rolled off as opposed to soaking in leached nutrients out of the hay. Some cows even mistook the shape of bail for another animal, and approached them so nervously that their heart rates were known to raise significantly; such a rate that a tinge of acidity could be tasted by those in the know in their milk.

What all of this amounted to... is that with the new round bails of hay, the cows just weren't getting a good square meal.

Her: Changing your sleep routine is really hard. Me: Yeah, I bet it's really deeply embedded.

My mom was at the ATM entering her password. Suddenly, a wild dad appeared and said : "hah, your password is so easy to remember. The characters are all X's. "

We all sighed deeply as he laughed uncontrollably, and proceeded our journey in Life ignoring what he just said.

Dad: "Son, I think have some reservations about that sweater."

He then began chuckling deeply for a few minutes before I gave in and joined him.

For some time many of us have wondered, just who is Jack Schitt?

We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt!'

Well, thanks to my personal genealogy research efforts, you can now respond in an intellectual way.

Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt.

Awe Schitt was married to O. Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, and owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had one son, Jack.

In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt.

Against her parents' objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout.

After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock.

Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a son with a rather nervous disposition who was nick-named Chicken Schitt.

Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony.

The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens nuptials.

The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Horse.

Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world.

He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.

Now when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt,' you can correct them.

Sincerely,

Crock O. Schitt

He looks down and sees his pants are wet.
He goes to the guy on his left, "you do this?" Guy shrugs, "nah". Guy on his right, "you?" "nah" The drunk looks down and shrugs "must be an inside job" After telling the joke he sniffs deeply than exhales in satisfaction. "great joke, got anymore?" "i don't know, they just come to me!"

The woman asked the doctor about her baby.

Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl. They're both fine. And, you're brother named them for you.

Woman: No No No! Not my brother. He's an idiot! What did he name the girl?

Doctor: Denise.

Woman: Ohh, that's actually a nice name. What about the boy?

Doctor: deeply sighs Denephew.

The woman asked the doctor about the baby.

The doctor: Congratulations. You had twins, both boys. They're both fine. And your brother named them a for you.

Woman: No. No. No! Not my brother. He's an idiot! What did he name them?

Doctor: He named one of them Pete, after your deceased father as he told me.

Woman: Oh that's actually a very nice name. What did he name the other boy?

Doctor: deeply sighs RePete.

I was deeply touched.

It's a deeply rooted issue.