Nothing’s better than being 2, 3, 5, 7, 11, 13, 17, 19, 23, 29, 31, 37, 41, 43, 47, 53, 59, 61, 67, 71, 73, 79, 83, 89, or 97 years old

Those are the years you’re in your prime

πŸ‘︎ 17k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/garboooge
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2019
🚨︎ report
69 is afraid of 70. Because when they had a fight once, 71.

No sexual jokes.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mighty__Tor
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you know that 3.14% of all snakes are pythons and that 2.71% of all fish are eels?
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2019
🚨︎ report
The most expensive diamond in 2017 sold for $71.2 million USD

to Hong Kong-based jewelry retailer Chu Tai Fook. Over the last few months as the protests in Hong Kong have become heated Mr. Chu has been on the side of the government which has caught the eye of the international gem dealers, causing him to become a bit of a pariah.

The diamond went up for sale his and the Chinese government wanted to ensure that world's most expensive gem got a fair price. Mr. Chu approached Southerby's who was hesitant to get involved in what could be deemed a political gem sale. Despite his protests none of the world's leading auction houses the answer was always the same, they would not do the auction. This is when president Xi Jiping got involved to ensure that some good news could come out of China.

Last week it was reported that Rick Harrison, from Pawn Stars, had approached Xi Jinping saying that he would hold the diamond but couldn't promise more than $500 USD from the sale of the pendant. This infuriated the Chinese president threatened to take down the reality TV star, but Harrison was adamant telling Mr. Pooh, "If Chu wished to pawn the star, makes no difference who you are"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Poortio
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Obituary for the Pillsbury Dough Boy, Pop N Fresh

The Pillsbury Doughboy, remembered best as "Pop N Serve", and/or "Pop N Fresh", died yesterday of a severe yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.

Doughboy will be buried in this lightly greased coffin.

Dozens of celebrities will turn out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch.

The grave site is expected to be piled high with flours.

Aunt Jemima will deliver the eulogy and lovingly describe Doughboy as "a man who never knew how much he was kneaded".

Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers.. He was considered a very smart cookie, but wasted much of his dough on half-baked schemes.

Despite being a little flaky at times, he still was a crusty old man and was considered a positive roll model for millions.

Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play dough, three children: John Dough, Jane Dough and Dosey Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop tart.

The funeral will be held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Eyes_and_teeth
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
🚨︎ report
TIL: 29% of people report having to use the bathroom right after drinking a cup of coffee

The other 71% that don't are full of it

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ironsights
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Doc Holliday
πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RogueLieutenant
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2018
🚨︎ report
What did the poet say to his girlfriend?

Haiku-tee

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/negan92
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the fight between 70 and 72?

71

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/20Thatwiteguy02
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2019
🚨︎ report
9 and 10 got into a fight

71

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mecob
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2017
🚨︎ report
Ebay is too hard to use...

...I searched for lighters, and all I got was 71,274 matches.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/keithasaurus
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2018
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend got me good tonight

On our way back from the store, talking about how expensive it is to go out on real 'dates' (been together for a year or so)

>Her: We can come up with plenty of free-ways to have fun

>Me: Mhmm--

>Her: I mean, I-71 and I-75 are great, but we can think of more.

She stared at me for about 10 seconds, grinning until I realized what she was talking about.

My face never palmed so hard as she giggled mercilessly.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LordJohnSnow
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2014
🚨︎ report
Why was 69 afraid of 70?

Because they had a fight and 71.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NutDealer
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Why is 69 afraid of 70?

Cause they had a fight and 71

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Draelix
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
🚨︎ report
69 fought 70

71

πŸ‘︎ 68
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πŸ‘€︎ u/10thousandsuntans
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Why is 69 afraid of 70?

Because they once had a fight and 71.

πŸ‘︎ 357
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bot_10
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2019
🚨︎ report
why is 69 afraid of 70?

because they had a fight and 71

πŸ‘︎ 91
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πŸ‘€︎ u/imprisonedbread
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Why is 69 afraid of 70

Because they had a fight and 71

πŸ‘︎ 168
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LucasM__
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Why is 69 afraid of 70?

Because they had a fight and 71

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tim7345
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Dough Boy

Veteran Pillsbury spokesman Pop N. Fresh died Wednesday of a severe yeast infection. He was 71. He was buried Friday in one of the biggest funerals in years. Dozens of celebrities turned out including Mrs. Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, and the Hostess Twinkies. The graveside was piled high with flours, as longtime friend Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Fresh as a man who "never knew he was kneaded". Fresh rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a smart cookie, and wasted much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Still, even as a crusty old man, he was a roll model to millions. Fresh is survived by his second wife. They had two children, and one in the oven. The funeral was at 3:50 for 20 minutes.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/natesplace19010
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2016
🚨︎ report

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