My brotherβs pun game is strong...
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︎ Jun 23 2020
There was a man who entered a local paperβs pun contest.
He sent in ten different puns hoping at ο»Ώleast one of the puns would win but, unfortunately, ο»Ώno pun in ten did.
π︎ 18
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︎ Apr 05 2017
The genie asked, "Whatβs your first wish?" Steve replied, "I wish I was rich!" The genie nodded and said, "Whatβs your second wish?"
Rich exclaimed, "I want lots of money!"
π︎ 17k
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︎ Dec 22 2020
My wifeβs diploma came, so I framed it for her
π︎ 4k
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︎ Dec 31 2020
I came home really drunk last night and my wife wasnβt happy at all. βHow much have you had to drink?β she asked sternly, staring at me. βNothingβ I slurred. βLook at me!β she shouted. βItβs either me or the pub, which one is it?β
I paused for a second while I thought and mumbled, βItβs you. I can tell by the voice.β
π︎ 16k
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︎ Dec 27 2020
Itβs a barbie queue
π︎ 3k
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︎ Dec 21 2020
Itβs funny cause itβs true.
π︎ 4k
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︎ Dec 12 2020
Why itβs hard to teach Aussieβs how to play chess?
Because they think every check is check mate
π︎ 411
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︎ Jan 05 2021
Whatβs a 4 letter for a woman ending with βuntβ?
π︎ 232
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︎ Dec 29 2020
My wife asked, βIf someoneβs body just isnβt fighting the virus, would getting the vaccine help?β
I told her I think itβs worth a shot
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Dec 19 2020
Whatβs a more concrete term for butt crack?
π︎ 10k
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︎ Nov 03 2020
This isnβt just gross - itβs fucking fowl
π︎ 92
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︎ Dec 31 2020
Why did the wizardβs wife have hickeys on her neck?
Because he was a neck-romancer.
π︎ 14k
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︎ Oct 28 2020
If thereβs a line of gay people, itβs not a straight line...
π︎ 1k
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︎ Dec 14 2020
How can I get someone to hang out with me, laugh at each otherβs jokes, and maybe share some fun platonic experiences together throughout our lives?
π︎ 623
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︎ Dec 21 2020
Whatβs the oldest age someone could get a circumcision?
I just want to know the cutoff date.
π︎ 15k
π
︎ Oct 16 2020
Itβs my 3 year Reddit anniversary!
Getting karma should be as easy as cake.
π︎ 140
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︎ Dec 30 2020
Whatβs the difference between bird flu and swine flu?
One requires tweetment and the other requires oinkment.
π︎ 13k
π
︎ Oct 25 2020
My wifeβs mad at me because she said I never buy her flowers
I honestly didnβt even know she sold flowers
π︎ 3k
π
︎ Nov 25 2020
Twitter meme s t o l e n from facebook
π︎ 95
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︎ Jan 03 2021
How does James Bondβs doorbell introduce itself?
π︎ 258
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︎ Dec 27 2020
Black eyed Pβs
π︎ 23
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︎ Jan 01 2021
Why did the art thiefβs van run out of gas as he drove away from the museum?
Because he had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh
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︎ Jan 01 2021
What are you called if you are shopping at an Apple store when itβs robbed?
π︎ 164
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︎ Dec 21 2020
Whatβs the difference between the police response to Black Lives Matter protests and their response to the Capitol Hill riots?
Well, itβs black and white.
π︎ 56
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︎ Jan 07 2021
Because itβs true
π︎ 4k
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︎ Oct 11 2020
Heβs got the spirit
π︎ 140
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︎ Dec 29 2020
What is an arsonistβs favourite website?
π︎ 26
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︎ Jan 05 2021
Itβs a sad day but my kitchenaid mixer motor has finally died. I couldnβt whisk for a batter friend.
π︎ 48
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︎ Dec 07 2020
Day three: whatβs the leading cause of dry skin?
π︎ 29
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︎ Jan 03 2021
Whatβs a duckβs favourite drug?
π︎ 36
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︎ Jan 01 2021
Itβs the lighter fluid
π︎ 6k
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︎ Sep 06 2020
What do you call a knight thatβs afraid to fight ?
π︎ 155
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︎ Dec 15 2020
Me: Someone told me that thereβs a fruit thatβs an excellent source of potassium.
Her: Thatβs bananas.
Me: Yeah, I was shocked too.
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︎ Dec 23 2020
If pronouncing all my "V"s like "B"s, makes me sound Russian...
π︎ 12k
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︎ Sep 13 2020
Where did Noah put all the beeβs in his Ark?
π︎ 13k
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︎ Sep 09 2020
Did you hear about the mathematician whoβs afraid of negative numbers?
Heβll stop at nothing to avoid them.
π︎ 160
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︎ Dec 10 2020
What would Gordon Ramsayβs stage name be if he was a wrestler?
π︎ 17
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︎ Jan 06 2021
I heard that by law you need to turn on your headlights when itβs raining in Sweden
How the hell am I supposed to know when itβs raining in Sweden?
π︎ 1k
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︎ Nov 08 2020
Hey! Did you see that snail-shaped car with the letter S painted on it drive by?
Just look at that escargo.
π︎ 8
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︎ Jan 05 2021
I canβt believe itβs not...
π︎ 6k
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︎ Sep 21 2020
Did you hear that less toys have been made this year in Santaβs workshop?
Many of his workers had to Elf Isolate.
π︎ 26
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︎ Dec 18 2020
Whatβs the hottest letter in the alphabet?
βBβ, because it makes oil boil.
π︎ 10
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︎ Jan 02 2021
Hereβs a little early access to a pun I made. Iβm not sure if this joke has been said before but I hope not. I love making up puns
π︎ 49
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︎ Dec 16 2020
I've been diagnosed with a type of amnesia that makes me deny the existence of certain 80's bands.
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︎ Dec 16 2020
Whatβs the best dinosaur to help with gifts ?
π︎ 12
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︎ Jan 05 2021
Whatβs the difference between ignorance and indifference?
I donβt know and I donβt care.
π︎ 30
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︎ Jan 03 2021
Whatβs the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
The position of the dirtbag
π︎ 55
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︎ Dec 23 2020
Where thereβs a will
π︎ 4k
π
︎ Sep 19 2020
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