Dad Jokes

It was a brisk Saturday morning when Gerald arrived at β€œThe CafΓ©,” a hip coffee shop right down the street. Wearing his large, burly black coat, he stared hesitantly at his watch. Thick glasses adorned his bright blue eyes, his gaze like starlight in a clear night sky. He was waiting, intently twiddling his thumbs. After a buzz of his phone, the message from Dad popped up: β€œParking now, be there in 5.”

β€œDad,” he whispered under his breath, swiping the message away to once again reveal the image on his lock-screen: a hazy picture of an ultrasound.

Gerald had not spoken to his father for three years. They had had a falling out, over which he did not remember. To him it was a competition of who could wait the longest without calling or sending a text. Who could wait the longest: him without a father, or his father without a son? The idea of friction in the relationship hurt like a thorn; piercing his soul more and more everyday. Until recently, out of the blue, β€œDad” popped up on his phone. The rest is history. The rest leads to that Saturday morning, at The CafΓ©.

Bang! A car door rang out not too far from where Gerald stood. Gerald saw him. His father wore his tweed jacket like a coat of armor. His strut was now weaker than before they stopped talking; a weakness evident in his cane which supported every right step. His shortly trimmed white beard juxtaposed against his uncut, curly grey hair gave him the image of a wise wizard from a fairytale. He used to be that figure to Gerald, yet instead of a nice ancient being acting like a stone to keep him grounded, Gerald had felt as though his father was a rock pulling him deeper and deeper into a sea of monotony. Holding him back from his true potential. Maybe that was why he left? He still did not know.

β€œHello, son,” came the withered voice Gerald had sook for so long, yet now that it had arrived wanted to avoid. β€œI can’t believe it’s been so long!”

β€œYeah,” said Gerald, allowing a smile to grace his face. β€œToo long!”

Then they hugged, signifying a change in their relationship. Gerald had hoped something could happen to bring them closer together. He did not want to go on wondering what could have been. The regret and sadness weighed him down. Before starting a new family, Gerald wanted to be reacquainted with his own.

After finding their table and sitting down, the two began to discuss life. It was like old friends catching up after a long break. Although it took some time, Gerald began to warm u

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sullyrr
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
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There’s a horse that lives next door to me.

He’s my naaay-bur

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zeke_Smith
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
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There’s a tool for every job

At work, Gary has to cut holes in sheet metal and has to use a de-burring hook to remove the sharp edges of the cutout. He always catches someone with their guard down and ask to borrow their heater. Gary works inside in a warm clean building, so it’s an odd request.

Their head tilts sideways like a confused dog, and they say puzzled β€œHeater?”.

Gary replies, β€œYeah, your de-BUrRRrRR-ing tool” as he crosses his arms and shivers.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nuclear-juniper
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2020
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I keep asking people what LGBTQ stands for

Bur I never get a straight answer

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PdawgUltimate
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2019
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Our bedtime conversation

Me: (enormous, burly fart)

Her: My god, that sounds like an animal!

Me: Yeah. It was a butt ox.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/julius_yang
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2019
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Shoe laces

Wife calls me over to the computer.

Wife: Honey, can you take a look at these shoes for our daughter? They are shock cord bur I don't see a tightener. And I dont know if they tie.

Me: Well, maybe they are Vietnamese.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/latherer
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2019
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I was caught graffiting by the cops

I tried to deny it, bur the writing was already on the wall

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ATOMMANIPULATOR
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2019
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What do you call a tree with no money?

Bur-oak.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/theroywonder
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2017
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