If your dog shakes hands with your enemy, has he committed a foe paw?
My left knee has never committed a crime.
I can’t say the same for his felony.
What happened when the leader of Russia committed a crime?
What do you call a bird that has committed a crime?
The author of Webster's dictionary committed suicide with the book he wrote.
At least he died on his own terms.
Why did the french chef committed suicide??
He lost his huile d'olive
Schrodinger’s Cat has committed unforgivable crimes.
He is wanted dead and alive.
Did you hear that Thanos was committed to an insane asylum? It's true.
In response to the American coin shortage, Canada has committed to providing the U.S. aid
If you get released from a mental institutional, and then get committed again-
Did you hear about the Italian who committed identity theft?
Police say he was an impasta
What do you call a crime committed by a cat?
A scuba diver committed suicide today
He just couldn’t handle the pressure.
I committed Seppuku once. I don't think I have the guts to do it again.
Seppuku is the suicidal act of stabbing yourself in the stomach.
Did you hear about the string of bank robberies committed by a guy dressed up like Jesus?
The cops finally nailed him.
Why did police believe a duck had committed the robbery?
Because he fit the bill of the one they were looking for.
My dress shirts all committed treason.
So they were sentenced to hanging.
The court committed me to the psych ward today.
Do you know why no one has ever been sentenced for crimes committed on the moon?
I know a woman who has committed herself to cleaning other peoples’ homes indefinitely, and makes a hell of a lot of money for it.
Did you hear about the chain of terrorist attacks committed by angry bankers?
Police thought the attacks were linked but later found that they were a bunch of loan wolves.
If you're surprised that Jeff Epstein committed suicide
Just imagine how surprised he was.
A midget with the ability to talk to ghosts committed a crime but was not caught yet.
We are looking for a small medium at large.
A group of shepherds committed suicide last night. They heard the song “there will never be another you.”
How did the police know that Will Smith committed the robbery?
Because they found some Fresh Prints.
I just committed a murder
Those crows are finally getting the mental health care they so desperately needed
abraham lincoln never committed a crime
If I had a dollar for every time I've committed armed robbery...
I'd be a pretty lousy robber.
if i killed the pope, would i have committed a cardinal sin?
Which of the presidents never committed any crimes?
Lincoln, because he is in-a-cent.
Me and my dad were talking about a baby seagull that committed a felony
He said it was a wee-gull
My daughter has been grieving her friend who committed suicide by jumping in front of a train.
She came out with this one today:
"I don't know why he jumped in front of the train, but he must have had a real loco motive."
Did you hear about why the train conductor committed murder?
I just committed a dad joke and felt I should share.
Our dog's barking her head off, trying to get food from the table. I look to my daughter and say: "Must be a tree-dog."
"A tree-dog," she says, "why's that?"
"Because of all the bark!"
And then I got that look. If you're a dad, too, you know the one.
After Cain committed the first murder....
His whole family was dis-Abled.
A dog committed matricide
but I can't blame him, she was a bitch.
Did you hear about the French chef who committed suicide?
Apparently he'd just completely lost the huile d'olive.
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