.."Trick or Treatment"
In short his practice is shrinking.
Patient: Why couldn't they play cards on the Ark?
Me: Why?
Patient: Because Noah was standing on the deck.
He chuckled so satisfyingly. 84-years-old, one day post-op from a total knee replacement, proof that nothing can stop the dad jokes.
Regular medicine.
He replied " I am probably a Type O"
Because it’s a posture fee
I got cut off.
I left feeling microsoft
I guess they successfully cured cancer.
An engineer who was unemployed for a long time decided to open a medical clinic. He puts a sign outside the clinic: "A cure for your ailment guaranteed at $500; we'll pay you $1,000 if we fail."
A Doctor thinks this is a good opportunity to earn $1,000 and goes to his clinic.
Doctor: "I have lost my sense of taste."
Engineer: "Nurse, please bring the medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth."
Doctor: "This is Gasoline!"
Engineer: "Congratulations! You've got your taste back. That will be $500."
The Doctor gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days later to recover his money.
Doctor: "I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything."
Engineer: "Nurse, please bring the medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth."
Doctor: "But that is Gasoline!"
Engineer: "Congratulations! You've got your memory back. That will be $500."
The Doctor leaves angrily and comes back after several days, more determined than ever to make his money back.
Doctor: "My eyesight has become weak."
Engineer: "Well, I don't have any medicine for this. Take this $1,000," passing the doctor a $500 note.
Doctor: "But this is $500..."
Engineer: "Congratulations! You've got your vision back! That will be $500."
It was for a good gauze.
I got a standing ovulation.
....only has 1 knocker.
She asks me to bring it drop it off at the lab for her and I ask, “where do I drop it off?”
She says, “Go in the front door and there’s a little desk that you -“
“Don’t you mean a LITTLE STOOL!?”
... I hope you guys enjoy that as much as I did. True story happened today!
Come here often?
....but she enjoys the craic.
The Mayo Clinic
for mustard gas exposure, would you ever catch up to previous health levels?
Food for thought
because it's 20/20."
Unlike the grocery store, the clinic isn't adopting the "curbside pee-cup" system.
I walked into a substance abuse clinic for my second meeting yesterday. The doctor knew I had a severe crush on women super heros...today he told me the news.
"Sir I'm afraid it's dire, you need to be checked in immediately for your heroine addiction"
Thank you for your cervix!
I'm gonna call it Half Off For Half Off
They said, “Maybe you should check your junk.”
I had an elderly patient today who was visibly upset, almost to the point of tears. I asked her if she was worried about having her blood drawn and she said that the blood draw didn’t bother her, but that she was upset because she had hit a cat with her car on the way to her appointment this morning. She said that she didn’t know who the cat belonged to and that she had it wrapped up in a blanket in her car. I asked her how badly the cat was hurt and she said “I think he’s going to be alright. I just clipped the hind end of him, but his tail is just barely hanging on. After I leave here, I’m taking him straight to Wal-Mart.”
I told her that she might be better off taking the cat to a veterinary clinic instead of Wal-Mart and she said, “but it’s just his tail, and Wal-Mart is the largest retailer in North America!”
They said “No, you need toupee”.
That shit was expensive.
Turns out it was a good place for a break.
Which I thought was a little rash.
From Dad Joke of the day on facebook.
Doctor says: " I can clearly see you're nuts."
My patience was running thin
"I've been trying to reach you since the last three weeks but you wouldn't pick up the call," I said.
"I'm having some serious symptoms and I needed this appointment as soon as possible," I continued.
"Alright, alright," the doctor interfered. "Just be patient."
I'm gonna call it "GET IT OFF YOUR CHEST"!
That's SAD
A Coughy Filter!
Everybody there is sick.
A corneacopia.
The nurse asked the rabbit: "What's your blood type?"
"I'm probably a Type O", said the rabbit.
The nurse asked the rabbit: "What is your blood type?"
"I am probably a type O" said the rabbit.
The nurse asks the rabbit: “What’s your blood type?”
The rabbit replies: “I’m probably a Type O.”
