Accord Puns

Cyan Aura.

Oops... sorry, wrong thread !

The bartender comes to him and says 'you look different now, is anything wrong'

Pirate: 'Oh nothing'

'What about your leg, where did it go'

'I boarded a ship, slipped and it got eaten by a shark'

'What about the hook, where did the hand go'

'I lost it in a heated swordfight'

'Then how did you get the eyepatch'

'I was cleaning the deck and a bird pooped in it'

'That doesn't make any sense, how can you get an eyepatch from a bird pooping in your eye'

'It was my first day with the hook'

It’s a mail dominated industry.

and yet according to Kraft Dinner, I’m a 4-person family

According to a recent survey, 8 out of 10 people agree that they make up 80% of the population.

There is only 3 days till Xmas.

But i like to have sex on my own Accord

Alcohol is a solution.

They also have Alien, Alien 3 and Alien Resurrection - all on DVD.

I said no, it's okay I have Contacts
He said "I don't give a damn who you think you know"

It’s considered to be a personal fowl.

It will be my Civic duty.

From now on no joke will be published without their scents of humour.

Never get over it.

Fünf.

It’s the first Indie movie.

To clarify, WHO let the dogs out

Dad: That’s sound advice.

What follows is a transcription of our conversation

Me: I hope he helps his patients find Accord in their lives

Her: Well therapy is only one Element to success

Me: He's just doing his Civic duty

Her: He gives them Clarity and Insight

Me: On their Odyssey through life

...according to the dictionary.

people who are mean tend to be average.

It’s an extremely rare dish order.

She says she either feels very manic, or quite depressed - never a happy medium.

(According to my facebook memories, I made this one up 7 years ago!)

Police say they're still at Large

This made him the Centaur for Disease Control.

I forgot to brush my teeth...

I should have taken it with a grain of salt

Tennessee

That's the most stupidest thing that I've ever heard.

He always said i took up space in school.

That makes ketchup a smoothie!

They aren’t having a gay old time anymore.

« What is the best death according to you ?

• I think the best way to go is to die like my grandfather... he fell asleep and never woke up.

• Dying in your sleep is indeed said to be the best way to go. So what do you consider the worst way to die ?

• Like my grandfather’s friends.

-Why ? How did they die ?

-They were in the car when Grandpa fell asleep. »

The other 50% don't know grammer and speling.

None of them seemed surprised

"A-maize-ing!" I exclaimed.

I was asked to stop laughing because I was "causing a scene."

I had to go to court and was wearing a suit and tie. My 10 year old daughter thought this was fantastic for dress up was very interested. I took this as a teachable moment and wanted to tell her about showing respect for your personal appearance and showing up professionally. So I asked her, do you know why I dressed like this? She said to be professional. I said I want to show that I respect myself and I have respect for the court so I dressed accordingly. She laughed and said, "You mean you dressed acourtingly."

tl;dr

Daughter dad joked me about wearing a suit about dressing accourtingly

Cyan-aura.

....there's only 3 days left till Xmas

Cyan-aura.

Cyan-aura.

My dad: WHO?

But i like to have sex on my own Accord

Never get over it.