If alcohol can damage your short term memory

Just think what alcohol can do!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_houser
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
🚨︎ report
COVID-19 can cause damage to the brain, heart, and lungs.

Luckily for Trump, he just needs to worry about lung damage.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
🚨︎ report
A conspiracy enthusiast told me that to many nose swabs for Covid could cause brain damage.

I told him that President Trump gets tested every day!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sparkei1ca
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Ducks love raw potatoes and will attempt to unearth them with their bill. Enthusiastically mistaking rocks for potatoes can cause damage leaving them...

debillatated

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Stroger
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Quasimodo is suing Notre Dame Cathedral for the damage to his back from all the Bell-ringing.

I think he might be getting a big lump sum.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Mate of mine used a modified Fatman in a New Vegas inspired talbetop-RPG. We both found the damage calculation of the lingering damage the GM thought of quite punny:

"Type: Radioactive Fallout, 7d6"

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RoughShadow
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2019
🚨︎ report
A church recently sustained a lot of damage, and had to hire a contractor in order to replace all of it's bells which were destroyed. After completing the work, all of the contractors were promptly arrested.

They were charged with re-belling.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/linknt01
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2019
🚨︎ report
If you watch Bohemian Rhapsody too many times, it might cause damage to your nervous system.

Because of the unusually high Mercury content.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2019
🚨︎ report
I tried cleaning the house, ended up with a bunch of salt water damage.

Thats the last time I use Tide

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/robertdowneysoft
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2018
🚨︎ report
The lights on my roof damaged Santa's sleigh last night. I was really worried he'd demand I pay for the damages.

But I don't owe anything; it was on the house.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Maimonides_vii
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2018
🚨︎ report
My friend's son was talking about how it was bullshit that you took fall damage in games.

I agreed with him that it was totally unreasonable. It should be spring damage.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Calthropstu
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2018
🚨︎ report
A great name for an auto body repair shop that specializes in fixing hail damage would be "The Dentist"
πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dataxpress
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2015
🚨︎ report
Did you know if you punch someone with a lighter clench in your fist you will do less damage to the other person.

Because it is a lighter punch.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spartan17492
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2016
🚨︎ report
Hurricane damage report from my dad

http://imgur.com/hTIWTOD

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/swac
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2016
🚨︎ report
TIL damage to the V1 area of the brain can cause a condition called "blindsight".

But damage to the V8 can make you a vegetable.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mechaxis
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2014
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the pea pod that became damaged?

It had to wear a pod cast.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HanlonRazor
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
🚨︎ report
My boss just told me that I’m the worst mailman he has ever seen.

Shit..l meant to post this somewhere else.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
🚨︎ report
The vet said our chick has survived through the accident, but his brain was damaged so he’d have to live the rest of his life a vegetable.

Guess we’ll call him Eggplant now

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PoohsySlayer69
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
🚨︎ report
The roads were so rough, it damaged my laptop.

It was a hard drive.

πŸ‘︎ 125
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2020
🚨︎ report
I went back to that shop that sells new but damaged goods...

...yeah, I went back for seconds.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NZOC
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2020
🚨︎ report
My son asked me today what do you call a damaged horse house?

Unstable.

Fair play have to hand it to him.. he got me.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Coolkirky
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2020
🚨︎ report
I got my wife a copy of the Pixar movie Up when it came out a long time ago, but she dropped it while opening it. She dropped it so many times over the years that the box is very damaged and the disc is no longer playable. Her other movies are perfectly fine, but not this one.

She did not hold Up well.

πŸ‘︎ 305
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mortalfloater
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Our grocery delivery driver told us one of the milk cartons got damaged and leaked into the bag.

My 15yr old son picked up the first bag, which had a long vegetable sticking out and said "I've found the leek, dad."

Proud dad moment.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2020
🚨︎ report
I showed my damaged luggage to a lawyer, and said, β€œI want to sue the airline!”

The lawyer said, β€œYou don’t have much of a case.”

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you fix a damaged jack-o-lantern?

You use a pumpkin patch.

πŸ‘︎ 690
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
🚨︎ report
I asked the library women of there are any books on the Titanic

She said they might have been damaged, wet and moldy.

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Schrodingers_liar
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Grandad always hated the milkman

My grandad always hated the milkman. Every time the guy limped up to the door (he’d had his foot damaged in the war) to drop off our delivery grandad would always grumble and mutter. I asked the old man what he had against the milkman. I never got a good answer.

It wasn’t until years later that I figured out that grandad was just lack toes intolerant.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlephInfite
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
🚨︎ report
There was an accident at the coal mine

Nothing too serious, just some miner damage

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Strawbalicious
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I broke my hand last week, at the hospital thinking it was permanently damaged, I asked the Doctor if I’d be able to play guitar. He replied β€œYes, after you’ve taken time to heal”

I was ecstatic, I’ve always wanted to know how to play.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Reptarticle
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Doctor: β€œYou’ve damaged several muscles including your calf and your quad.”

Patient: β€œIs that true, or are you just pulling my leg?”

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nitroade24h
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2020
🚨︎ report
I overdosed on viagra once...

Hardest day of my life.

πŸ‘︎ 67
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πŸ‘€︎ u/__teju
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2020
🚨︎ report
My kid damaged my iphone so I am giving it away

He is 3 years old, blue eyes, blonde hair...

πŸ‘︎ 76
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bot_10
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2019
🚨︎ report
A small meteorite is reportedly headed for Legoland

The damage is expected to be 50 square blocks.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ“…︎ May 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Someone keyed a music note into my car

The damage appears to B Minor

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
🚨︎ report
The doctor told me my voice box is damaged and i might never speak again.

I can't tell you how upset i am

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HungryPizzax
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2019
🚨︎ report
What is a gallon of milk’s weak spot?

The jugular

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tgborst
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2020
🚨︎ report
I ordered some big metal letters.

I wanted to make a sign that said "YOU & ME". So, I ordered some big metal letters.

When they arrived, the box was very damaged. I checked if everything was there, but the iron E was lost on me.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
🚨︎ report
[Meta] The real purpose of dad jokes

Back in the before times, when sit-down restaurants existed, I used to order boneless cheese sticks and would just throw the word "boneless" in front of any appetizer with 100% corniness. The purpose of this isn't to make a good joke. It's not a good joke. The purpose is to make my dining companions catch some cringe splash damage and want to crawl into a hole and die out of embarrassment for my being horribly corny.

But there is a real, deeper purpose that I've discovered entirely by accident. People, especially young people, are so self-conscious and worried about saying or doing something embarrassing that it taints a lot of social gatherings. They go to a restaurant and are afraid to speak up even when their order is blatantly wrong. They'll tip well even when the food took an hour to arrive and the server has disappeared into the corn stalks behind a baseball field. It takes 2 hours of hanging out together before some friends finally stop nitpicking themselves, uncomfortable in their own bodies and brains, feeling perpetually judged, and begin to relax. These are the kinds of people who go to sleep every night replaying cringey moments from high school. Their last thought of the day is when the Burger King girl said, "Enjoy your meal!" and they said, "Thanks, you too."

It takes 2 hours and/or a lot of booze before they're comfortable enough to take conversational risks and truly reveal themselves. But if I come right out of the gate with a really dumb joke, then we can cut to the chase. There's less danger because someone in the group already shot themselves in the foot, right off the bat. They pulled a pin on the cringe grenade and then jumped on it.

You cringe at my dumb joke and then we're over the hump. Someone has already done something pretty stupid, so go ahead and order the hubcap of nachos and a massive chocolate shake because nobody is going to judge you poorly while they're all judging me.

In terms of price negotiations (haggling), there is a psychological concept called "anchoring". You throw out the first number and all subsequent numbers are compared to that number. This is the same idea. We've already set the humor standard pretty low at "boneless cheese sticks", so you can say the dumbest shit you want and, as long as it's not worse than my cheesy joke, it won't matter.

This is why, when you were a teenager and your dad took you and some friends out, your dad made corny jokes. He knew they were corny jokes. You and your friends un

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Permatato
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I tripped over a box of Kleenex when coming home, needing an ER visit!

Don't worry--it's only tissue damage...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Was out driving. Hit a streetlamp.

Only had light damage.

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mundane_days
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Spent all day rinsing several palates of damaged Coca-Cola cans at the food bank today. The stuff at the bottom was ... gross. At home mom asked what we did.

We sorted sorta sordid sodas.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/welloveramillion
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2019
🚨︎ report
I got in trouble at work for damaging an executive's Microsoft tablet.

I defended myself saying "I've barely scratched the Surface"

πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RutabagaJoe
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2018
🚨︎ report
My son asked me if my hearing is damaged from years of playing in bands.

Deafinitely

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MexElf
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2019
🚨︎ report
The airline damaged my guitar because I bought a cheap gig bag

It was a worst case scenario

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MuttonChopViking
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2018
🚨︎ report
Idk if it's been here before
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hados1109
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2019
🚨︎ report
I showed the damaged remains of my luggage to a lawyer, and asked him whether I can sue the airline.

He said, β€œYou don’t have much of a case.”

πŸ‘︎ 192
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
🚨︎ report
I showed the damaged remains of my luggage to a lawyer, and asked him whether I can sue the airline.

He said you don’t have much of a case.

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mark30322
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you fix a damaged jack-o-lantern?

You use a pumpkin patch.

πŸ‘︎ 65
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you fix a damaged jack-o-lantern?

You use a pumpkin patch.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2019
🚨︎ report
My kid damaged my new IPhone 11 so I’m giving it away.

He is 3 years old, blonde, and has black eyes.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/letsgomina
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you fix a damaged jack-o-lantern?

You use a pumpkin patch.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2019
🚨︎ report
I took the damaged remains of my luggage to a lawyer and said, β€œI want to sue the airline!”

The lawyer said, β€œYou don’t seem to have too much of a case.”

πŸ‘︎ 83
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2018
🚨︎ report
I showed my damaged luggage to a lawyer, and said, β€œI want to sue the airline!”

The lawyer said, β€œYou don’t have much of a case.”

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2019
🚨︎ report
I went back to that shop that sells damaged new goods...

...I went back for seconds.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NZOC
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2019
🚨︎ report
I showed my lawyer the damaged remains of my bag and asked him whether I can sue the airline.

He said, β€œYou don’t seem to have much of a case.”

πŸ‘︎ 100
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2019
🚨︎ report

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