I said I love the Reverse Flash on Barry Allen's subreddit

I received the fastest ban alive.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ebatm3
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
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Barry, Robin and Maurice Gibb wanted to start a gangster rap group

They really wanted to be Gs

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πŸ‘€︎ u/midy-dk
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2020
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Was Jack Black? Was Barry white? Was George Strait? Was Marvin Gay?

Sure makes Stevie Wonder.

πŸ‘︎ 883
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2019
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My friend Barry drew me. But Iβ€˜m not insulted because..

I Drew Barrymore

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πŸ‘€︎ u/-starwing-
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2020
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Barry's Berry
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jackattack99
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2017
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Barry B. Benson's favourite line in Hamlet? To bee or not to bee.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/coffinedude
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2019
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Where do you Barry a dead cow

The cattlecombs

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pinkish-pandas
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2019
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I got kicked out of the museum for taking a picture of barry allen

Apparently they have a no flash photography rule

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spiderkc
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2018
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πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrinkingCyanide
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2018
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Did you hear that Barry Bonds and Roger Clements didn’t make the hall of fame?

Eh, they had their shot.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kcg5
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2018
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My Dad went out with a couple of guys called Barry Allen the other night.

He said it turned into a flash mob.

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2017
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Musical puns.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cadaverkitten94
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
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My wife groaned at this one (Not in the sexy way either...)

One of my wife's bosses is from China with the family name Wong.

Wife was telling me that said boss just had a baby a few months ago.

(At this moment, my dad powers started kicking in...)

Me: "Huh, that's cool. When her husband visits the office next time, you should ask them if the baby's Caucasian."

Wife: "What?! Why?"

Me: Cause I wanna know if two 'Wongs' make a 'White'..."

Her eyes rolled so hard they detached.

Edit: Thanks for front page folks! Glad I could make you laugh (or groan...)

Edit 2: Thank you for the gold!

Edit 3: WIFE'S IN THE THREAD!! Abort! Abort! Wee woo wee woo wee woo

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hephaestus1219
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2015
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During sex you burn as much calories as running for 5 miles.

Who the hell runs 5 miles in 30 seconds?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/viperfour
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2019
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Occasionally I drew Carey

but I drew Barry more

πŸ‘︎ 85
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SayLittleDoMuch
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2019
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Why is Peter Pan always flying?

He neverlands.

πŸ‘︎ 82
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mcab00
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2019
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I met the world’s greatest security guard the other day. When I asked him the secret, he said it was all in his name.

Barry R.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DenialTwister
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2020
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I want a gay son.

http://imgur.com/gallery/QeW3gl4

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xxrepresent
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2015
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Guy walks into a bar with his dog and the bartender says β€œI’m sorry sir, we don’t allow dogs in here.” Guy says β€œThis is no ordinary dog. This dog can speak.”

Bartender says β€œSure... If you say so. Now please leave.”

Guy says, β€œNo really I can prove it.” *turns to dog * β€œDog, what is on top this building?” Dog goes β€œRoof.”

Bartender says β€œVery clever. Now I’ll ask you again: will you please leave?”

Guy goes β€œNo no seriously! Listen to this: Dog, what is the texture of sandpaper?” Dog goes β€œRuff.”

Bartender says β€œThis is the last time I’m going to tell you!”

Guy says β€œWait wait please. Dog who is the greatest baseball player of all time?” Dog replies β€œRuth”

Bartender: β€œGet out! I’m calling the authorities!”

Guy and dog leave.

Outside dog turns to guy and says β€œJeez. Maybe I should have said Barry Bonds.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/schneckesweets
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2019
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How does the Flash like his eggs?

Runny

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OthelolzNZ
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2016
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My brothers hate me and my mom might well be on her way to disowning me because I told them the Flash didn't need to get shocked by lighting...

since he was already Barry fast.

^(sighs)

My dad however, is very proud of me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/leonoraMTY
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2016
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Pearl Harbor of puns

If your onion sang hip-hop, would that be a rapscallion?

I used to be an astronaut, but I got tired of eating out of satellite dishes. I wasn't allowed to eat the Milky Way, even though I had to look at it every day. The worst thing was, I never got to visit The Space Bar. Then, when I was visiting the dark side of the moon, I was bitten by a parasite. Now, you might think it's crazy, but the doctor who removed it called it a lunar-tick.

If "womb" is pronounced "woom" and "tomb" is pronounced "toom", shouldn't "bomb" be pronounced "boom"?

China recently tested a new steroid. It basically turns you into The Hulk. The side effect is it could turn you into a crazed zombie that tends to rip the upper extremities from people. People are saying that this could be the zombie apocalypse. In my opinion, lips have nothing to do with it. I call it ARMageddon. The only way to stay safe now is to not let anyone close enough to disarm you.

I recently was going to join the railroad union. I decided against it because it's complicated. If I received instruction on driving the locomotive, would they call it engineering, or training?

I got a sad story about a flower. I don't know who the heck she pissed off, but damn, now she's a Black-Eyed Susan.

I finally figured out what makes leaves angry. Fall. They get so mad they change color. Some are yellow. They're just afraid and run from their problems. The other ones usually just leave.

I went parachuting with my military buddies once. We landed on a department store. I told him I think we're at the wrong coordinates. He said: "Nope. We're right on Target"

I asked a psychologist if Native Americans have strong emotions. He said "Oh yeah, they're intense".

If a psychotic person thought something made sense, would that thought be psychological?

If Matt Damon were searching for a secondhand store, would he be Goodwill Hunting?

My friend is a Marksman for the military. One day, he went to the armory and asked for 3 snipers. They gave him a candy bar. It was a 3 Musketeers.

I want to be there if Dwayne Johnson ever uses a pizza stone. That way I can smell what "The Rock" is cookin'.

Christopher bought a lemon, and the car broke down. Now Christopher Walken.

Have you heard about the latest bank battle on Wall Street? Capital One and Chase got in a fight and Capital One.

You know what a pirate says to his wenches when he sees the shoreline? "LAND HO!"

A man finds a lamp in the desert and dusts it off. Poof! A genie p

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PraetorSolaris
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2019
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Dad jokes are worldwide

I'm brazilian and in Brazilian portuguese is very common to ask something from someone (mainly food) by saying "me dΓ‘ um pouco/pouquinho disso?" (which means "would you give me a little of that?")

Everytime I do that to my dad, he uses two fingers to take the tiniest possible slice of the thing and give to me in my hand or plate with the most serious face possible. If I complain he procceeds to say something like "you asked a little, didn't you?". My mom everytime laughs at that.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lKauany
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2013
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Two Farms

There was two farms next to each other, separated by a long fence. The two farmers were called nick and Barry. They were both very resourceful farmers, using each and every square inch of land to grow on. Both would tend to their crops twice a day every single day, and became friends. However, both farmers were penny pinchers, and would often try and take a few extra crops from the other side of the fence, which lead to arguments. One day, Barry came out to tend his crops, but nick did not appear once. This continued for several days. Both sets of crops continued to grow, along and up the fence, eventually intertwining. Both farmers were growing wheat. After around 5 days, Barry came out and to his delight, saw nick tending to his harvest. However, this delight soon changed to frustration as he saw nick taking extra crops from his side. "Where have you been, and what do you think you're doing?" He exclaimed. "I'm taking in my wheat, and I haven't been out for a few days due to illness. I've been feeling queasy and dizzy when I stand up, with a throbbing pain in my head each time. But it's ok, they're only headaches." "Oh I don't think so mister" said Barry.

"Those are my grains!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/harryjrogers20
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2019
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Looking for Shark Name puns

Creating a superhero for a project in english and we came up with the Loan Shark, just need names for what he goes by when he isn't fighting student debt. We thought Finn for his first name, but can't come up with anything else.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/r_slash_squid
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2016
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What did the father melon say to his son melon when he found out he was going to run away and get married

You cantaloupe

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2016
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BEE PUNS

Hey guys, I am working on a video project for AP Calc and am doing the bee move, but everytime they say bee a formula is introduced, then the next time an example. We are writing the formulas on yellow paper and writing in black sharpies because black amd yellow, black and yellow, black and yellow, ahh yellow and black. Anyqay, I need space fillers on the sheets of paper, so bee puns! I need a bunch, so do your thing!

We are also dressing up in bee costumes to take pictures of the formulas amd photoshopping our teachers face onto Barry Bee Benson

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jmm8398
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2017
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Coming out of the closet, dad joke style.

Found this one on r/comics, and thought dadjokes would appreciate it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/EatATaco
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2013
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I spoiled my dad's original dad joke so I think he had to improvise

My dad: "We have a guy at work whose name is Barry Blue. Guess what we call him?"

Me: "I don't know. Blueberry?"

My dad: "..no.. We call him Barry. Why would we call him Blueberry? He might get mad".

ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chornu
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2015
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My girlfriend loves me, I swear.

We've been watching the Flash, which is awful TV at its finest. You'd expect anyone to watch this to enjoy some good punnery, but that's not the case. I texted this to my girlfriend and got a condescending "Oh, honey..." in response.

My text: "If someone sculpted Barry Allen out of clay, you could call him Adobe Flash."

I swear she loves me but I don't always know why.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/poorloko
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2016
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Thanks to the following individuals for helping persuade me to become vegan ... (xpost /r/vegetarian)

Thanks to the following individuals for helping persuade me to become vegan:

Ron Acerous, Sal Amander, Herb Avore, Chic Adee, Al Bacore, Paul R Baer, Al Batros, Wally Bee, Lady Bugg, Jay Byrd, Ann Chovie, Anna Condra, Barry Cuda, Terry Dactyl, Ray N Deer, Flo N Der , Erma Dillo, Ann Enome, Terry Err, Liz Erd, Ann Fibian, Dale Finn, Redd Fox, Buddy Fly, Ken Garoo, Allie Gator, Billy Goat, Pan Guin, Ann Gus, Hal Ibut, Bob Katz, Tom Katz, Anne Kelosaurous, Don Key, Ann T. Lope, Moe Lusk, C. Lyon, Chip Monk, Flo Mingo, Sal Mon, Anna Mull, Barr Nicole, Kay Nine, Kyle Otee, Al Paca, Lia Pard, Millie Pede, Ellie Phant, Arthur Podd, Jack Rabbit, Gerry Raffe, Ty Ranaceourous, Mack Rell, Wally Rus, Jack Russel, Fez Sant, Dina Sauer, Drew Sophila, Chris Station, Hal Steen, Clyde Sudale, Ann Teeter, Pan Ther, Earl Thurfworm, Tara Ann Tula, Bea Tule, Ray Venn, Bea Ver, and Beau Vine.

I couldn't have done it without your support !!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheStupidVegNoob
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2016
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Literally every time we go to a restaurant

Waiter/Waitress: Hi, my name is [insert name here] and I'll be your server.

Dad: Hi, my name is Barry and I'll be your customer.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/evthehustler
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2014
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Dad just came out with this one as we're working.

Dad: Have you been to a duckdo?

Barry: What's a duckdo?

Dad: Quack quack.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nOkiia
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2014
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What will you do if The Flash dies?

You Barry him.

πŸ‘︎ 93
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πŸ‘€︎ u/superbboiz
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2017
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I hope to be this dad someday.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VideoJaymes
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2015
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Out of the closet (x-post comics)

http://www.cheerupemokid.com/comic/closet

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spam4119
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2013
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