Boss's Day Puns

I said it must be my weekend immune system

so I went home.

“You herd me!"

It was a real paradigm shift.

I said, "Can’t say for sure, it’s so hard to keep track!"

"Of course", he replied. "Take the afternoon off."

When I returned to work the next day, my boss came to my desk. "Well, how'd it go? Is it a boy or a girl?"

"I dunno", I said, "I'll tell you in nine months."

Oh shit, wrong sub!

I'm feeling a little over the weather.

Boss: No problem.

(3 days later)

James: Boss, my brother is in town. I need the day off.

Boss: Wait a second...

cuz he gotta pay the bill

There is this black guy who details cars in our parking lot for the surrounding businesses. My boss was coming back from lunch and noticed this gentleman needed help starting his client's car, so my boss got his cables out and gave the man a jump. When he told the office this I said "Thank you for putting an end to the stereotype that white men can't jump." Everyone gave a collective "ugh!"

So we all went out to the bar !

I told him I was being counterproductive

"Sorry boss... I just can't keep up! You told me to give each Elmo two test tickles!"

Was working on a high end home, just trying to hide a wire that went out to a wine cooler, and my boss accidentally pulls the cord out and says,

"Sorry fridge!"

Without skipping a beat, I reply,

"Don't worry, it's cool!"

I'm no dad, but he is, and he thought it was hilarious, and that he would tell his wife that one later.

Employee: Hey Quinton (boss), there's a new guy named Quin starting soon. Boss: He won't be as good as me though. Me: Is it because you're a TON better? The look he gave me was priceless.

So I went home

I said it must be my weekend immune system

I said sure and headed home

Farmer: What did you say?

Sheep: You herd me.

so I went home.

... so I went home.

So, I went home.

So I went home

So I went home!

...so I went home.

So I packed up my stuff and went home.

So I went home!