The folks who live in my town aren’t allowed to be buried in the old cemetery on the edge of town.

Mostly because they’re not dead yet.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Panthropoly
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2021
🚨︎ report
Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?

Because X marks the spot

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you know there’s a law stating no one living within 5 miles of a cemetery can be buried there?

Because they’re living

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DronePilotNYC
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
🚨︎ report
How many bodies are buried in Arlington National Cemetery?

All of them

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AwwwwwwYeahhhhhhh
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Man: You buried my grandmother in the wrong plot!

Cemetery groundskeeper: I guess you can say I’ve made a grave mistake.

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Scaulbylausis
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Over the years, my neighbour has buried his deceased pets in his backyard, and to his surprise, a plant has sprung up.

It's a Cemer Tree.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brucemoose1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Where are dead computer hackers buried?

In decrypt.

πŸ‘︎ 457
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/assafstone
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a composer that’s dead and buried?

A decomposer.

πŸ‘︎ 51
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you know that lawyers are buried 12 feet deep when they die?

Apparently deep down they are good people.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BKFKHC
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I just went to go visit my late grandmother buried in the cemetery, but when I went there I found her dancing!

It was quite the Plot Twist

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nickycthatsme
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
🚨︎ report
I was driving with my dad when we passed a cemetery. My dad goes in a low, dark, creepy voice, "I know something about this cemetery that you don’t.” And I was like what is it? He continued, "The people living in this town can’t be buried here.” I was really confused so I asked why?

He rasped, "Cuz they’re still alive!"

πŸ‘︎ 84
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Why can't a man living in New York be buried in Chicago ?

Because he's still alive

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2020
🚨︎ report
What was the name of the Egyptian that was buried with chocolate and nuts?

Pharaoh Rocher

πŸ‘︎ 392
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/evac95
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2020
🚨︎ report
The crossword fan asked to be buried 6ft down

And 3ft across

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mantissa7
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Yesterday, I was digging in the garden when I found a buried treasure chest!

I ran inside to tell my wife, but then I remembered why I was digging in the garden...

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KittenWarlord87
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2020
🚨︎ report
The buried shoe.

Today I buried my shoe. May it's sole Rest In Peace.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ExcellentCatch8
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Want to know why being buried right now would be good?

Because you would be six feet away from everyone

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DL14Nibba
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2020
🚨︎ report
People tend to be buried underground because...

They feel like it has a deeper meaning.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Low_Connection_
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2020
🚨︎ report
When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it...

The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave.

Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.

When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment and said, "Ah, yes, that's Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards."

He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling."

So the magistrate kept listening, "There's the Seventh... the Sixth... the Fifth..."

Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate.

He stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Beethoven decomposing."

πŸ‘︎ 371
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the widow who just buried her fourth husband say?

Another male in the coffin.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bismuth21
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Anyone can be buried after they die...

But if you wanna get cremated, you've gotta urn it.

πŸ‘︎ 326
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BugMartin
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend Victoria told me she found secret buried treasure.

But she wouldn't tell me under where.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Hensfan85
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2020
🚨︎ report
In most countries, it's common to see Dads mostly buried in the sand of beaches

Except in Mexico. There, they only burritos.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/breakone9r
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Where do dead cows get buried?

Cattlecombs

πŸ‘︎ 200
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/89iroc
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2019
🚨︎ report
You'll be buried with small pupils if you pass away before dusk.

But not if you die late.

πŸ‘︎ 92
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gold_hatted_lover
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2019
🚨︎ report
How will Juice Wrld be buried?

In a Juice box.

(Forgive me if too soon)

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bbm72
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2019
🚨︎ report
So I was passing by a cemetery with my dad today, and he turns to me and goes, "You know, people living in Denver can't be buried there" and I look at him and ask him "Why?"

He looks at me and says "Because they aren't dead yet".

πŸ‘︎ 43
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ScumbagCoov
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the undertaker say when he realized he'd buried the wrong coffin?

I've made a grave mistake

πŸ‘︎ 38
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MakeMeADonut
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2019
🚨︎ report
My dad was buried alive...

He was in grave danger!

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SmyleKyleSmyle
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2019
🚨︎ report
"Dad: 'Did you know that all the people who live around here aren't allowed to be buried in that cemetery?'

me: 'Really? why not?' dad: 'Because they're not dead yet.'

πŸ‘︎ 842
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LordDobbington
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2018
🚨︎ report
"Whenever we drive past a graveyard my dad says, 'Do you know why I can’t be buried there?' And we all say, 'Why not?' And he says, 'Because I’m not dead yet!'”
πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheLazyMemers
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Mao Zedong wasn’t buried

His body lies in a Maosoleum

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Roadrunner_Alex11
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2019
🚨︎ report
I had a dream about being buried by vodka bottles after an earthquake!

It was an Absolut nightmare! I am glad to have woken and seen the world and Skyy again...

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Bread and buried
πŸ‘︎ 122
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Randyotter
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2017
🚨︎ report
While driving past a graveyard I turn to my passenger and say β€œThat’s a really nice graveyard but they won’t let me be buried there”

and when they ask why not, as they will:

BECAUSE I’M NOT DEAD YET.

Got my daughter with this once a couple of years ago; she’s still mad about falling for it.

Gotten my girlfriend with it TWICE. Yeah, she’s a blonde.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SomeDumbGuyFromMD
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a Mexican’s toe that was buried

A burrito

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Da-hamste
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2019
🚨︎ report
The state just called to say they buried my grandpa in the wrong cemetery

Looks like they've made a grave mistake!

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Eriflee
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2018
🚨︎ report
Today I found out the guy who invented the crossword puzzle is buried at my local cemetery

If you're looking for the headstone go 9 down 3 across.

I don't quite recall his name...

I think I was P something T something something...

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2019
🚨︎ report
My farmer next door wanted to buried in his products...

now he rests in peas.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Johnnymonny1991
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the Ancient Egyptian mummy they found buried with chocolate?

They identified him as Pharaoh Rocher.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/aidanadriana
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the man buried alive accidentally?

It was a grave mistake.

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KOB-STR
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2017
🚨︎ report
I was driving with my dad when we passed a cemetery. My dad goes in a low, dark, creepy voice, "I know something about this cemetery that you don’t.” And I was like what is it? He continued, "The people living in this town can’t be buried here.” I was really confused so I asked why?

He rasped, "Cuz they’re still alive!"

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2019
🚨︎ report
When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it...

The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave.

Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.

When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards."

He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony, and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling."

So the magistrate kept listening, "There's the Seventh... the Sixth... the Fifth..."

Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate.

He stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Beethoven decomposing."

πŸ‘︎ 255
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Anyone can be buried after they die...

But if you wanna get cremated, you've gotta urn it.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Wanna know why I can't be buried in a cemetery?

I'm still alive

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TJPancaker
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2019
🚨︎ report
How many dead people do you think are buried in that cemetery?

All of them

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DIVINExGXD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2016
🚨︎ report
People living in our town aren't allowed to be buried in any cemetery.

Probably because they're still alive

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2019
🚨︎ report
To the person who buried the wrong body:

You made a grave mistake.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sum_buddy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2019
🚨︎ report

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