Broke ny finger today

On the other hand i am ok

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ahmed8117600
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
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A horse broke into my room while I was asleep.

It was a nightmare.

πŸ‘︎ 117
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WinterWolf041
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
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I once dated two girls called Edith and Kate. Kate found out and told Edith that I was dating both of them at the same time. They both broke up with me on the very same day!

Moral of the story is you can’t have your Kate and Edith too

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/redirishlad
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
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I broke up with my girlfriend of 5 years because I found out she was a communist.

I should have known, there were red flags everywhere.

πŸ‘︎ 22k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JBiff09
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
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Someone broke into my house last night and stole my limbo trophy

How low can you go?

πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lolyfe-dc
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
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My daughter broke her finger today,

but on the other hand she was completely fine.

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theuselessfuck
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
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She broke up with me while we were swimming in Egypt

I’m still in de-Nile

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AudenWolfe
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
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My gf broke up with me due to my inability to express my feelings.

Can't say I'm surprised

πŸ‘︎ 239
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πŸ‘€︎ u/i_am_dan17
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
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Every machine in the coin factory broke down all of a sudden without explanation.

It just doesn’t make any cents.

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lolyfe-dc
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I broke up with my boyfriend because I realised he’s a communist

Now that I look back, there were a lot of red flags

πŸ‘︎ 357
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vicki_vicki
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the sniper say to his girlfriend after they broke up?

I won't miss you!

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Santosh_Devadiga
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Last night a thief broke into the shoe factory.

He was the sole perpetrator.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Golden365
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
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My girlfriend broke up with me when she found out I only have 9 toes

She was lack toes intolerant

πŸ‘︎ 177
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ode_majka
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2020
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My belt broke, so I used my watch strap to fix it.

They fell down anyway. What a waist of time.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2020
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Broke up with my girlfriend after telling her I loved her.

She told me she loves U2, I just can't be with someone with a bad taste in music.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PoweRz-
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
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My brother just admitted that he broke my favourite lamp

I'm not sure I'll be able look at him in the same light ever again

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lolyfe-dc
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
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I have a co-worker who claimed for years that he hates Christmas. He finally broke down and told me he secretly loves it, he just has a reputation to maintain.

He finally came out of the Santa Claus-et.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/barthm1
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
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Just happened: my contractor broke a window during our nearly complete renovation

He turned to me and said it's no problem. At this stage it's just a pane.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/1kings2214
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
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I broke my finger last week.

On the other hand I'm ok.

πŸ‘︎ 119
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dreadaussie
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
🚨︎ report
A man broke his leg in three places. He went to his doctor for advice.

β€œStop going to those places!”

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cabbithunt
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Broke a leg , it hurts so much

Had to take my friend to the hospital

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Salvatoz
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
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A midget psychic broke out of jail.

It’s a small medium at large situation.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VictorHelios1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2020
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My wheelchair bound girlfriend broke up with me.

I think it was because she couldn’t stand me.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
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As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he broke down into tears.

He turned towards me and said, "One would've been enough, son."

πŸ‘︎ 924
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_joshi_
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2020
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I threw some pills and accidentally broke one of my windows.

I didn’t realize they were pane killers.

πŸ‘︎ 83
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
🚨︎ report
A bartender broke up with her boyfriend

but he kept asking her for another shot.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lolyfe-dc
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Where did the pear go when it was broke

To the re-pear shop.

Credit goes to my friend who is a dad, and thought this was original.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MOSTLYNICE
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
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two exes were tied together by a string but it broke

guess there was too much tension between them

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/squintyeyes101
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
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A thief broke into a guy's house, stole his stuff, killed the man, and turned him into a large cup…

… he was mugged.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KonoAnonDa
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend broke up with me so i stole her wheelchair

Guess who came crawling back

πŸ‘︎ 193
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πŸ‘€︎ u/macdemsugar
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2020
🚨︎ report
One of the Russian acrobats in our human pyramid has broke his back.

We didn’t have Oleg to stand on.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_houser
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I just broke my finger...

But on the other hand, I’m okay.

πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lickslicki538
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
🚨︎ report
My son's pet frog broke his leg yesterday

He was very unhoppy

πŸ‘︎ 129
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ineedapapaya
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the broke guy order at the strip club’s β€˜legs β€˜n’ eggs’ show?

A pair of frittatas.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JumpinJaccFlash
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
🚨︎ report
It wasn’t much fun when I broke my neck in an accident a few months ago.

But now I can look back and laugh.

πŸ‘︎ 211
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2020
🚨︎ report
A man was enjoying his burger when someone broke the news to him that it was made out of 'Horse Meat'. Suddenly he went into a fit and started choking. Two hours upon rushing him to the hospital........

.......His condition is now known to be 'Stable'

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ball5deeper
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a judge who broke the law?

Criminal Justice

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Der-Kommissar-III
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2020
🚨︎ report
When Cheech and Chong broke up...

I wonder if they had to fight over joint custody?

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kerlandays
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
🚨︎ report
This just in: 2 men broke into the city bank using nothing more than a few mannequin limbs.

Officials say we are dealing with an armed robbery

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
🚨︎ report
The strap broke off my Covid respirator...

...but I was able to fix it with masking tape.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend broke up with me after she discovered I only have 9 toes

She was lack toes intolerant

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/baconlover09
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
🚨︎ report
A bartender broke up with her boyfriend, but...

. . . He kept asking for another shot.

πŸ‘︎ 66
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πŸ‘€︎ u/saiyyanwarrior
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Someone broke into my garage last night and stole my limbo stick!

How could they go so low?

πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kriskidd21
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
🚨︎ report
My pet frog broke his leg this morning...

He’s very unhoppy.

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2020
🚨︎ report

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