What kind of drink can be bitter and sweet?

Reali-tea

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jaxerfp
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
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Why was the man bitter?

Because his pH was greater than 7.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lyreoz
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2020
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He espresso’d himself well in the last part. Not bitter at all!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gehhhh
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2019
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Bitter coffee
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πŸ‘€︎ u/acadiel
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2017
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I always used to mistype the word 'bitter'.

I've gotten better.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2019
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My dad came up to me and said, β€œyour mom and I have been married for so long, we are on our 4th bottle of bitters”
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The--Dudest
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2019
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I'm pretty bitter about having nothing to cut my wood with

You could say I'm a saw loser.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ask-a-physicist
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2016
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I ordered an Italian salad, and it didn't even have any of that bitter, red, cabbage-like stuff...

How utterly radicchio-less.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sickmission
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2018
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Why is bok choy bitter?

Because baby bok choy gets all the attention.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/El_Jefe_21
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2019
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Spring is acting like a bitter ex-wife.

I just wanna see my sun!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kekehippo
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2018
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A string goes into a bar and orders a beer. Bartender says "Sorry, we don't serve strings here, mate". String goes out, loops itself and frazzles the bitter end. Goes back in the bar and the bartender says "Aren't you that string from a few minutes ago?"

Which came the reply "Nope, I'm a frayed knot."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rocknocker
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2018
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So, I hear that Maybelline and Loreal are bitter enemies.

I really hope they "make-up."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Godzilla_KOM
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2018
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Noah's berries.

It's not well known that among the species of plants taken aboard Noah's Ark was a very odd berry. This berry had a special property where if you ate too few at once they would be sour, but if you ate too many at once they would be bitter. Even stranger was that the right number of berries to eat at once for perfect sweetness was different for each person.

Shem would never take enough berries and would complain every time "Ugh! These berries are so sour! Why did we bring these plants?" Noah would reply "I've told you over and over, you need to eat a couple more in a mouthful to make them sweet."

Ham would always take too many berries and would complain every time "Ick! These berries are so bitter! I'd like to toss the plants overboard." Noah would reply "I've told you over and over, you need to eat fewer in a mouthful to make them sweet."

Japeth would grab a random amount and whenever they were bitter or sour he'd complain "Why do these berries never taste the same? We should let the animals eat the plants so we don't have to eat the silly berries." Noah would reply "I've told you over and over, you should remember how many berries taste the best."

After a couple of weeks of this, Noah announced "I'm taking charge of portioning the berries. I've made notes of how many of them taste the best for me, my wife, all of you my sons, and your wives. At meals I'll give each of you the correct amount, and NO MORE COMPLAINTS!"

Another week passed and Japeth wanted some berries to take the edge off his hunger, but rather than wander all over the whole ark looking for his father he asked Emzara "Where's dad? I'd like some berries before lunch."

Emzara pointed to the storeroom and said "I thought you were tired of the berries? But there's Noah, counting for taste."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GreggAlan
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2021
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I was brewing my first batch of beer with a friend and he told me to add the seed cones that are used primarily as a bittering, flavoring, and stability agents.

I hopped to it!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2020
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Did you hear about the angry pancake?

He just flipped.

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
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Just went in to Starbucks and the barista was wearing a face mask.

I asked "Why are you wearing a surgical mask?"

She said "I'm not, it's a coughy filter."

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/icebucketwood
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2020
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My wife gave me an ultimatum. It was either her or my addiction to sweets.

The decision was a piece of cake.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2020
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A recipe for a good relationship

My wife and daughter are working on improving the meringue cookie recipe they are using.

I asked if the batter was better and my wife said yes.

So I asked if it had enough sugar or if it was a bitter better batter.

The look on her face was priceless!

I reminded her that she knew my sense of humor before she married me and went through with it anyway.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MikeyRidesABikey
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
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I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me

What kind of drink can be bitter and sweet? Reali-tea.

Hehe

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thachickenchaser
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
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Almost got arrested for pouring myself a coffee this morning.

It was mugged.

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πŸ“…︎ May 24 2020
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My wife is really mad that I don’t have a sense of direction

So I packed up my stuff and right!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/viv137
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2020
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What does Lela_chan have in common with coffee?

We're both bitter and drunk in the mornings.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lela_chan
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
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I like my women like I like my coffee

I’ve never had coffee but it smells nice.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Frooski-Boi
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2018
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What do you call a depressed vegetable

Despairagus

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HazelTazel
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2019
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Arguments are like Beers

They can both be bitter

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Enagon
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2020
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I like my coffee like I like my women

Fast to wake me up when there’s donuts!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vinnyblanc00
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2019
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I like German sausage, but its puns are the wurst.

Don't be bitter about dank puns. Danke. Bitte.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/3RfEKutS
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2020
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Pulled some culinary joke on my Girlfriend.

We were making pancake mix and it was a little thick, so I was pouring milk and stirring to get a better consistency. Once I got a good mix she said

"That's better"

I look up and say

"No, that's batter"

She hit me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/War_Messiah
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2016
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I crashed my bike into a lemon tree last week

It's left me feeling bitter and twisted

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πŸ‘€︎ u/snakesinfur
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2020
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What do you call a sad cup of coffee?

A depresso

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πŸ‘€︎ u/yabsterr
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2019
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It's 2:00am on January 1st where I live.

I haven't slept since last year and I'm EXHAUSTED!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LordHussyPants
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2014
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You're a lot like an IPA

You're bitter, but I like you.

(credit to my coworker who is a walking, talking dad joke)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vouksh
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2019
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What happened when the beer got divorced?

It became bitter.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dr-forking-crane
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2019
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This happened at a recent Easter party at my wife’s colleague’s house:

It was a party mostly with parents and their children.

A kid (about 5 years old) stubbed his toe and started crying.

One of the dads said, β€œOh, you stubbed your toe? Want to to call the toe truck?”

I know it’s not fresh, but I laughed my ass off and was slightly bitter that I didn’t think of it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Papa-heph
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2019
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My dad gave us this

My folks came up to visit. My mom flubbed the coffee, putting the grounds in the water chamber and she had to disassemble it and clean it before making coffee. Once we had piping hot cups all around my dad chimes in with this:

"You know, messing up the coffee is grounds for divorce."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jaberkaty
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2014
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What’s the emotion called when a vampire has a deep feeling or anxiety about biting someone?

Fangst.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jeremy_k1976
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2018
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Man walks into a bar...

Says to the landlord "A pint of bitter please". Gets his beer & says "I shouldn't be having this with wot I've got". Landlord says "wots that then?" Man says "15p"!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Estarwoo
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2019
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I used to wage footsie wars

But I don’t like the bitter taste of de-feet

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πŸ‘€︎ u/G0415
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2019
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Old Fashioned

Some might call it old fashioned but I enjoy my bourbon with a dash of bitters and a sugar cube

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πŸ‘€︎ u/iFuJ
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2015
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Did you hear that the Lemon and the Orange divorced?

The Lemon was very bitter.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigfoothobbit
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2017
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What kind of drink can be bitter and sweet?

Reali-tea....

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dani_SF
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2020
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I like my coffee like I like my women...

Without a penis.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Creeds_a_Maybe
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2018
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