What does Keith Urban drive when he can’t find his car?

Suburban

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sf340flier
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2021
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Did you hear that Mick Jagger and Keith Richards had a huge falling out because Mick wouldn't stop speaking in broken Spanish?

When asked about it in an interview, Mick confirmed that "The Rolling Stones gather no mas"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mr_robototoro
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2020
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If Keith Urban loves country music so much ...

Why doesn't he change his name to Keith Rural?

(From "The Glass House" TV series compendium book.)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/drozzi007
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2019
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It’s weird that Keith Urban sings country music. reddit.com/r/Showerthough…
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2019
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Keith Urban is a dad

He's judging on American Idol and one contestant says "I'm going to sing Somewhere Over the Rainbow" and Keith suggest "You should sing it here"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/USCgamecocks
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2015
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Why would you never see Keith Richards picking lichens?

Because a rolling stone gathers no moss

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πŸ‘€︎ u/alx924
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2017
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Someone stole my friend David's ID

So now he's just Dav

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bennyhana_911
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2020
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One day, Kermit the Frog was a little short on cash, so he went to the bank to speak to a loan officer...

When he got there, a woman extended her hand.

"Good afternoon, sir," she said. "My name is Patricia Wack. How may I help you today?"

Kermit replied, "Hi-ho, Patricia! I'm Kermit the Frog, and I would like to borrow some money."

They walked over to her desk and sat down.

"Certainly, Mr. Frog--"

"Oh, just call me Kermit."

"Okay... Kermit. How much money would you like to borrow?"

"Ten thousand dollars."

Mildly surprised, Ms. Wack looked intently at Kermit.

"Do you have any references?"

"Well, I suppose I could use my father, Keith Richards."

Ms. Wack froze for a second, then...

"THE Keith Richards?"

"Oh, yes. In fact, he told me he's friends with your manager, which is why I came in here."

"Okay... Do you have any collateral?"

"Excuse me?"

"Collateral. Something of value, like a car, or a boat..."

"Oh, yes! I do have something. I have this."

Kermit reached into his briefcase and placed a small figurine on the desk. Patricia looked curiously at the object, then at our amphibious friend.

"What's this?"

"It's a Hummel."

"A what?"

"A Hummel. They're supposed to be quite valuable. Well, at least this one is to me."

She picked up the Hummel and stood up.

"If you don't mind, I would like to show this to the manager."

"Oh, no! I don't mind at all!"

So, Patricia took the Hummel to the manager's office, knocked on the door, and walked inside.

"Patricia! What can I do for you?"

"Mr. Wilson, there's this... frog named Kermit at my desk, and he wants to borrow $10,000, but he has only this for collateral."

Mr. Wilson looked at the Hummel, then out to her desk.

"I don't see anything out of order here."

"But, Mr. Wilson--"

"Look, it's a knick-knack, Patty Wack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/norrisrw
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2019
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Forget kale.

What are Keith Richards and Betty White eating?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2019
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A frog walks into a bank.

He approaches the teller, Ms. Ursula Paddywhack. He says he needs a loan.

"What for?" asks the teller.

"I want to build a house," the frog replies. "Nothing too fancy, but I want $20,000."

"Do you have any collateral?" asks the teller.

The frog takes out a small crystal horse. "Would this be enough?"

"No, that's not enough," the teller replies. "Do you have anything else?"

"My father is Keith Richards," says the frog.

The teller, unsure what to do, goes to the bank manager. She describes the entire situation and asks for advice. The manager says,

"It's a knick-knack, Paddywhack. Give the frog a loan! His old man's a Rolling Stone."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ItsNinety
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2019
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wife: "if there are any spirits here please show us a sign"

me:

wife:

me:

wife: "keith, say something"

me: "i'm scared"

[glass starts to move on ouija board]

H I S C A R E D

me: "goddamnit dad"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jbhelms
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2018
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What's the name of a locksmith with a lisp?

Keith

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2018
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Brady Haran is gonna be a great dad

Keith: The weights and measures of Great Britain go right back to medieval times and all of these weights and measures were stored by command in the Palace of Westminster. Of course, in the 19th century the whole lot burned down, so Britain lost its weights and measures effectively.

Brady: Would that be an example of… mass destruction?

 

Sauce: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T26Cw77Bco0&t=2m59s

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlastFX2
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2015
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