Alcohol dependence Puns

he later leaves the bar, because he realizes that his alcohol dependence is driving a wedge between him and his family. After a while he returns to the bar, because he was so drunk that he forgot his wallet their. He then drives home, crashes into his own front lawn, knocks on the door, to find his wife standing their with a bread roller in hand. She asks him, "are you drunk you swine?!" he replies, "no ma'am, I just forgot my wallet at the bar, so I had to swing back and get it....because I was their getting drunk, I'm sorry for lying to you officer..." his wife then leaves him and goes to the same bar to get drunk.... his entire family consists of alcoholics...

"How can I have 'S'MORE' if I haven't had any yet?" then he breaks into this fake laugh that sounds like a higher pitched Santa "ho hoo hoo ho" and we are all stuck shaking our heads and (depending on alcohol levels) laughing our butts off.