Playing rainbow six using Calculator as a controller
π︎ 4k
π
︎ Aug 22 2020
Why do mission controllers count down on takeoff?
If they counted up the space shuttle would never take off.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Nov 10 2020
What did the air traffic controller say to the angry pilot?
π︎ 2
π
︎ Aug 01 2020
I quit my job fixing controllers at the tv repair shop.
I wasnβt making remotely enough.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Jun 21 2020
You know the d-pad on a controller right?
Well mine seems to be missing. It must have just downright up and left.
π︎ 28
π
︎ May 05 2020
After the pilot had a sudden heart attack, an air traffic controller had to coach a passenger in landing a cargo jet full of various cuts of select Kobe beef
The steaks had never been higher
π︎ 2
π
︎ May 21 2020
I've had to use my old nintendo controller to work from lately
You can say I've been working wiimotely
π︎ 2
π
︎ May 22 2020
Have you ever seen a game controller float in midair?
https://i.imgur.com/SN66gUf.jpg
π︎ 3
π
︎ Mar 08 2020
The first time I got a universal remote controller, I thought to myself...
π︎ 25
π
︎ Oct 22 2019
When i wanted to take the PlayStation controller away from my little brother, I'd bribe him with a candy bar.
It was one of the Twix of the trade.
π︎ 11
π
︎ Oct 18 2019
Invited my dad to play video games with me. He puts the controller up to the side of his head.
"What are you doing, dad?"
"I'm playing it by ear"
π︎ 21
π
︎ Sep 01 2019
Do you wanna switch controllers?
π︎ 21
π
︎ Oct 04 2018
My buddy quit his job as an air traffic controller to become a monk, and now regrets it.
Itβs like he got out of flying plans and into the friar.
π︎ 60
π
︎ Aug 29 2018
Air traffic controllers are hard to deal with...
if they don't like your approach.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jan 04 2018
What did my dad say when I didnt pass him the remote controller?
"Stop that, it isn't even remotely funny"
π︎ 4
π
︎ Feb 04 2017
TV controller
The wife and I were watching TV tonight and i reached to grab the remote. A few seconds later I got up and started running around the room. She asked me 'what's wrong' to which I replied 'I've lost control, I've lost control!'
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jan 10 2015
Told my dad how Steam Controller works better with Windows than Mac.
> Well of course it does. You can see through windows.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jan 03 2016
The Controller Battery Mattery
Friend's controller dies mid-game during our first round in a Halo party.
Friend: I just got this controller with batteries in it, but I guess the batteries are dead.
Me: So, would you say you got it... Free of Charge?
Friend: GTFO
π︎ 2
π
︎ Feb 06 2016
Iβve lost control
π︎ 55
π
︎ May 26 2021
I hired a pest control company and I think I got ripped off
My children are still here
π︎ 22
π
︎ May 31 2021
Someone randomly dropped off a bull in my neighborβs yard, but animal control picked it up before she got home.
She would have had a cow.
π︎ 7
π
︎ May 26 2021
The inventor of the remote control has died.
They just don't know where he is.
π︎ 3
π
︎ May 17 2021
What do you call a battleship control room that covers a belly button?
π︎ 2
π
︎ May 22 2021
The government is using chemicals to control the people.
But not me; I'm a free radical.
π︎ 4
π
︎ May 17 2021
Jehovah's Witness favourite band.
π︎ 6k
π
︎ Apr 20 2021
After all this home schooling, my kid finally lost control
π︎ 53
π
︎ Jan 28 2021
I hid the control for the TV
Iβm not even remotely sorry
π︎ 17
π
︎ Apr 10 2021
Today, on the news, there was an incident in my town where a city bus lost control and landed on top of a house. No one was killed and the city is paying all passengers.
I guess you can say the bus ride was on the house.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Apr 17 2021
I've lost control
π︎ 27
π
︎ Feb 22 2021
I work as a quality control specialist for my local toothpaste company
every tube so far has been in mint condition
π︎ 25
π
︎ Mar 25 2021
I'll make sure to control my anger next time
π︎ 59
π
︎ Feb 09 2021
My remote control batteries died today.
So I gave them away, free of charge.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Mar 30 2021
Our Tea Company only allows men in the quality control department. It is a requirement,
π︎ 6
π
︎ Mar 27 2021
Seems the Weekend had compete creative control for the halftime special and brought in his own production team.
I guess Everybody's Working For the Weekend.
π︎ 38
π
︎ Feb 08 2021
Have you heard about the evil group of men who control all the worldβs cheese?
π︎ 9
π
︎ Mar 02 2021
I love puns, butt this is getting outta control
π︎ 106
π
︎ Dec 04 2020
Why are oysters the best at crowd control?
'cause they always be screamin' : "ALLRIGHT EVERYBODY CLAM DOWN !!!"
π︎ 2
π
︎ Mar 08 2021
Did You Hear About the Crosseyed Teacher?
She couldnβt control her pupils
π︎ 84
π
︎ May 30 2021
Why did the cross eyed teacher get fired?
He couldn't control his pupils.
π︎ 91
π
︎ May 24 2021
Remote control
π︎ 15
π
︎ Dec 25 2020
Not to brag, but I experimented a lot with drugs and sex when I was in college.
Unfortunately I was part of the control group.
π︎ 1k
π
︎ Mar 09 2021
I can control the element. The element of....
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jan 14 2021
Misunderstanding on purpose
My favourite 'dad joke' is purposefully misunderstanding the kids and watching their disbelief as they try and reword things so even an idiot can understand. We have a family app so they need permission to download some apps onto their devices (because we are "controlling" π).
So every now and then this will happen:
Child : Can I get an app?
Me : sure, if you're tired just go and lie down.
Child: no, an APP
Me: yes, lie DOWN
Child: No, I need an... I want a...I just want...an app.
Me: or an early night?
Child: weary sigh
Me: you do look tired
- thinking I'm the best joker in history*
That was a short version. If it didn't make sense, read it aloud.
The kids will put me in a home at the first opportunity.
π︎ 223
π
︎ Apr 08 2021
Pest control companies...
Do they all have a lice-nse?
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jan 27 2021
Epitome of self control
π︎ 3k
π
︎ Feb 21 2020
I went to a warehouse that held replacement keyboard keys. Huge bins overflowing with letters, numbers, function keys, boxes blocking the aisles full of arrows, and Windows and Apple keys. Space bars everywhere!
They were out of Control.
Luckily I found an Escape.
I got Home eventually.
π︎ 6
π
︎ May 30 2021
What is the opposite of a croissant?
π︎ 9k
π
︎ Nov 22 2020
I cannot afford the new PS5 and it's getting me down
No-one knows how to console me.
π︎ 27
π
︎ May 11 2021
A drunk wakes up in jail, "Why am I here officer?"
"For drinking." replies the cop.
"Great" says the man. "When do we start?"
π︎ 14k
π
︎ Dec 08 2020
My wife asked for a divorce today, saying I was too un-American.
I saw it coming from a kilometer away.
π︎ 15k
π
︎ Nov 14 2020
What do you call a native Alaskan eye doctor??
An Optical Aleutian
Iβll see myself out...
π︎ 10k
π
︎ Dec 01 2020
The youngest girl in our family wants to be a male semiconductor device for amplifying, controlling, and generating electrical signals when she grows up.
π︎ 43
π
︎ Oct 31 2020
Ho ho ho!
π︎ 6k
π
︎ Nov 22 2020
Scientists developed a male birth control gel but it only targets the X/Y chromosome
Theyre calling it "Son-Block"
π︎ 15
π
︎ Dec 06 2020
Control
π︎ 182
π
︎ May 22 2020
I can't find the control for my TV.
It must be in a remote location.
π︎ 115
π
︎ Sep 01 2020
The mayor in my city just passed law that male best friends have to have lunch together at least once a week
Well itβs not a law itβs a mandate
π︎ 14k
π
︎ Nov 20 2020
A friend of mine went bald years ago, but still carries around an old comb.
He just can't part with it.
π︎ 11k
π
︎ Nov 19 2020
Why is βbeefstewβ an unsafe password to use?
Because itβs not Stroganoff.
π︎ 13k
π
︎ Nov 07 2020
How is Cruz so good at driving?
She has 'Cruz' Control.
...we just finished watching Cars 3.
π︎ 5
π
︎ May 31 2021
There's a term for people like Trump
π︎ 5k
π
︎ Nov 09 2020
You know the d-pad on a controller right?
Mine seems to be missing, it must've just downright up and left.
π︎ 58
π
︎ May 05 2016
The cross eyed school teacher was fired.
She couldnβt control her pupils.
π︎ 5
π
︎ May 18 2021
I got myself a universal remote control
And man, it changes everything.
π︎ 10
π
︎ Nov 04 2020
I can't find the control for my TV.
It must be in a remote location.
π︎ 175
π
︎ Jun 27 2020
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