I tried to bring two dead chickens with me on my flight, but they said I was only allowed one carrion.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Griznuq
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2017
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Guy tries to board a plane with a dead racoon. The flight attendant says, "sir, you're going to have to check that"

"Don't worry," he replies, "It's carrion."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jsradford
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2021
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I had to carry a group of crows once.

It was murder on my back!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ripMyTime0192
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2021
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Why don't vultures check their bags when they fly?

They just take carrion.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bondjimbond
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2021
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Why do vultures never check their bags on an airline?

They prefer carrion

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rahcled
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
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Vulture Problems (and apologies to Kansas)

The Prince of the vultures had always been a rebel, but he surprised everyone when he announced he was going to be a vegetarian. And nobody expected this to divide the vulture kingdom, with nearly half the vultures supporting the Prince's choice. Tempers flared, and civil war was brewing when the Prince burst into the King's chambers.

"Father," he cried, "I never meant to cause this. I'll do anything you say to reunite the kingdom. Please, Father, what should I eat?"

The King set a plate of roadkill in front of the Prince, and said "Carrion, my wayward son. There'll be peace when you are done."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rjsquirrel
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
🚨︎ report
A vulture was boarding a plane and he brought with him a dead racoon. The flight attendant, mortified by the sight and stench, pointed at the carcass and asked "Sir why did you bring a dead racoon with you."

The vulture said. "Oh this? This is my carrion luggage."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fearless-Gas
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
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A Vulture is about to get on a plane.

Do you have any baggage to declare?

No thanks, just carrion.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Apollonius_Cone
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
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You know those birds and lizards that eat the decaying corpses of other animals?

Sorry, I shouldn't carrion about it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LthlPnc
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2019
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A vulture carrying two dead raccoons boards an airplane. The stewardess looks at him and says:

"I'm sorry, only one carrion allowed per passenger'.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/drozzi007
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2020
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Why don't vultures use airlines?

They're not allowed carrion luggage.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brucemoose1
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2020
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Budum tisss
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AnEbolaOfCereal
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2019
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Saw the damnedest thing at the airport. A vulture was trying to board the plane with a dead, rotting animal hanging out of its mouth. Gate agent tried to stop him...

...and the vulture said, "I'm clearly permitted one piece of carrion luggage."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/theposshow
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2019
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I went big game hunting, but I couldn't bring all my trophies home.

The airline only permitted one piece of carrion.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MadCash
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2020
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A globe-trotting vulture tried to bring his breakfast and lunch onto the plane

"I'm sorry, sir, you're only authorized ONE carrion."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/berninicaco3
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you say to a nervous mortician?

Keep calm and carrion.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WenDMegs
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2020
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Did you hear about the vulture that the TSA trained and hired?

They fired him on day one. He was caught eating carrion.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Undershoes
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2020
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Why did the vulture get charged extra on the airplane?

He had an excessive amount of carrion luggage.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ivegot_back
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2019
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A vulture boarded a plane carrying 2 dead raccoons. A stewardess stops him...

And said, "Sorry, everyone is allowed only one piece of carrion."

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Degtyrev
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2020
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I one brought a dead raccoon on a plane

Because they said I was entitled to 10 kgs of carrion luggage

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mitiamedved
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2019
🚨︎ report
T-Rexes hunting for dinner

This is my dad's favorite dad joke.

A teenage T-Rex named Maynard and his father were out looking for dinner.

"Oh hey, dad! Look! A stegosaurus! That'd be good!"

"My Maynard son, no. That would be so hard to chew. There's so much armor there."

A little while later:

"Dad, check it. A big old nest of Pteranadons! Chicken tonight!"

"No, my Maynard son. They would fly too fast, and we cannot reach up there with our arms."

Finally, "Dad! Dad! Check it out! A herd of brontosaurus! It'd be so easy!"

"No, my Maynard son. Brontosaurus ribs take a long time to properly age before they're good eating. Everyone knows this."

The teenage T-Rex stomped and roared, "Daaad, what are we doing? There's stuff right here to eat! What the hell are you looking for, anyway?"

The elder T-Rex shook his head and said, "Carrion, my Maynard son."

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2019
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Why don’t vultures ever give up?

They just keep calm and carrion

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FerioFirmus
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2019
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Puns for Educated Minds
  1. The fattest knight at King Arthurs round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

  2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

  3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

  4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

  5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

  6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

  7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

  8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

  9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

  10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

  11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

  12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: You stay here; I'll go on a head.

  13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

  14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: Keep off the Grass.

  15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

  16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

  17. A backward poet writes inverse.

  18. In a democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count that votes.

  19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

  20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.

  21. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.

  22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says Dam!

  23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.

  24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, I’ve lost my electron. The other says Are you sure? The first replies, Yes, I’m positive.

  25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

  26. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FreshFocusPhoto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2015
🚨︎ report
why did the vulture have to check his bag?

his carrion was overstuffed

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tequilaphasmas
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Hyenas hate Spirit airlines.

The are too cheap to pay for carrion luggage.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PdSales
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2019
🚨︎ report
What do airlines call their vulture passenger's luggage?

Carrion.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mwmillman
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the guy who tried to bring roadkill onto an airplane?

The ticket agent asked him if it was check-in or carrion.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MontysBeret
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Why was the vulture not allowed to board the plane?

They didn’t like his carrion.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Evadguitar
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2019
🚨︎ report
A young condor leaves home

One day a young condor becomes disillusioned with his life and declares to his parents, "I'm leaving and never coming home". He leaves and wanders for a few weeks, but as is the way of things, he realizes he has made a mistake. The young condor returns home and begs forgiveness. His parents are simply happy to see their prodigal son return home and welcome him with open wings.

The young condor realizes that he has not eaten much recently and is starving. "What's for dinner?" he asks.

His father replies, "Carrion, my wayward son."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/huangzilong
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2019
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Have you heard about the new discount airline, Scavenger Air?

They only allow carrion bags.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lobsterbash
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Why can't hyenas bring their food back to their dens before they eat it?

It'd be too much carrion'

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rhedkiex
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2018
🚨︎ report
How much luggage do vultures carry when they fly?

Just their carrion

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πŸ‘€︎ u/skeazy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2018
🚨︎ report
So two vultures were about to take a flight

the air hostess noticed the rotten meat they had with them and said "hey you cant bring that on board" Vulture" but this is carrion luggage"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Paladium9999
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2018
🚨︎ report
Vultures are always hungry when flying...

...because there's a limit of one carrion bag

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dmethvin
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2018
🚨︎ report
A vulture tried to board a plane

A vulture tried to board a plane carrying two dead raccoons, but the flight attendant stopped it and said, "Sorry, we only allow one carrion."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mudkipz1956
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2017
🚨︎ report
A vulture at the airport

Last week I was flying home from a business trip out of Dallas/Ft. Worth. I'm in line waiting to board and in front of me is a vulture. He's dragging a squirrel carcass behind him in one hand and a dead possum in the other. The line is moving pretty quick until the vulture gets to the ramp and winds up in an argument with the guy scanning tickets. The attendant at the gate says to the vulture, "sir, you are only permitted one piece of carrion."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AllUrMemes
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2017
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Falcons on a plane

Two falcons are passing through security, each carrying 3 dead squirrels. They weren't allowed to board, though - the airline had a strict limit of two carrions.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/oregon2012
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2013
🚨︎ report
What type of luggage do coyotes always take with them on airplanes?

Carrion.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ralph3576
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2018
🚨︎ report
Why couldn't the zombie board the airplane?

Because they don't allow carrion!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jcorb
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2017
🚨︎ report
He enjoyed his new job as a flight attendant on a Transgalactic Express ship. He enjoyed the variety of species & sentients he got to meet. Except for the Plort, who ate large quantities of raw dead flesh.

They always made him put their carrion overhead.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/johnabbe
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2016
🚨︎ report
Why don't vultures eat while flying?

Because carrion costs extra.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/M0sesx
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2015
🚨︎ report
So I said, 'What does the vulture sing to its children at feeding time'?

Carrion my wayward son, of course.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tendrin
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2016
🚨︎ report
When I went to the airport...

Security asked me why I had a bag of dead squirrels. I told them it was my carrion bag.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/treyf711
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2014
🚨︎ report
Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons.

The stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, you're each only allowed one carrion."

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheOgree
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2019
🚨︎ report
What kind of luggage do vultures fly with?

Carrion.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2018
🚨︎ report
Why is it so easy for vultures to fly?

They only have carrion luggage.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/voyer
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2018
🚨︎ report
What did the roadkill say to the pedestrian?

Carrion!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/alllifeispain
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2015
🚨︎ report
When birds of prey fly...

A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pastorjeff2000
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2016
🚨︎ report

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