Joke from my 10 yr old: How do hobbits judge their designs?

They make a Frodo-type.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 26
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/GovernorZipper
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 20 2021
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New joke from my 8 yr old

What sound does a tree make?

It barks

πŸ‘οΈŽ 35
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/artrandenthi1
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 30 2021
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An 18 yr old died during a driving test.

They passed anyway

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/IsraelTheGreat52
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 27 2021
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10 yr old daughter playing video games yells, β€œGIRL!”

Dad response, β€œYou know it’s true...”

Daughter laughs (she actually likes my Dad jokes... heh) πŸ™‚

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/cidici
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 20 2021
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From my 7 yr just now: Dad, last night I dreamed I was swimming in orange soda.

Turns out it was just a Fanta-sea.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 32
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/TheGogglesDo-Nothing
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 02 2021
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Why was the 2 yr old unvaccinated child crying?

Midlife crisis

πŸ‘οΈŽ 64
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/aquariously
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 20 2020
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From my 10 yr old. "WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE PLAYGROUND?"

To get to the other slide

πŸ‘οΈŽ 34
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/According-Ease
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 18 2021
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My 3 yr old just cracked me up with this joke as I was putting him to bed

Why did the tree moo?

Because there was a cow stuck in it!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 45
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/whomhead
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 05 2020
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From my 6 yr old....

What has two arms and no legs....but it always runs?!

a clock you dummy!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/dorkyhood
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 16 2021
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@my office: 4 yr boy says β€œwhy did the Christmas cookie go to the dentist?”

Because he had Ginger-vitis!

That father had the biggest smile on his face.. happy holidays everybody!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/tizom
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 27 2020
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3 yr old grandson says, "Papa, where's my sword?"

Papa, "What colour is it?"

3 yr old, "Blue."

Papa, "Where did you see it last?"

3 yr old: "In my hand."

Endless entertainment!

Edit: formatting

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/UhmBah
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 31 2020
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My 6 yr old son learning math: β€œDad, what’s infinity plus infinity?”

Me: β€œI’m not sure, what is it?”

Son: β€œTwo infinity...and beyond!”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 14
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/fordskis
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 04 2020
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My 6 yr old son has an attitude problem at the dinner table. He barely eats and always makes the rudest comments about the home-cooked food we provide him, so tonight we tried alphabet soup.

I really hope he eats his words.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/fordskis
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 06 2020
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Got this from my 7 yr old this morning while he was getting in the car and didn’t get the door closed completely.

When is a door also a good container? When it’s ajar.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/channabanana01
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 25 2020
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My 3 yrs old son told me he got a girlfriend

I asked him what's her name

Son: " Sophie "

Me: "Son,you can't be serious "

Son : "is it because she's older than me?"

Me : "No, it's because she's our cat"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 16
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Slymood
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 27 2020
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Like a good Grandpa I share with my 12 yr old Grandson the amazement of r/dadjokes regularly. He thinks you all are totally cool. I told him there is much power here. How? He asked. Let me demonstrate... With the diahrrea song.. I'll start.

Some people think it's gross but it's really good on toast. Diahrrea...

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/tekprojekt
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 09 2020
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I just asked my 14 yr old after he was talking the whole time while I was showing how to do something. β€˜Do you know why god gave us two eyes and only one mouth?’

β€˜Because we don’t need depth perception with our mouths β€˜ was his technically correct answer

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Irv-Elephant
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 29 2019
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What’s the best way to get to the capital of Senegal? (From my 8 yr old son)

Dakar

πŸ‘οΈŽ 70
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/kajikiwolfe
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 26 2020
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My 7 yr old sister did a huge fart and I told her to say excuse me and she follows with this:

Ex-POO-se me! 🀦

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/papadom94
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 11 2020
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I was just chillin by the pool on the 4th of July with my 11 yr old. I told him I got a little Sun...

And then you had a growth spurt.

It took him a few minutes...

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/jvanzandd
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 04 2020
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I was wrestling with my 7 yr old just now and introduced him to "stop hitting yourself. Stop hitting yourself."

I feel that i have passed the tradition down yet another generation. Im going to live forever!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/dunderthebarbarian
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 13 2020
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My 8 yr old son asked me to buy him a Lamborghini

I told him by the time he got his license and was old enough to drive it, it would be a Sheeporghini

πŸ‘οΈŽ 162
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Goosifer999
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 17 2019
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What's the difference between a 10 yr job and a 10 yr marriage?

The job still sucks after 10 years

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/hotsprings1234
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 20 2020
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My wife put food in front of our 1.5 yr old

She said "say your prayer"

He said "Prayer" then just smirked at her

So proud right now.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/b1kerguy
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 09 2016
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Made my 11 yr old laugh and my wife roll her eyes this kornint. It was a good day.

My 2 yr old is constantly dropping small toys down the grate on the air return and a couple rolled out if site. This morning, I stuck my head down it and found a couple the had been missing for a couple weeks. Yay, dad!

My wife told me "She likes to drop her toys down there when she's angry."

I told her "you can't be upset. She's just venting!"

Groans and laughs ensued.

Edit: "this morning." What the hell is a kornint?

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/tbare
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 02 2017
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Asked my 3 yr old if she wanted to see Toy Story 4.

She said, "What's Toy Story 4?"

"Entertainment," I replied.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 14
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 15 2019
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My 7 yr old son came up with this today. How do you make a witch itch?

Take away the w.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Fuhurina
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 28 2019
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My 5 yr old girl told her first dad joke today: "Dad look what happened to my tooth!" Smiles and has a disgusting mouthfull of crunched up nachos.

"It's chipped!" Tears of pride and joy

πŸ‘οΈŽ 115
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/simmsnation
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 25 2018
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Walking through the mall with my 9 yr old and a kiosk saleswoman waves a sample of lotion and asks 'A gift for your daughter?'

I said 'No, thank you' and then looked down at my daughter and said 'Can you believe she thought I'd trade you away for just a tiny bit of lotion? I'd need a whole bottle, at least!'

She thought that was pretty funny.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 81
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/nocatsonmelmac
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 11 2019
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My 3 yr old son didn't realize it but he told me a good dadjoke

As I'm holding my son, he begins to pretend his hands are spiders and starts wiggling the tips of his fingers on my arm and then says

"These spiders are crawling on you because they're Daddy Long Legs"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 1k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/plzinsertgirder
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 05 2015
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I was laughing at my 5-yr-old daughter the other day while I was combing her hair.

When my wife asked what was happening, I replied, "I was just teasing her."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Hairy_Swinger
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 28 2019
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After watching Netflix's Super Monsters, my 4-yr old daughter asked me: "Where does Lobo (the werewolf) live?"

Me: I don't know, baby.. the monster house?

Her: No. That's wrong.

Me: A wolf den?

Her: No. You're wrong, daddy. He and his dad lives (sic?) in a werehouse!

Gotta say, I annoyingly fell for that one.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/wishnana
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 25 2019
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Joke From My 14 yr old Cousin

>I caught a cold last night. Where did I store it you might ask? In the fridge.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/patback42
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 28 2019
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11 yr old: "Dad, while you're in the kitchen, will you make me popcorn?"

Me: "Poof! You're popcorn!"

11: eye roll

Wife: groan

Me: intent chuckle

πŸ‘οΈŽ 17
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/tbare
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 27 2017
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Not a dad, but my new SO has a 4 yr old. I think I'm starting off on the right foot. (OC)

driving down road and almost hit a possum GF: I thought you were gonna hit that. Me: Me too! It was definitely a "possum-bility."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/skiton28
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 19 2017
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7 yr old daughter dropped this when I held up her 2 ice cream cone shaped nail polish bottles to my eyes

Me: "hi I'm jimmy ice cream eyes" Her: "hi Jimmy, you're looking sharp today.." As she walked away.

It's like she doesn't even have to try

πŸ‘οΈŽ 20
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/legomason
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 07 2016
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Discovered this at 30 yrs old. I have a life time of built up dad jokes. Here's one from first grade. (under de sea)

First grade, I'm in the school play because, well, every one was. I can sing, always have been pretty good at it, so they gave me the job of playing Sebastian in our Little Mermaid rendition. We're singing "Under the Sea" and I look out to the audience to see my dad, in the front row, making the biggest, puffiest fish face his head will physically allow. I haven't done much acting since then.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/chubaccatron
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 22 2013
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Soo... My 7 yr. old daughter dropped this one on me... I think I'll keep her.

We're watching the live action 101 Dalmatian movie. It's the scene where Cruella falls through the floor and lands in what looks like a bunch of poop, chasing after one of the puppies.

My daughter asks me,"What is that stuff she fell into supposed to be?". I replied,"Pretty sure it's supposed to resemble poop." She goes,"So I guess that puppy set a poopy trap."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 54
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/DaddyReddits
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 02 2015
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Got dadjoked by my 6 yr old daughter

She is REALLY into sharks right now, and the other day she said "Daddy, I sure am glad I'm a girl." I asked why. She said "because sharks are man-eaters." Love that girl!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/dm919
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 25 2015
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From my 6 yr old daughter: Why did Adele cross the road?

To say hello from the other side.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 16
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/dphile
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 23 2016
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My 6 yr old son did me proud with this one

Whole family watching Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, at the end Sirius makes his farewells and flies off on Buckbeak. As he flies off my son turns to be and says "not so Sirius now is he?"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 34
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/trotter1313
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 04 2014
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Got dad joked by 13 yr old girl foster kid....Where do dogs hate to go shopping?

Flea market

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Dad_Jokes_4_New_Dads
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 29 2016
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Dadjoked by my 10-yr old daughter

On teaching her how to make pancakes.

her : "Dad, any pancake you make I can do batter"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 72
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/sirmarty777
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 06 2014
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My 16 yr old son loves muscle cars and luxury cars. He noticed a beautiful Lexus next to us at a light. I told him too bad Lexus doesn't make a muscle car.

They could call it Flexus.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/iJohnny0
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 31 2016
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My 3 yr old

Dad: When you make a sand castle mommy can take pictures and send them to me while I'm at work.

3 year old: Daddy you want me to "sand" them to you?

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/toolmel
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 04 2015
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My 9 yr old daughter wanted to go to the mall and she said "Daady, put the mall in your phone"

My husband says "the mall won't FIT in my phone" silence

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/hamsandw1tch
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 15 2015
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