A curious child asked her mom, "why are you starting to get some grey hairs in with all your dark hair?"
Seizing this as a moral teaching moment she tells her daughter this little white lie, "Well young lady, when a daughter does something naughty, one of her mother's hairs turns grey."
After several moments of deep thought her daughter says to her mother, "So, mommy is that why all of grandma's hair is grey????"
If your mom's always right...
your mom secretly told me that you were born on a highway
....that's where most accidents happen
I was talking to my friend and he asked me, “As a young boy was your mom strict with you?” I told him, “To be honest,...
“...my mother was never a young boy.”
They say opposites attract; so if your mum/mom serious, then your...
If your mom slaps you with high frequency
When your mom said “Get you a man that can cook”...
She didn’t mean crack or meth, Karen.
My mom told me the first step towards recovery is admitting your fault
So I asked if that’s why people are admitted to the hospital
Your mom and I are going to make you a little sister!
I had a real problem when your mom got rid of that crooked chair my dad made.
I don't know why, it just never sat right with me.
Your mom had to get a tuberculosis test for work. I guess we'll finally have an answer to the age-old question . . .
The most attractive thing about your mom...
Is her gravitational pull
From my dad, a minute ago: “your mom and I went to a completely pitch black restaurants once”
“They didn’t have any seafood there!”
MOM: "How do I look?" DAD: "With your eyes."
Why did your mom allow you to be exposed to preventable illnesses?
Because they're not Karen for you
Are you talking about your aunt on your mom's side, or...
I’m tired of seeing “Hey OP, I slept with your mom last night!” every time I post something on Reddit.
I shouldn’t have told my dad what my username was.
What's your mom's favorite contraction
Last night your mom and I watched three movies back to back.
Luckily I was the one facing the TV.
Dad: (Smiling while filling out paperwork at the DMV) Son: Dad, why are you smiling? The DMV sucks! Dad: Let's just say your mom probably won't let me run errands anymore...
Did your mom have to remind you to practice piano?
No, I did it on my own a chord.
When you brake something and try to "fix" it before your mom gets home
imgur.com/YNiJXZ8
son: dad, what's the secret to you and mom being happy? dad:we go out to a romantic dinner at least once a week. son:that's wonderful where do you go? dad:I like italian...I don't know where your mother goes.
The Dark Side of Your Mom
Guy 1: Dude is that your mom and dad?
I once bought your mom a treadmill
And that's how I swept her off her feet.
Hah, rejected by your mom
If your mom had wheels what'd she be?
These aren't your mom's puns, these are your sisters puns....
Math teacher: If you're a family of 5 and your mom only has 3 potatoes, how would she feed everyone?
Johnny: She'll mash them.
Your mom only buys clothes at one store.
But she shops at the'm all.
Mom: Honey do you mind if I wear your wife-beater?
Dad: Sure. Knock yourself out!
Sorry I had sex with your mom.
My dad came up to me and said, “your mom and I have been married for so long, we are on our 4th bottle of bitters”
I wanted to shoot your mom in the face. She didn't let me.
Nine months later, you were born.
Dad (to his son in the backseat, while mom is riding shotgun): "Hey, do you want to hear my impression of your mother?!?!"
Son: "What? Yes, totally!"
Dad (turns to look at mother tenderly): "I think she's a lovely and beautiful woman, a good wife to me, and a good mother to you."
Son: sigh.
Your mom is an ad hominem.
My wife just texted this “mom” joke to me: What’s it called when your college basketball bracket is ruined?
An adult finds a lost kid and asks him “Do you know your mom’s number?” The kid says he does and then tells him
A mom brings her baby to the doctor who says - wow, your baby is beautiful ! She says - thanks, but I'm sure you say that to every mom. He says - no I don't. She asks - what do you say if the baby is ugly??
Well, the doc says, I look at the baby and then I look at the mom and say - your baby looks just like you!
What are you if your dad is from iceland and your mom is from cuba
Having your mom help you wrap a gift
What do you call when your mom is your dad and your dad is your mom?
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