YRS Puns

What sound does a tree make?

It barks

Turns out it was just a Fanta-sea.

To get to the other slide

What has two arms and no legs....but it always runs?!

a clock you dummy!

Why did the tree moo?

Because there was a cow stuck in it!

Midlife crisis

Papa, "What colour is it?"

3 yr old, "Blue."

Papa, "Where did you see it last?"

3 yr old: "In my hand."

Endless entertainment!

Edit: formatting

Because he had Ginger-vitis!

That father had the biggest smile on his face.. happy holidays everybody!

Me: “I’m not sure, what is it?”

Son: “Two infinity...and beyond!”

I really hope he eats his words.

When is a door also a good container? When it’s ajar.

I asked him what's her name

Son: " Sophie "

Me: "Son,you can't be serious "

Son : "is it because she's older than me?"

Me : "No, it's because she's our cat"

Some people think it's gross but it's really good on toast. Diahrrea...

Dakar

Ex-POO-se me! 🤦

‘Because we don’t need depth perception with our mouths ‘ was his technically correct answer

And then you had a growth spurt.

It took him a few minutes...

I feel that i have passed the tradition down yet another generation. Im going to live forever!

I told him by the time he got his license and was old enough to drive it, it would be a Sheeporghini

The job still sucks after 10 years

She said, "What's Toy Story 4?"

"Entertainment," I replied.

Take away the w.

My 2 yr old is constantly dropping small toys down the grate on the air return and a couple rolled out if site. This morning, I stuck my head down it and found a couple the had been missing for a couple weeks. Yay, dad!

My wife told me "She likes to drop her toys down there when she's angry."

I told her "you can't be upset. She's just venting!"

Groans and laughs ensued.

Edit: "this morning." What the hell is a kornint?

She said "say your prayer"

He said "Prayer" then just smirked at her

So proud right now.

"It's chipped!" Tears of pride and joy

I said 'No, thank you' and then looked down at my daughter and said 'Can you believe she thought I'd trade you away for just a tiny bit of lotion? I'd need a whole bottle, at least!'

She thought that was pretty funny.

When my wife asked what was happening, I replied, "I was just teasing her."

As I'm holding my son, he begins to pretend his hands are spiders and starts wiggling the tips of his fingers on my arm and then says

"These spiders are crawling on you because they're Daddy Long Legs"

Me: I don't know, baby.. the monster house?

Her: No. That's wrong.

Me: A wolf den?

Her: No. You're wrong, daddy. He and his dad lives (sic?) in a werehouse!

Gotta say, I annoyingly fell for that one.

>I caught a cold last night. Where did I store it you might ask? In the fridge.

Me: Well, I guess that makes you an.. iWitness! ba-da-tss (Disapproving stare)

Me: I take it you didn’t find that too, APPealing huh?

(I got a bonus high five from my wife for that one!)

Me: "Poof! You're popcorn!"

11: eye roll

Wife: groan

Me: intent chuckle

driving down road and almost hit a possum GF: I thought you were gonna hit that. Me: Me too! It was definitely a "possum-bility."

Me: "hi I'm jimmy ice cream eyes" Her: "hi Jimmy, you're looking sharp today.." As she walked away.

It's like she doesn't even have to try

First grade, I'm in the school play because, well, every one was. I can sing, always have been pretty good at it, so they gave me the job of playing Sebastian in our Little Mermaid rendition. We're singing "Under the Sea" and I look out to the audience to see my dad, in the front row, making the biggest, puffiest fish face his head will physically allow. I haven't done much acting since then.

We're watching the live action 101 Dalmatian movie. It's the scene where Cruella falls through the floor and lands in what looks like a bunch of poop, chasing after one of the puppies.

My daughter asks me,"What is that stuff she fell into supposed to be?". I replied,"Pretty sure it's supposed to resemble poop." She goes,"So I guess that puppy set a poopy trap."

She is REALLY into sharks right now, and the other day she said "Daddy, I sure am glad I'm a girl." I asked why. She said "because sharks are man-eaters." Love that girl!

To say hello from the other side.

Flea market

Whole family watching Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, at the end Sirius makes his farewells and flies off on Buckbeak. As he flies off my son turns to be and says "not so Sirius now is he?"

On teaching her how to make pancakes.

her : "Dad, any pancake you make I can do batter"

They could call it Flexus.

My husband says "the mall won't FIT in my phone" silence

Dad: When you make a sand castle mommy can take pictures and send them to me while I'm at work.

3 year old: Daddy you want me to "sand" them to you?

I wake up and head to the kitchen to get some water. My mom and sister are there making lunch.

Mom: "Well good morning sleeping beauty."

My sister: "Apparently didn't get enough sleep! Ohhhh!....Get it?"

I've been in a car all day waiting to get home to tell this one. As we were driving down the road, we pass by a pasture full of hay bales when all of a sudden my sister yells out "hey daddy!" My dad responds with a generic "yes?" To which my sister replies with "oh, I was just showing you the hay over there." I love my sister.