My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm, and by mistake I gave her a tube of Super Glue.

It’s been a week now and she’s still not talking to me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/joachim_s
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
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A duck walks into a chemist and says, "Do you have any lip balm?"

Chemist says, "Sure, that'll be 95 cents!"

Duck: "Put it on my bill please."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/El_Sidgio
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
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The Utter Balm
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πŸ‘€︎ u/diamondchewtoy
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2020
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Pritt is not the best lip balm I've ever used

But I couldn't complain

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πŸ‘€︎ u/st_jimmy_02
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2020
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My wife really knows how to hold a grudge, she asked for a tube of lip balm and I accidentally gave her a tub of glue

She still isn’t talking to me

PS. This is a cross post from r/ShittyLifeProTips

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AjIsMySlave
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2018
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It's getting cold outside, remember your balm. imgur.com/pMgaTmL
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CamelSandwich
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2016
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Wife: 'Have you seen my lip balm?'

Me: 'Aww, are your lovely lips feelin' like cowboy hips?'
her: '...What?'
Me: '.... Chapped?'

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πŸ‘€︎ u/StretchSmiley
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2018
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Helped my wife with a few of the labels for some homemade hand scrub and lip balm she made as Xmas presents.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/han_so_low
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2013
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I got this new chapstick today...

It's the balm

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tron4
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2017
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A duck walks into the pharmacy to purchase chapstick

And asks the cashier to put it on his bill

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ogbluebatman
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2017
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idk why i'm wasting my life making up jokes

Women really know how to hold a grudge. My wife asked me to pass her a lip balm. And by mistake, I gave her a tube of Super Glue. It’s been a month now and she’s still not speaking to me!

need upvotes pls

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mhayes69123
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2019
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What did the terrorist say to the pilot with chapped lips?

"I have a balm!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bryceguy72
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2018
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Dad: cmon son just try some. Son: Dad, why do you want me to try this chapstick so bad???

Dad: because it’s the balm!

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2018
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What do you call really awesome chapstick?

The balm.

Edit: My wife's response:

"God you're such a dork."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MattAU05
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2016
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Classic Dad.

Tonight my family goes out for Chinese. Its winter. My mom drops lip-balm mid-use and cannot find it. "Can anyone see my chapstick?" she asks. "You can use mine!" says dad with a shit-eating grin on his face and a chopstick in his hand.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dotes-son
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2014
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My boyfriend dropped this one on me.

Me: I had a little time to kill before my meeting, so I picked up a couple lip balms since I'm running out.

Him: Your lips are going to explode if you keep putting all these bombs on them!

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2013
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Homophones are dad joke bait.

So my daughter is sick and has been taking antibiotics for the past week. These antibiotics cause some unwanted side effects (unholy diarrhea) that require us to put a paste on her butt that keeps it from getting chapped. This lead to the following brief exchange between my wife and I:

(While she was changing an explosive diaper)

Her: Have you seen the butt balm?

Me: Yeah, it's right there in her diaper...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PivotalPixel
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2014
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What do you say when someone gives you their chapstick?

You are the balm!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/p-dish
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2013
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My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm, I gave her superglue.

She is still not speaking to me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PatriotASR
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
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My girlfriend asked me to pass her the lip balm, I gave her superglue by mistake.

She’s still not talking to me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AnythingIsContent
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2019
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Women really know how to hold grudges over the smallest things. My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm, and by mistake, I gave her a tube of Super Glue.

It's been a week now and she's still not talking to me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/simplyGagi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2019
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My wife asked me to pass her lip balm...

I have her super glue by mistake. She’s still not talking to me!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KetoNun
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2019
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My wife asked me to pass her lip balm, but I gave her superglue instead...

She's still not talking to me...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2018
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Women really know how to hold a grudge over the simpelest things. My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm, and by mistake, I gave her a tube of Super Glue

It's been a week and she's still not talking to me

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Obsidi3
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2018
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My wife asked for her lip balm but I handed her superglue by mistake....she’s still not talking to me.
πŸ‘︎ 57
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gmaxis
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2018
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